A Time To Kill
Rahul Khanna - September 27, 2005
I’m a firm believer in non-violence but I’m also aware that we all have limits we can be pushed to. I have often wondered… if driven to it, could I kill?
Late last night I found out.
I’d just come home and, as I was undressing, I suddenly felt I was not alone. I was being watched. I slowly turned around, scouring the room and focused on a slight movement in the corner. There he was. Peeping out from his hiding spot under the piano. Coldly staring me straight in the eye. I froze in terror.
It immediately occurred to me how different my life here in New York is from my life in Bombay. There, in a situation like this, all I’d have to do is intercom my staff and they’d march in armed with a selection of brooms, rolled up newspaper and other weaponry. I would point out the intruder and then leave the room while they took care of the assassination. Only once they’d finished the dirty work and cleaned up, would I return.
Here, it was different. I was alone. I had no troops. No army of assassins. If I called up the doorman or super, I’d be the laughing stock of the building. No, I would have to face this trespasser myself. It was a rite of passage I had to go through. I felt like a lion cub about to hunt his first gazelle. The battle lines were drawn. It was man against cockroach.
I told myself I could do it. I was a grown man hundreds of times his size. I lift weights. I’ve shot guns and even done my own stunts in movies, for god’s sake. So then why was I suddenly breathless and why was my heart threatening to pound right out of my chest?
We both stood deathly still, surveying each other. Waiting to see who’d make the first move. I could sense the beast was hoping to cross the room and make it to the safe refuge under the bed. And I knew if he succeeded, chances of finding him in the labyrinth of exercise equipment there were slim. I had to get him before.
Suddenly, he made a dash for it. There was no time to think. I lunged for the closest weapon, a sneaker. He expertly dodged and swerved. I missed the first time but on my second strike I connected. There was a carpet underneath so I realised the impact hadn’t crushed him, but rather trapped him within the grooves of the sole and I knew the minute I so much as moved the shoe, he would dart out and be forever lost. There was only one option. It was time for chemical warfare.
Not caring that I was in just my boxers, I ran out into the hallway and grabbed a can of ant spray that I’d seen discarded in the compactor room. It would have to do. I came back in and began to plan my next move. I stared at the shoe for a couple of minutes. Then circled it a few times, evaluating the best angle to approach the next phase from. Strategy was key and I didn’t want to rush into it. Once decided, I took aim, a deep breath and quickly lifted the shoe as I simultaneously started spraying wildly. The wily bugger was quicker than I anticipated. He zipped out and managed to make it to the bed. But just as he disappeared under it, I nailed him with one well aimed squirt between the wings. Wounded and disoriented he would now be easy to hunt out.
With adrenalin induced Herculean strength, I hurled the bed aside and there he was, cowering besides a dumbbell. Panting and dripping with sweat, we stared at each other knowing these were the climactic seconds of the battle. And then he made one last brave but feeble run for it but he knew it was hopeless. The duel was over. I unleashed so much ant spray that I think he might have died from drowning rather than the poison.
As I looked at him lying belly up in a pool of pesticide, I was overcome with a mixture of accomplishment and guilt (or was I just high from the fumes?). I must have used half a roll of paper towel to lift his remains and carry them at arms length to the trash and the other half to scrub the floor, in true Lady Macbeth fashion, till the stain and smell were gone.
It was finished. I needed a drink.
Digg this entry 
Add to Del.icio.us 
Share on Facebook 
Subscribe
Posted by Rahul Khanna at September 27, 2005 10:50 AM
Comments
Funny you bring this up. I dislike having insects as much as killing them. The guilt is what is so uncanny.
My rationalization goes as follows:
1) I should never murder
2) Well, killing one now, prevents me from killing the multitude of offspring that it will produce. Lesser of two evils....
3) Going off the 'never kill in anger' premise, I size it up to we are mutual enemies in a house. Insects spread disease, etc. so killing it seems to be aligned with 'self preservation'.
4) After the kill, I say a small prayer for the soul of the critter and remember to have respect & reverence for both the beauty of the form as well as the divinity of the indwelling spirit.
