Sohaila,

On the outset appologies on behalf of my fellow Canadians for your bitter experience, but anyone in Canada will tell you this is a one off incident. Canada is a new age multicultural society, where we have gone way beyond the structures of colour or origin, atleast at the public level. I can never imagine anyone residing in Canada who would have this in their blog because they know, understand and feel the tolerance of our society.
In Canada(unlike US or even UK) our parliament is a reflection of our diversity and our democracy is a true living testimony to an open society; we have a lot of ethnic representation in the parliament and even our health minister is a Indo-Canadian.As a young Indo-Canadian political activist, I have found that the freedom of expression and level of support from the immediate community that you live in is very high in Canada and is usually merit based and not color based. I dont think I would have had this level of political success even in India in such a short span.
On your comments..
"It's obviously something really terrible, because even the slightest physical contact seems abhorrent to them."

I think most people living in western world will disagree with this. I do agree that such instances/kind of people are there, but they are a small percentage of the population. The mosaic of diversity and integration is fairly high in Canada, US, UK and most part of EU where inter racial marriage are very common and such incidence's very rare.

I agree with you on the second part; I have had more racial challenges in India than in western world. The seeds of racial division are sown the day you are born in India when you are issued a community certificate which describes whether you are a FC/BC/SC/ST and what not classes they have.
Our education, government employment and worse our democratic system is caste based and that needs to be gradually addressed.

BTW, I hoped you enjoyed the pride weekend otherwise and your next visit will be better :)

Ok, hold on, I think I know you, didn't you do programming for OMNI in Canada, if you are the same Sohaila, I'm thinking.

"What is it that brown or black conveys to the white world?"

http://www.stormfront.org will give you the brutal but honest answers.

"To all those folks who practice such discrimination at home, I would say, try being on the other side of the fence. It really hurts."

Yes, it hurts, but I don't think these folks care about that. The best thing is to not let them affect you or your sense of who you are. If you're Indian, I've noticed that Indians rarely ever bother with what others say or think about them. I think they must get this from somewhere that you haven't.

Dear Sohaila,
First I am VERY sorry that this happened in both instances. I don't think that it has to do with brown or black, I think it has to do with being different.

I can't even count how many times when I lived in Asia that I hated my white skin and was ready to trade it for another color. I would be stared at and glared at constantly, I was followed around in stores and called a theif behind my back. (I have never stolen a thing in my entire life) I would be solicited for sex or called a whore by people sitting next to me who thought I was too dumb by virtue of being white to speak their native tounge (and supposedly too dumb to be able to hold their eating utensils I might add) all of this because to many if not most of the people I met in the country I visited, all white women were considered to be drunk whores and thieves who do nothing but eat hamburgers, get fat, act crazy, and have sex.

This of course unfortunately has been nothing but supported by the hollywood stereotypes.

On one occasion in the countryside people would kick me just because they didn't know how to touch my skin without being impolite, so they would follow me around and looks for ways to kick me when I wasn't looking. Which made for a very comic scene I might add.

Honestly, after much thought and mental anguish I realized that it was not personal and it was not due to the color of my skin. By the way if you are thinking about the supposed added status of foreigners in Asia, generally it is superficial at best.

So I had white skin and I was told to my face that I was easy because I was white. I was told many other things in front of my face, but of course the people around me didn't know me, so they thought I couldn't understand what they were saying. I was called a devil, a big nose, a bastard, that foreigner, and numerous other things that are inappropriate to say here. Unfortunately my situation was not unique at all.

I even had trouble finding a place to live becuase in general landlords did not want to rent to white women becuase they didn't want to "deal with guys coming in and out of the building all of the time" and they thought that by virtue of being white that I would trash the place.

Ultimately after getting to know some people and learning how I had to act and dress in order to transcend some of these stereotypes, I came to a realization. It was not that any of their assumptions about Western culture was true, and it wasn't about the color of my skin or hair.

It was about people not knowing better and my being different. If the media supports stereotypes, like the hollywood stereotypes supported by in country media that take the hollywood stereotypes to a whole new level, or like the horrible anti-terrorist racial profiling here in America, then of course the racism and fear of what is different become much worse.

