MY FAVORITE LOVE STORY IS THIS ONE
Kavita Chhibber - November 17, 2005
Because it made two ordinary people extraordinary.
He sits before me trying to speak through a metallic device pressed against certain sweet spots on his throat, struggling at times and using a paper and pen to convey what the metallic voice from his throat cannot. At other moments he is clear and lucid and even sings a couple of Punjabi songs in tune in a robotic voice that makes every one smile and gets the kids excited and fascinated. Sunil Kapahi, a brilliant IIT Delhi(Indian Institute of technology) and IIM(Indian Institute of Management) Calcutta graduate has had so many curveballs thrown his way in his 47 years that at times he must be wondering if the recurring bends in the road he is journeying on, is just the way a road travels.
In the early 80s Sunil met a woman who would play a key role catching all the curveballs and bringing balance in a life that was to start spiraling out of control only a few years after their meeting.
The woman was a Bengali fellow engineer named Rita Das. The two met in the company office and started a conversation which resulted in a friendship that has lasted over 2 decades.. Yet the day he told her he had romantic feelings for her clutching a cushion as he sat across from her, Rita laughed at him and told him not to harbor such feelings. “Firstly I was a Bengali, and he a Sindhi Punjabi but most importantly there had never ever been a love marriage in the family. I told him his family would not welcome me, and he would get yelled at as well. Then he said dramatically-you are not marrying my family you are marrying me! He kept calling and came up with another bollywood line-mere saath chaar kadam chal ke toh dekho (at least just try walking four steps with me)!”
When she finally gave in and Sunil informed his mother that he was interested in Rita, just Rita’s name was enough to have the Hindu family in a tizzy.” They thought I was a Christian, and also some fast moving, short skirted floozy who had ensnared their poor innocent boy!”
As the young couple married and began their new life together, unknown to them dark clouds had already started swirling around.
Sunil had been suffering from what they thought was Spondalytis off and on, but actually turned out to be his immune system attacking itself. By the time the true problem was finally diagnosed in 1988, Sunil was well on his way to complete kidney failure. “He was told kidney failure would occur in 10 years, it happened in five,” says Rita. “All he needed was immune suppressants and he would have been fine. Instead the doctors continued giving him medicines like ibuprofen for the pain thinking it to be Spondalytis.”
Then came the rounds of hospitals for dialysis, a sudden disorientation resulting in a stroke. Rita remained calm and collected much to Sunil’s surprise. “I come from a family of very strong minded people. I have also had deep faith that the God who creates these sufferings for us also gives us the strength and help to overcome these difficulties.”
Two and a half years later after his kidney failure in 1993, Sunil received a kidney and responded very well. “Even though only 2 out of the required 5 characteristics matched, the anti rejection drugs have become so good that they were able to do the transplant,” he says. Sunil felt healthy enough to go back to work, play tennis regularly but then the kidney rejection began and along with that came epileptic seizures. In fact unknown to Sunil he had started having silent seizures even before the transplant occurred. “He would be talking to people and suddenly blank out while still standing there, staring at the people. He would not fall down, that happened much later, but he would recover, and not remember that he had blanked out. People around him started noticing that,” says Rita. For the brightest bridge players and one of the sharpest minds in IIT, this was the beginning of a long road to devastation.
The first time Rita saw Sunil having a grand mal seizure, she thought he was choking and put her finger inside to stop him from biting his tongue, only to have her finger bitten so hard it took 6 months for the finger nail to come back. Rita says Sunil’s seizures were not visible unless he was standing and she would only realize he had one when she would see blood on his pillow, or he would fall down and hurt himself and have no memory of it until she saw the bruises. Initially the doctors let him drive and go for walks thinking the seizures were the nocturnal kind. All that stopped when he lost all sense of direction and rode up and down the train for 3-4 hours not knowing where he was. The seizure happened a couple of times in the car but Rita was able to grab the steering wheel and control the situation. “One time he broke a rib and we only realized it had broken and healed during an X-Ray for another thing,” says Rita. He was then told by the company doctor he needed to stop working as he was becoming a hazard for others and for himself.
From that moment onwards, since the mid nineties, Sunil has been on disability and at home, not permitted to drive or even take walks alone for fear of getting hurt when a seizure comes.
Rita has hung in there for several years, handling an elderly mother in law who was ailing, raising two young daughters Sunita and Vineeta and dealing with Sunil’s bouts with depression as he comes to term with the fact that the stroke and the seizure have wiped out his short term memory so he can’t work.
Sunil would invariably have some problem or the other and they have become a permanent fixture at most hospitals. “It’s quite funny when busy doctors and surgeons who are always rushed for time and see thousands of patients would see me shopping at Kroger and walk up to me and ask, “How are you Mrs. Kapahi?” laughs Rita. “ We are probably the most recognized family in hospitals around town!”