I still feel bad afterwards, but my wish is to transmute the event into something positive. I ask God to forgive me if this was not inline with his intent for me ( or the critter ). Then I thank God for giving me the discernment, sensitivity and wisdom to NOT want to kill it in the first place.
All spirits have animated simple forms on the path of evolution, it makes us no less divine.
Sikind, that is a beautiful sentiment. I often have the same inner dialogue of dichotomy going on when presented with the same situation. I know to many that it may seem totally trivial, but all life is precious and should be treated as such. So, how can is it possible to reconcile that with the critters that invade our homes, possibly spreading disease? I often find myself torn to find a peaceful, non-violent solution to these critters, but all too often my annoyance wins over my heart's desire to do good. Maybe you've given me something more to think about.
OMG, Rahul you are too funny! Thanks for the laugh. If your acting is half as enjoyable as your humor I'd better see one of your movies someday!
Love, Kristin
My stomach hurts... there must be a better way. Conflict resolution? Why do people have to live in the same place as the cockroaches? Or is it the other way around. Don't cockroaches have some kind of natural environment that is not an amassment of human beings in small boxes with water pipes? Is it a myth, or do cockroaches only exist in less than clean environments? Maybe if everyone would live in environments that are more friendly for humans, we wouldn't need to kill cockroaches?
I'm serious, there must be a solution. A mouse taught me that lesson once.
jo-fo - TOTALLY NOT TRIVIAL!!!!!!!
Perhaps they are there SPECIFICALLY for you to have that inner dialog and grow from it - essentially providing the fulcrum for your inner thought. Perhaps, they offer their life in service of the greater evolution of God's work. It is their sacrifice.
JUST like the hurricane victims - they have inadvertantly provided a means for many other humans to give in to compassion and the lessons that come with it. MAYBE we will value LIFE even more as a result of so much DEATH.
And so the critters have not come to us empty handed, but with a precious gift.
Ants & Bees commonly do NOT what is best for the ant, but what is best for its community ( so much for darwinism ). This group consciousness could arguably be more advanced than human consciousness. I've also read that in due time, insects will have multitudes to teach us - when we are ready to listen individually and as a species.
Sikind, I like that idea. I really try in my life to be conscious of things that annoy me and look at them as a gift to my ever-expanding consciousness. I often fall short, but when it kicks in, it kicks in hard. I wonder how different this world might be if more people employed that philosophy.
DAMMIT! where were you when we needed you. Oh well mine was already dead.
"( so much for darwinism ). "
Darwinism has no relevance to your argument in this case. This just shows that you haven't understood Darwin's theory properly. I don't want to pick up a fight on this topic in this thread. I just wanted to tell that it has absolutely no relevance.
Rahul - have you ever thought of running for political office??!! You are too much . . .thank you for making such an event an opportunity to look at ourselves and how fear captivates our being!
Your recollection is reminiscent of David and Goliath . . .and in the back of my mind - makes me reflect on Bush versus Saddam.
Sikind - great sentiments and thought processes . . . in the last year I have tried my best to stop killing spiders, ants, flies - rather trying to release them back into the garden knowing they too contain part of the Source.
My biggest fear has been what if I face a rat, cockroach or snake . . .would I be able to maintain the same actions? Sikind - your post gives me new perspective and thoughts on how to approach the situation.
Rahul - kuddos for the comedy - thank you for being part of our world! Seriously - consider politics!!
Wishing all an abundance of laughter, joy, happiness, perspective, patience, acceptance, understanding, knowledge, tolerance, hugs, smiles, giggles, serenity, peace, tranquility and bliss!! Laila
Krish - I got you - sort of.
I think my logic is that the aforementioned insects will kill themselves to save the tribe. The 'self-less' characteristics would die with the creature. It would be the 'cowardly' insects that pass on the genes - thus leaving the species with those that would NOT fight for the tribe. Darwin, through his own theory shouldn't be able to explain how these species came to operate the way that they do. I would say the Queen in either case could be the link, but even she would mate with the very beings that did not die for the tribe - and wouldn't benefit from their existence.