Racism and discrimination exist everywhere and for ALL people white, brown, black, green, blue, pink, purple, or otherwise it REALLY does hurt. This is no caste system, it is fear of someone that is different and fear of what that difference in the mind of the perciever that this difference represents.

Until this awful phenomena hopefully one day disappears all together, please know and remeber that it is not personal and it comes from ignorance and fear.

I guarantee you that if the Canadian woman you refer to could see you beyond her own fears and the color of your skin, she definitely would wish she was your friend. :)

Namaste,
J

Yes, Vijay, i am the same person. I have lived three years in Canada. It's a beautiful country and very free, but it does not take away from these experiences, some of which took place there.

Sohaila

Dear J

Your words are comforting. What was good was not the realisation that someone else suffered the same fate as me (worse, in this case), but the suggestion that it isn't anything personal, but just the FEAR of something or someone different. I am impressed by your maturity and warmth. I think it's great that in spite of all the slander and discrimination, you are not taking it personally and find it in yourself to forgive these trespasses. Wish more people would learn from you...starting with me!

Cheers

Sohaila

Yeah, I know what you mean. I'm pretty sure that the lady was an American:). In all seriousness we have had worries about integration of immigrant communities as the numbers are increasing and with changing phases, faces of Canada are changing too, but the level of tolerance is very high, especially in Toronto where Whites are minorities and ethnics are the majority. The odd challenge always pops up, but there is no magic formula to it.

The south Asian theatre community is coming well in Toronto, and we hope we can see one of your work here sometime. Cheers and good luck.

Having spent 6 years in the US, I know how it feels to be discriminated! Now before all liberals start gunning, let me add that the discrimination in the US is not obvious (thank God!) but is very subtle! It becomes a bit obvious when you come in contact with masses (like in McDonalds/musical concerts/subways/Greyhound etc.)

But the most interesting part is, observe the way a typical American kid (with all inncoence of 2+ years!) watches in sheer bewilderment at the brown skin:)

On another note: Generally I've seen, in public places Americans refrain to have phycial contact even by mistake. This could be coming not from discrimination but the fact that the population density being so small, everybody can enjoy his/her own space, literally!

One example of this is watch the ATM lines in India & US. I've seen Indians commonly jostling around in any line (& even I, an Indian, don't like it). Other example is watch a group of Indians on a exhibition tour. They will fall on one another to catch the glimpse of what is being told by curator/demonstrator/instructor etc.

I guess, this has just evolved out of getting used to so high population density & so so little personal space.

Sohaila,
i feel discrimation is omnipresent...
there r people who wud somehow find something or the other wrong ..on all levels..if it is not race or religion then it wud be money and so on ..but there r also people who look beyond these labels and r considerate and kind..hope u meet such people who give u positive experiences which u can share in ur future posts..

kufr,the website is shocking reality ...

Sohaila,

I'm surprised you didn't know about white supremacists. That website kufr pointed to is instructive, but read it and what's coming across there with a calm detachment, otherwise you'll feel hurt.

Besides the things J has described, I think the idea is that they consider Western/European civilization to be self-evidently superior to all others, by virtue of all others wanting to immigrate to their countries. And they mention all the things you did (grime, ignorance, stupidity, poverty, corruptability) as emanating from being non-white, since they're characteristics of countries like India. And consequently fear that European/white civilization is endangered by the uncontrolled influx of non-white people (us) because such people will introduce these characteristics to their countries as well.

What they seem to be missing though is that human history is much longer than the 200-400 or so years of Western dominance. Cycles of civilizational dominance are the omnipresent reality in human history.

The other thing that seems to be missed is, isn't culture is an acquired thing? They seem to believe that culture comes from the genes, not from the society you live in, which seems a bit strange.

I think the only befitting answer we have at the moment to these arguments is to make our own country better, less corrupt, less poor, less grimy, etc.

Take care, and don't worry about people glaring at you. There are so many who're admiring too :). Why focus on the negative. I say, emphasize the positive experiences!

Ditto, you acknowledge a point I have been trying to make and it's pretty clear it's not unknown but certainly it is underhanded.
Of course it hurts.
We can only try to unify.
Maybe it would begin with our forgiveness.
Maybe a miracle.
Sometimes acting out of higher self I have used love when I was aware-it works instantly sometimes. However I believe the guilt causes them to continue the cycle of hate. Those who treat others with that kind of hate need to forgive themselves, I don't think it makes any difference how much I forgive them. And this is guilt, that goes waaay back.

