The Death of Conversation - Simran Bhargava's first post
Simran Bhargava - August 16, 2005
Who killed conversation ? It’s been ages since I tasted the real thing. Conversation: Deep, intimate, satisfying conversation. Most of the conversations one has with people these days taste like rubber. “Oh, hello darling, how are you ?” “Fine.” “What’s up ?” “Oh, so busy, doing so many things. Really we must get together soon.”
Many of these conversations happen at cocktail parties or at Page Three parties, with the person talking to you looking over your shoulder to see if anyone more important walked in.
Conversation used to be a big deal once. Really talking. Really listening. I grew up in a family where evenings were spent sitting in the garden, a large fan blowing a soothing breeze over us, fresh nimboo pani being served all around. Friends and cousins would drop in, pull up a chair and the circle grew wider. We’d talk about news events and the everyday stuff of our lives. Nothing terribly important but still deeply connecting. These conversations gave our lives texture.
It wasn’t all that long ago.
Over the years, though, conversation began to lose its prime place in our lives. My guess is that several things killed conversation: television killed it. I now go to visit someone and they are usually watching television and so we talk to each other—sort of—but with half an ear on the television.
And cocktail parties killed conversation. Not much happens at these parties in terms of conversation. Lots of networking sure. Lots of new contacts made. But nothing real shared, nothing real exchanged. And so we go home, empty. Not having felt really heard.
Other things have killed conversation too. Lack of time. Shorter attention spans.
I deeply mourn this loss because few things are quite as satisfying as a deep intimate conversation.
Real conversation requires full presence. It requires listening and empathy.
A great conversation opens up spaces in your mind, it helps you mine thoughts even you didn’t know you had. Few pleasures can rival that.
Real conversation, ultimately is about intimacy. And intimacy is about knowing and being known. It requires time and reflection and wonder and curiosity, qualities that keep a relationship moist. I think when conversation dies, we lose something very soulful.
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Posted by Simran Bhargava at August 16, 2005 04:39 PM
Comments
simrin,
I think u hit the nail on the head. What we are running away from these days is Intimacy - the pace of our lives has killed intimacy and a peculiar mind set has taken over that is all about the self. Conversation is the release to pressure cooker day to day existence, without that - and therefore without intimacy, we are leading to a society ready to expressitself violently
lets teach our kids to be intimate
shekhar
Hello Simron,
Like Shekar has said you have hit the nail on the head with your message about real conversation
Your message on Real conversation "Real conversation requires full presence. It requires listening and empathy.
A great conversation opens up spaces in your mind, it helps you mine thoughts even you didn’t know you had. Few pleasures can rival that.
Real conversation, ultimately is about intimacy. And intimacy is about knowing and being known. It requires time and reflection and wonder and curiosity, qualities that keep a relationship moist. I think when conversation dies, we lose something very soulful. " really makes sense
Thanks for sharing
Namaste,
VEnky
Hi Simran,2 years ago I went on a pilgrimage in India with close family members and my mother.We were all together,in a van,and there was no TV.We had the best conversations,like we used to have in good old days.
That is an excellent topic,and well written.Sometimes I wonder if lack of conversation is the reason we see so many people having mental illness.
GOD BLESS.
Yep, it's very true!
Not only about conversations, but in general areas of life. It seems everyone is out for only themselves. Or maybe everyone is just to tired! It always seems that way when I ask people how they are. I chaulk it up to the independent culture! Everyone is afraid of letting people in. I think Shekhar is right! Intimacy is lacking. As well as trust.
Hi Simran
SPOT ON !!!!!!
We have completely lost the plot -haven't we???
Rad
Conversation was live till the advent of the Idiot Box. With that came the TV couch and now you have just TV and couch potatoes.