: a theory of the origin and perpetuation of new species of animals and plants that offspring of a given organism vary, that natural selection favors the survival of some of these variations over others, that new species have arisen and may continue to arise by these processes, and that widely divergent groups of plants and animals have arisen from the same ancestors; broadly : biological evolutionism
Regardless - Darwinism explains evolution purely in terms of physical manifestation. It doesn't take into account the spirit that is evolving and physical evolution is only the cloak of what is really evolving. A cockroach spirit wouldn't have the capabilities to operate a human vehicle in all of it's complexity. The spirit 'builds' the form in the womb or wherever the assimlation of atoms occur.
The relevance here is 1) insects possibly posses aspects of consciousness more advanced than our own and 2) just because insects seem small & feeble, they are our younger siblings nonetheless.
http://www.rosicrucian.com/rcc/rcceng14.htm#par71
......
Thus by successive steps does the evolving Life improve its vehicles, and the improvements is still going on. Man, who is in the vanguard of progress, has built his bodies, from the similitude of the amoeba up to the human form of the savage, and from that up through the various grades until the most advanced races are now using the best and most highly organized bodies on Earth. Between deaths and rebirths we are constantly building bodies in which to function during our lives and a far greater degree of efficiency than the present will yet be reached. If we make mistakes in building between lives, they become evident when we are using the body in Earth life, and it is well for us if we are able to perceive and realize our mistakes, that we may avoid making them afresh life after life.
But just as the builder of houses would lag commercially if he did not constantly improve his methods to meet the exigencies of his business, so those who persistently adhere to the old forms fail to rise above the species and are left behind, as stragglers. These stragglers take the forms outgrown by the pioneers, as previously explained, and they compose the lower Races and species of any kingdom in which they are evolving. As the Life which is now Man passed through stages analogous to the mineral, plant, and animal kingdoms and through the lower human Races, stragglers were left all along the way who had failed to reach the necessary standard to keep abreast of the crestwave of evolution. They took the discarded Forms of the pioneers and used them as stepping-stones, by means of which they tried to overtake the others, but the advanced Forms did not stand still. In the progress of Evolution there is no halting-place. In evolving Life, as in commerce, there is no such thing as merely "holding your own." Progression or Retrogression is the Law. The Form that is not capable of further improvement must Degenerate.
Therefore there is one line of improving forms ensouled by the pioneers of the evolving Life, and another line of degenerating forms, outgrown by the pioneers, but ensouled by the stragglers, as long as there are any stragglers of that particular life wave to which those forms originally belonged.
When there are no more stragglers, the species gradually dies out. The Forms have been crystallized beyond the possibility of being improved by tenants of increasing inability. They therefore return to the mineral kingdom, fossilize and are added to the different strata of the Earth's crust.
The assertion of material science that man has ascended through the different kingdoms of plant and animal which exist about us now to anthropoid and thence to man, is not quite correct. Man has never inhabited forms identical with those of our present-day animals, nor the present-day anthropoid species; but he has inhabited forms which were similar to but higher than those of the present anthropoids.
Sikind, we differ in our approach to life. I go by pure science and you try to combine philosophy with science. Well it is a discussion for another day and possible another thread :-)
Krish - good point. Sounds like we could both go on....at the annoyance of everyone else!
At least - you made me re-think why I typed it. testament to the benefits of this site.
Maybe we'll chat more about it once we're both dead and more educated =)
Rahul,
A professional job, indeed (some of the commentators are already following the spirit....)
But not exactly the perfect crime - you left back some glorious evidence marked with your initials:
Resident-Indian Power, right?
;-)
That was so funny! I can just picture you running around frantic in your underware in your room.....The battle of the bug lol
Dear Rahul,
After spraying so much pesticide...perhaps you may want to visit your Doc and get checked...just in case, fumes travel!
We have, on occasion, those insects with 100 legs or so...and boy, do they go fast! Yes, I've also sent many to their next lives, I think maybe one day I'd open the bathroom door and there would be one as big as the bathroom...waiting for me...and it won't be to thank me!