Sohaila,

We were in Delhi in 1981 and there was a "Jagran", a whole night of loud filmy songs blaring regardless of the nuisance, in our colony. To make matters worse one loud speaker was positioned about 20 feet away and facing our bedroom window. Unable to take it any longer at about 2 am I went out and asked the guy who was involved to remove the loudspeaker or tone down the volume. He turned to me screaming "Don't you know this is a jagran, it's a religious occassion! Aren't you an Indian? You have to learn to respect others religion etc etc etc" I'm afraid my reply can't be put down here in writing! By this time a few others also appeared and joined me and a truce was called, we gave him another half hour, which he reluctantly abided by.

On another occassion, much earlier, we were new arrivals Pathankhot. At a function someone asked me my caste, I said I was a Parsi. This made no sense to him and the question and reply were repeated a few times. A friend who was watching all this then explained to me that this guy wanted to know my surname, so I told him and couldn't help but laugh. Somehow this got that man riled and he ranted at me about how I was not a patriotic Indian and that I was disrespecting Hinduism!

In no way did these affect my opinion about my country, Hindus or fellow Indians. On the contrary, what was said about me was not in any way a reflection on me as much as it was about the other person. Two stray incidents against countless others which are all positive, need to be seen in perspective. From what I've heard about Canadians and Canada, I'm sure you have had more positive interactions than this incident - no matter how insensitive and crude it may have seemed at the time.

Sohaila - I think you are totally over-reacting. It was a parade after all. People tend to get jostled around. You've been in Canada for only 3 years. You've grown up as part of a majority and enjoyed a free life. It's up to you now to be sensitive to western sentiments. People don't like being touched. Instead of wailing and whining about it, how about doing your bit, i.e., keep out of the way? Canadians are among the nicest people on this planet and if you haven't been able to figure that out in 3 years the problem must be you.

Prejudice is not just against skin colour/race. It is also projected towards the obese, the short statured, the uglies, the poor, disabled and aging, not to forget, the disfunctionals and social mis-fits.

I am a middle-aged, white woman; and face prejudice and descriminatory "actions" of others often too; in other "disguises."

I am short, therefor fall short, of social expectations on height; I am poor; therefor, failing to meet society's expectations in measuring "worth." I am from a "poor" family name; therefor cursed with it. I can go on; but, I think most of you can get my drift? I use my example, because it is indeed, the truth and the plight of all men and women; whom fall short of society's expectations.

There is a variety of discrimination and prejudism in the world. I am multi-national; therefor considered a mud-blood and of lesser value. I come from an extreme impoverished background; therefor struggle harder, to overcome adversity and the discriminating factors of such.

The family has been struggling for generations; to climb out of a deep concave of poverty. Not unlike people in Asia. For generations; a family can be owned by conditions and not free necessarily; to progress in better future's.

WE are not here, voluntarily; nor do we feel, we put ourselve's here out of desire.

Somehow; because of who/what/where/why/when we were born; affects/effects like a set of domino's a chain reaction within a whole community; which needs severe over-hauling.

Children, in the home; hear their loved one's condemn this person; that person; that race, this race; that religion; that political party.

Before a child knows the meaning of most words; they know they don't like dark skin, short people; disabled people or the poor or un-educated.

IT is a parenting failure of society.

Sohaila, I am so very sorry; for your experience in my home country; and can only hope and pray that one day, you and I; will be treated with equal respect and dignity; regardless of our adversity, in dealing with prejudism; may we always strive to forgive them.

North

Dear Sohaila,

It's been my experience that morons hold no special skin colors or ethnicity. In some ways, it's kind of nice to know that wherever you go you can at least count on coming across one or two of them (isn't there a "Morons Without Borders" group?)

Anyway, I have spent many years in Canada and the United States and I have done quite a bit of traveling abroad. Mostly I have discovered that some people are kind to you and some people are not (had a guy spit on me in Paris because he heard my accent and deduced I was American...this was even during the Clinton years when America was not as loathed LOL!). Anyway, my point is no country seems to have any special claim to the extraordinarily stupid...we all have them (and most are more than happy to announce it).