Cycling created great outdoor life but that too died with the engine sitting indoors playing TV games
i would suggest one more thing that has killed the conversation i.e. the computer and the internet. but this is a natural progression into the future-unlimited information, limited brain power and shorter attention spans. and with the internet, limited contact with people in real world.
on the other hand the internet has also led to some amazing conversations for me with people from across the world. and its easier to talk about all sorts of topics including sensitive ones on the internet because of a kind of impersonal interaction that is only possible through a computer. but overall its a matter of personal choice-whether one wishes to go with the crowd or just go over and say 'hi' to an interesting stranger.
by the way, there are certain places where you must not expect intelligent or interesting conversations like a page3 party. its a place to be "clicked and cliched".
i would suggest one more thing that has killed the conversation i.e. the computer and the internet. but this is a natural progression into the future-unlimited information, limited brain power and shorter attention spans. and with the internet, limited contact with people in real world.
on the other hand the internet has also led to some amazing conversations for me with people from across the world. and its easier to talk about all sorts of topics including sensitive ones on the internet because of a kind of impersonal interaction that is only possible through a computer. but overall its a matter of personal choice-whether one wishes to go with the crowd or just go over and say 'hi' to an interesting stranger.
by the way, there are certain places where you must not expect intelligent or interesting conversations like a page3 party. its a place to be "clicked and cliched".
Conversation Tells us how to Pray.
V.S. Mubar
What a wonderful piece of writing this is. You so beautifully describe the importance and pleasure of real conversation, as opposed to superficial chat. I am one of the lucky ones to be able to engage in beautiuful, interesting daily conversations with my significant other. We live miles and miles away from each other right now and spend about two hours a day engaged in very long and significant conversations that cover just about anything in the world. We always end up with a feeling of having had our minds challenged into a better way of viewing life and the world and of having built up on our intimacy, even though we're so far away from each other. The only other conversational pleasure that equals this is when I go home to my own country and sit around my parents' dinner table and carry on long talks with my aunts and cousins who come to visit. Thank you for bringing this wonderful idea to our consciousness.
I agree with yhou Simran and Shekhar,
Life just moves so fast these days, we must work harder at slowing down...so we control life....
It is so easy to get into the pace that everyone else is in...lets be different.
As I go back to my teaching in a few days, I must remind myself that what I get done in one day, will what I get done...the rest can stay until tomorrow.
I have learned to "listen" to my body when to slow down....One can feel when we are rushing, or if someone is talking to us, and we are not 100% there.
Intimacy is so special not to have....last night I saw a production of The Miracle Worker" so we must also remember that Intimacy and Communicating is also be non-verbal but people need to be there together 100% in the moment....
and on a cuter note....
http://mywebpages.comcast.net/singingman7/Twinkies.htm
Love, Joanie
Conversation make me nostalgic because its is truely very rarely that I have a true conversation and thats when I ( we ) remeber our past days and escapades and et al.
Exactly my sentiments..being single, i am often queried about it..and to the why i reply..looking for someone to have a conversation with over the dinner table..and a little footsie under..! But, who is to teach people that intimacy is not about a tongue in your ear over pizza and television..?!
lovenhug..
decimation.buffs fixtures?sticking partook reorganization:
exceptionally tattered Ludwig!Hegelian variables resistances tempter
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Recent Comments
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commented on The Death of Conversation - Simran Bhargava's first post
exceptionally tattered Ludwig!Hegelian variabl
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commented on The Death of Conversation - Simran Bhargava's first post
decimation.buffs fixtures?sticking partook reo
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Aaradhika commented on The Death of Conversation - Simran Bhargava's first post
Exactly my sentiments..being single, i am often
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Bharat Agarwalla commented on The Death of Conversation - Simran Bhargava's first post
Conversation make me nostalgic because its is t
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Joanie commented on The Death of Conversation - Simran Bhargava's first post
I agree with yhou Simran and Shekhar,
L
True, but there are people who eventhough they may have a television, they are unable to get out to go to even a cocktail party or somewhere that they can socialize. They I'm sure would jump at the chance to have a conversation. They may be the only living person in their family and because they are isolated, have few if any friends. Kinda like Igmar's story about the man who lived in a coconut.
Namaste
June