Cinda
Funny... there's nothing like a good workout, huh?
Insects, roaches, whatever, I can deal with. All you really have to do is swat them or hit them with a paper, or better yet step on them then get some tissue paper, pick 'em up and flush them down the toilet.
Rats and mice on the other hand... they squeal, are throughly disgusting and are like actual animals with long disgusting tails that just wiggle! UGH... in fact, let's just not go there...
u r so cute............i read ur a love lost very recently in one of the papers.i really love u the way u write.ur expression is beautiful.
Hi Rahul,
I like your style of narration & this encounter must have indeed brought in your mind the real difference between our street smart Bollywood cockroach & its Hollywood polished counterpart.
No wonder your expereince of handling the stunts on your own in the movies, must have provided the much desired boost of energy ........ and i am also sure thousands of ants watching the massive battle must have appluaded in excitement after your terrific triumph. :-)
hi again,
it was hilarious.i must confess even i am really scared of this insect specially the ones who fly around and i had cocroaches coming in my dreams also.believe u me......even the smallest one is scary.very recently i was searching 4 ur photographs on google and i came to know bout this sight.its g8.there is a big sense of satisfaction that atleast u r reading what we think bout u and ur skills.day before yesterday only i saw hollywud-bollywud for the first time.gud movie.i must compliment u for ur smile and ur very deep n expressive eyes.
So many compliments and admiration within hours....and all you had to do was to kill a cockroach in your boxers...
How can you keep it cool after this, Rahul?
Previous blog must seem to you a long time ago
Milinda
Corrigendum:
"..to kill a cockroach wearing your boxers.."
Sorry about that...English is second language
Milinda
Corrigendum II:
"...to kill a cockroach while wearing your boxers"
I know, I know, a sin twice committed no longer seems a sin...
Oh! So much to kill a cockroach... well I used to dissect lots of them in my zoology practicals coz I had to... only thing i didnt like abt them is that they stink! otherwise I would gracefully get rid of them by deporting them to a place better suited to their taste... but never kill one ... its not fair to kill it so brutally :-(
congratulations on your first kill! i still scream for help or try to scare the guy into a dark corner (by stomping dangerously close to him) and hope to God he won't return. and on occasion i've been caught saying "shoo!" to tiny ones.
sometimes i imagine that they'll be born as a higher life form and that kind of helps.
and if you don't kill with hatred, i guess its ok.
also - is a spray easier to use cause it's less messy or is it easier cause in some way we're less involved (no bodily force etc)in the act of killing...
and for whatever its worth, i think you're a fantastic writer.
Very funny Rahul! Isn't it interesting, the things we are afraid of? Your story reminds me of many bug encounters of my own. I once put my pajamas on not knowing a large black cricket was inside. I never jumped out of bed so fast in my entire life! I now catch and release to the outdoors anything I find in my home. We have an official bug cup for this purpose. Unfortunately that task always has to rest on my shoulders "because you're the biologist mom, you should be used to it." Ha! I still can't catch a fast moving spider without a scream! And my daughter gets so mad at me when I miss, leaving it to come back and scare us another day!
hahaha....hilarious!
gives me the yuck willies... if I found one of those creatures in my apartment I'd sleep with all the lights on; go out and buy as many "clap-on-clap-off" light fixture thingies and place them in my closets, under my bed......any where there is a hint of darkness. The thought of one crawling on your face when your sleeping.....whew! Bats bother me. Mice. Snakes freak me out, but cochroaches are horrendous!!! Ish!!!!! Gross!!! We may get 6 feet of snow here in minnesota, but thank God we don't have them here. I heard they can get really huge?
hahahaah this is too funny, even though the picture of the ugly cockroach at the end of the post freaked me out and ...! I think u were extremely brave, rahul - because I've actually called the building super for things like spiders and mice (thankfully, no encounter with the cockroach yet!) Although I really do think that cockroaches were originally meant to be exempt from the "don't kill" rules of the non-violence rulebook...well they should be!