Generalization always leads to disconnection and is never true.

Having said all of that, whenever I am offended by something I try to remember that my offense is always based upon my interpretation of what happened and not necessarily what actually happened. When I review my experience from a place of calm I often see that all of the assumptions that I made about what someone was thinking or feeling was most likely wrong. In your case, maybe the woman had some space issues for any number of reasons, and maybe the white girl that bumped into her was her niece or she knew her or whatever. Maybe she was stressed from work or had a bad experience in the car that day and was upset and you experienced a reflection of that emotion that actually had nothing to do with you or the color of your skin. By the time that the white girl bumped into her, she may have realized that she had been rude to you and decided to shift...who knows?

Of course your feelings are valid, but it's helpful (for me anyway) to remember that I can never know what is going on inside someone elses head...I can only guess and being human means I usually pick the most personal reasons for someone elses reaction.

Good luck and much love to you.
Peace,
Scott.

To conclude; what many face besides skin colour prejudism; is found in the working poor population.

On my path, I have been learning how to "not" let them "under" my skin; rather, I forgive them their ignorance; for they were raised to be, that way; or learned, to be that way.

Ignorance is not a fault; sometimes, it's a default of one's "grain."

North

Dear Sohaila,
Racism and discrimination of all types is very real in our world and we when perceive ourselves to be on the receiving end it can really hurt.

Yet, I think that if we are honest with ourselves we will find that our discomfort comes from a perceived lack we have within ourselves much moreso than anyone else's opinion of us. I don't want to discount your feelings or perception, but I want to encourage you to wonder why it is important to you what a stranger in a parade may or may not be thinking about your appearance or skin color. For myself, when I stop looking at the other person or group I find the insecurity or the wound within myself. I find the part of myself that I need to claim, accept, embrace and love. That acceptance and love doesn't involve blaming another (even if they have done something to harm me, intentionally or unintentionally.) It's a personal journey. It's a journey that takes me to the source, the love and perfection within my own self.

Love, Kristin

ps. I read my husbands post above. Funny he should mention that the woman may have had "space issues"... I have had my share of those (as he well knows!). And I can't tell you how many people I have GLARED right out of their seat next to me. Actually, just my hostile energy has sent some people running for cover! But I think that the person that really hurt most during those times was myself... I hurt myself.

Kufr,

I clicked onto the "storm front" website that you posted. You can find these fringe nuts in every culture and every ethnicity. I wouldn't worry about these goofballs or their philosophy...these guys barely represent a tiny minority of any race.

If you think about it, you can have compassion for people that think like that. Just imagine how fearful you would have to be to adopt those types of beliefs? How deprived of contact with so many wonderful, interesting people? How lonely would you have to be after trapping yourself into a belief system like this? Rather than being afraid of people like this, I feel sad for them.

Peace,
Scott.

What a hypocritic world it is. Many of us in Intentblog who talk about discrimination (of course there are exceptions here) practice discrimination at home. In my opinion, we should first eradicate discrimination at home before even start whisphering about discrimination elsewhere. First let us sit back and think (if it is possible) how we discriminate our own people in India. Then we can start worrying about others discriminating us (Indians/Indian born) in places outside India.

Dear Krish,
You are right to say - we must look at ourselves to see wherein we practice and in subtle or obvious ways - discriminate.

The spiritual journey - always brings us back to peering at ourselves, and to unravel the labels, opinions, and belief systems that keep us from being a Citizen of the World.

The real change - is to change oneself!
Blessings,
~~ K

I HAVE BEEN PROGRAMMED TO BE RACIST - Now that I own it. I can fix it.

TV news always showing black criminals as though a white man can't do wrong. Terrorists are always brown as though corporations haven't done many times more damage to human life and the planet. Acting roles reflect the niche that society wants to portray the Black man, the American Indian, the East Indian....

To counter this, I've been blessed with working with a Black and a Panamanian parter. Between the three of us, we can easily spot someone else's aversions to at least one of us. Adding to this the fact that I record & produce hip hop, R&B, and Gospel - I get first hand experience at being hated. VERY insightful - so much so that I can now see my programming in full effect in certain situations. It isn't until you see your mindless habit that you can change the programming and take control of your thoughts and actions.

I went to a wedding in the Bahamas in July. The bride and groom had several East Indian friends that obviously retained their cultural roots despite being in America. I was moved at both the external beauty as well as the inner beauty & dignity that they all seemed to possess. The way they smiled at each other & at ME still takes me back. I noticed that they didn't mingle much, then it dawned to me that maybe it was everyone else that wasn't mingling...

Kids play together with not a second thought about skin pigment OR gender. Why can't we adults hold on to this?

Sikind

Krish; yes; we need to make adjustments to things that are said and done, in the "home" of each one of us;

as functioning adults; it's a must, if not obligation; to raise children to be impartial, unbias, and strive to be open to all people;

because we are all one race of beingness; and we fight; change; pray; hope; and educate;

that one day; people realize, to stop racist manifestation, is to stop the word from being spoken out loud about "someone" and their religion/race/skin/height/weight/appearance/political choice, on and on. You are very wise.

K,,,you are so right; and though my thoughts that were drifting like shadows in the back of my mind as I read some response's; was that yours really stuck out; because it really does require change of one, to change All.

Wonderful thoughts, everbody!

North

Hmm, so if this means; that to manifest hatred; is from thinking/acting with it; then the process in reverse just might suffice as the "way" to stop hatred.

Nah, too simple and logical!(wink with humour)

We, as Human beings much prefer the complexities and perplexities manifest of pleasure and desire(uh oh) to rule, dominate and/or simulate rule of this planet; without regard, nor remorse about global actions and systematic decline in the world's only natural resource's.

Maybe, if we start to really think/desire/focus and manifest healing the earth; we save the people.

Constant feeding and focus will be off discrimination, taking it personally, which is pretty hard not to do; I know; because I am short; and if I hear ONE more short joke; I'll scream(wink)

Maybe if we all focus instead on human survival; in the times to come for all of us, as Mother Nature shows us her evolutionary "manifestation" of earthquakes and hurricanes of destructive proportion.

Sure makes me wonder why any form of discrimination exists?

I think Asia has given many people an instant awakening; on how fragile and precious life is when living on a living/alive, planet. Why do we sweat the little things; when those little things mean little; in times of destruction.

Just some drifting thoughts.

North

great comments. great food for thought. most of them, thoughtful, gentle....and with love. i was happy to receive all your positive responses on such a controversial and provocative subject.

but DIVYA...just a minute. your response seemed a bit defensive. i love canada too you know and have some great canadian friends. a bit juvenile to think that in my three years i have found only negative streaks in people. why i pointed to this incident in canada is precisely because of the reputation canadians have...of being friendly, of possessing a multicultural bent, sans any racial bias...at least in the metropolises. so when it happened, and that too in one of the most secular events, it shocked me and i thought of writing about it.

your comments were contradictory.....you say that its natural to get jostled about in a crowd, and in the next breath say that canadians do not like to be touched, so i should be sensitive to their sentiments. how about their sensitivity to my plight (that i could have been pushed from behind?)and their understanding of crowd psychology? how come the girl understood that psychology when the other white girl behind her pushed rather violently against her, and got a forgiving smile instead?

and no, SCOTT, they didn't know each other because i saw them behave like complete strangers to each other and your comment about her making amends for her behaviour towards me by being nice to the other girl....that's not on, because she continued with her baleful looks at me and my pakistani friend...a look that clearly read, `you try that once more and see what i do!'

sohaila

Look. Society in 2005 is IGNORANT. PLEase VISIT the vision of this wonderful artist that goes beyond the ilusion of the skin. Reminding us the beauty to be alive.
Alex Grey.
www.alexgrey.com
His gift to us.

sohaila : sad : but surely your experience did not surprise you. i am a desi/indian : i am not white (in colour) : if i encountered what you did i would hold my head high and look down upon the whitey : and make sure the whitey realises i am scorning him/her. incidentally : have you sighted my book : down memory lane.you may like to log on to google.com and search : down memory lane by hiro shroff : hiro shroff : oral historian & journalist : mumbai mobile +91 98208 90764 : 16/02/06