Rahul: "Manly Roach Hunter"
Kristen - I saw one of Rahul's movies recently - "Bollywood/Hollywood" and it is hilarious and he is quite adorable ;-) I highly recommend it.
Love, Sheba
Well take it from the Dalai Lama (non-violence)who recently here on Global TV made a comment about non-violence.
He said something like..."well yes non-violence is very good but that doesn't mean if someone is attacking you that you should just stand there and take it, you do what you have to to protect yourself..."
OH NO...could this be contradictory?
If you ask me, it makes sense what Dalai Lama said there. The whole extreme non-violence thing works out better for the ones who use guns.
Very funny.. v good.. Rahul you should take up writing professionally, not that this isn't to be taken seriously.. you hav a fabulous talent and a wicked sense of wit and irony. Keep blogging...
The biggest cockroaches I saw were at my sister's in Hawaii..but it is lizards that freak me out and not cockroaches.
Rahul, as I keep saying you are in the wrong profession..you are an awesome writer with a wicked wit and sense of humor.
I hope to see you write a book some day and act in a classy out and out comedy one of these days! And I hope this post gets so many hits that it crushes the competition without any need for cyber sprays! come on guys -any man who valiantly goes up in arms against the mighty cockroach(this species multiplies and thrives at an amazing pace)deserves tons of cyber kudos in the form of posts!
Kavita-you are funny! I remember your tongue in cheek Rahul Khanna is mad at me post. So I guess the friendship is out of the cyber coffin, revived!
So here is my cyber support,as per Madam K's request!
Jokes apart, Rahul, funny as hell and boxers is the way to go, man-especially in emergency situations like this!
yeah something sinister about cavorting in the hallways in crotch grabbing briefs!
hillarious...nicely written Rahul 'The Hunter'. There is a buzz about ur terror in "Roach's" world...so next time when I see Cockroach, I know what to say....'Bhag ja nahi to Rahul aa jaayega'.
I Hope you don't mind.
To Kill A Mocking Cockroach....sorry for the bad joke...check out my blog: pyramidcorpses.blogspot.com
hi,we know that u're currently in new york and enjoying the lovely weather but wen will u post ur next entry.i am starving 4 one.plzzzzzzz soonnnnnnn.
luv
sonam
Really cool blog. I like your sense of humour :)
Soon, Sonam. Soon...
hahaha thats hilarious!sigh....cockroaches. wonder how hilarious the respect humans show for them must seem to bystander. Imagine a huge creature like 100 times our size cowering before us with a giant-sized chappal..relativity amuses me.
The truth is, we respect them because we should. Theyve outlived us on this planet, and get stronger with every spray of pesticide. Their numbers triple everyday.
Rahul, you've won the battle but alas not the war..I declare we shall see then day when cockroaches conquer the world...be prepared all ye soldiers for that ultimate epic battle!
PS Rahul...you're an incredible writer...and have a very cute smile :)
Rahul Khanna the Existential Philosopher
Existential Philosopher
hey.............u know wat last night there was a rat in my frnds room n i got the inspiration 4m u that if u can kill a cockroach why cann't i kill that rat.though it was very difficlt but i told my frnd that if he can why can;t we.........thanx 2 u.that courage was all urs.
very funny ! but a new post !
There was an Alexander, there was a Napolean and then there is a Rahul Khanna. I would not be able to muster that kind of strength.
Well written!
Just for the benefit of those whose lives are affected by these monsters, the Bombay Muncipal Corporation is actually reviewing a proposal for a cockroach temple. Maybe Rahul would like to be a priest there.
Khushvi, new to blogging.
i know exactly how u feel when a moment such as this comes up. after i killed a roach (or spider), i felt like i won a battle. but in the end, regret washed over me (then again, i am a neatfreak).
p.s. sikind, that was deep and spiritual...thank u.
chi chi paapi kahin ka
I thought it would be a lizard!!! err..welll i get the same way around lizards only i'm not so brave to actually go back and try to lift the shoe up and spray, no i go for the tried and true method SCREAM! scream my friend like there's no tomorrow!!!! (generally works in my case) ahhh but u werent awarded that luxury...sniff sniff....btw love ur posts :) like writing long winded stories (hehe) too myself. Actually on a serious note, love the way u write coz I can relate to it (hmmm so it seems to be all I I I for me, narcissist freak aren't I?!) do drop me a line, would love to exchange bug killing notes
Rahul - ONE sentence - > Absolutely tantilizingly, and a completely absorbingly priceless adventure between the battle of the earthly beasts, which leave the reader, demanding more, more, more!
North
Hi rahul
i m a huge fan of urs..since the time u hosted MTV's most wanted. :))
I really like ur work. came across ur blog for the 1st time 2day and this one was hillarious...
too good :)
Take care
Som.
Hi rahul
i m a huge fan of urs..since the time u hosted MTV's most wanted. :))
I really like ur work. came across ur blog for the 1st time 2day and this one was hillarious...
too good :)
Take care
Som.
All that effort? You could have gone ahead and just changed in front of him........roach would auto harakiri.
Oh, how terribly funny! It is nice to get to know a person through their writing skills!!!! Especially when there is no chance of knowing them otherwise. It's so funny because just yesterday I came to work and opened the fridge to discover the very same type of enemy lying flat on his back...just begging for assistance to right himself!!! Well, I was a bit startled to say the least (apparently, the last person did not check to be sure the door was closed and so our stealthy little friend made a break for it). I grabbed the dishwashing liquid and squirted him enough to make sure he'd stay put until building management sent someone to view the scene. In the end he was balled up in a flurry paper towel and carted off...(they sent this little tiny maintenance lady...Jackie...I could have done that much).
Rahul, this was a brilliant piece. Enjoyed it thoroughly. I don't fear the cockroach, pretty handle-able, but when it comes to the lizard, well - that's totally a different story then. I have written on my blog http://www.deepakjeswal.com/murder-on-my-mind/
54. Posted by
DeepakJeswal
![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.intentblog.com/nav-commenters.gif)
on
April 24, 2007 08:26 PM
lolzzz..u r just such a big "drama"
really..this was tear-inducingly-hillarious
reminded me of my first ever post as a blogger "lizardophobia"
i have a fear of lizards u see and can absolutely understand your situation there..though thank God i have never had to kill one
:D
55. Posted by
umangexuberance
on
November 17, 2007 07:14 AM
Post a comment
Thanks for signing in, . Now you can comment. (sign out)
(If you haven't left a comment here before, you may need to be approved by the site owner before your comment will appear. Until then, it won't appear on the entry. Thanks for waiting.)Thanks for signing in, . Now you can comment. (sign out)
(If you haven't left a comment here before, you may need to be approved by the site owner before your comment will appear. Until then, it won't appear on the entry. Thanks for waiting.)
Recent Posts
- 06/08/08: Open Thread
- 05/08/08: Can the Mystery of Consciousness Be Solved Objectively?
- 05/08/08: Returning to the Mat
- 04/08/08: Outlook - Perspective - Meinung - Pensiero!
- 04/08/08: Is the Universe (including life) a Purposeless Accident? Science of Purpose: Part 1
- 04/08/08: Given that, at base, we are One being, should we always bear in mind that even the most conflicting of views will have common root connections?
- 03/08/08: Stampede in India
- 03/08/08: Are We an Accident?
- 03/08/08: Weekly Intent - Kevin Boon
- 01/08/08: New Life in a New World
Recent Comments
-
umangexuberance commented on A Time To Kill
lolzzz..u r just such a big "drama"
reall -
DeepakJeswal commented on A Time To Kill
Rahul, this was a brilliant piece. Enjoyed it t
-
Seline commented on A Time To Kill
Oh, how terribly funny! It is nice to get to kn
-
Sarita commented on A Time To Kill
All that effort? You could have gone ahead and
-
som commented on A Time To Kill
Hi rahul
i m a huge fan of urs..since t
Rahul, you are really funny.