Perhaps the most troubling thing has been the fact that intellectually Sunil doesn’t fit the criteria for counseling. In spite of his stroke his IQ is above the 85th percentile, and he has a family to turn to. Even though he answered several questions related to being depressed in the affirmative he was told by the psychiatrist they couldn’t d anything in terms of rehab. In 1996 they had suggested anti depressants but Sunil refused. Today there are many more support groups, and counseling available to patients as compared to when Sunil fell ill.
Sunil’s two daughters Sunita and Vineeta, who are in High school have seen their father’s struggles and say they have grown up a lot faster than other kids. “ I remember being about 5 when my father had complete kidney failure,” recalls Sunita, “ and my little sister who was about 2, went up to my father, patted his leg and said don’t worry Papa you will be fine. At that age most kids are playing with dolls, safely cocooned in a utopian world, and here was my little sister, actually realizing that things may not be good.” For Sunita, this has led to a chosen career path in neuroscience, though Vineeta says she is saturated with hospitals and a medical career is not high up on her list.
Both girls feel that in spite of all the hardships and struggles and their mother juggling a career, home, and a sick and often cranky husband, they have a fairly normal life. “It has been nice to have our dad at home when we get back. This has made us both stronger and changed our perspective on what is important and what is not,” says Bineeta. Sunita agrees, ‘ You’ll rarely see me involved in the social melodrama that goes on in High Schools, on who’s dating who and who’s wearing what. I am more concerned with how my dad will fare while we are at school and he happens to have a seizure. I think I have also realized that all the other issues I have had to deal with, getting through the teen years, my own bouts of depression are problems I can overcome because we have gone through so much as a family.”
In spite of all the frustrations, Rita has held it together and taken all the ups and downs in her stride. In a life that is not normal and each day is fraught with uncertainty where Sunil is concerned, they were trudging along when Rita started noticing a sudden change in Sunil’s voice a few months ago. “Initially I thought it was a side effect of the throat surgery he had had for sleep apnea. Then I noticed a weight loss which I attributed to some severe bouts of depression that Sunil had had on and off for a year in spite of finally taking anti depressants,” says Rita. A check up revealed cancer of the esophagus. Unfortunately the way the tumor was situated, the doctors said they would have to remove the voice box.
That was the time Rita lost her usual composure and broke down. Sunil on the contrary tried to be very brave and said if he had to lose any faculty the voice box was the one he would miss the least. The surgery an 8 hour affair was performed in June. “Perhaps the most heart breaking thing was seeing him regain consciousness and trying desperately to speak when he saw me and the girls, not knowing he had no voice to speak with,” says Rita.
Today a few months later, Sunil has gone through chemotherapy and radiation, moments of severe depression and helpless anger as he struggles to relearn how to speak again through the metallic device pressed against certain areas of his throat. When he finds the sweet spots things work well, when he doesn’t he gets frustrated and angry if he isn’t understood right away.
Seated for this interview, Sunil says he does try his wife’s patience but expects her to understand because she is still his best friend. Rita jokingly retorts, “Well I’m getting old too. At times you don’t understand what you are saying yourself, don’t you think you should be more patient and tolerant of me?” Sunita says she is amazed at how her mom keeps it all together, going to work, tolerating her father’s mood swings, raising her daughters and dealing with their teenage issues, even if Sunita wakes her up in the middle of the night to discuss something that is bothering her.
Rita always wanted to go back to India and Sunil refused. Today his stubbornness may have just saved his life. "I know there is no way he could have gotten this kind of medical care," admits Rita. “This is a strange society where I see a lot of self absorbed people, but we have been lucky to have friends who have stood by us and helped us out in such great measure.”
Sunil is now discovering new facets to his own personality as he struggles with feelings of low self esteem, the fact that he hasn’t worked for close to a decade. He has been writing, and discovering in the process an ability to tell stories that are captivating. Sunita who loves writing herself is helping him edit and brainstorms with him. She also steps in when tempers rise and patience snaps and she sees her parents arguing. “I tell them you have gone through so much together for 20 years, so just hang in there. I tell my dad I expect to see him around when I get married and play with my kids, so he had better stay positive.”
The future remains uncertain, but Rita says human beings cannot be relegated to being mere statistics. “When Sunil got the transplant, he was told for the kidney to survive rejection, the success rate is 90 percent, in the first year. It goes down to 70-80 percent in the 2nd year and after the third year there are no guarantees. It has been 10 years since Sunil’s transplant, with God’s grace. It’s now the same thing with his cancer. The statistics are again scary, but I believe tremendously in the power of prayer and the human will to over come obstacles and I know we will make it.”
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Posted by Kavita Chhibber at November 17, 2005 10:36 AM
Comments
Very true Kavita , I guess this will not be just urs but everyone's favourite love story.
What should I call it 24 carat pure and authentic love , with true feelings of this nature hardships, no matter how towering they are, they will surely be drawfed.
Thanks, stories of this nature give hope otherwise this is an era when people are known to making statements like hey why are u talking about my ex, century has turned since we split besides 8-10 years is big time.
Wasn't marriage something which people said spanned 7 births, well I hope everyone gets and gives love of the type Rita ad Sunil have between them.
Today he sits before me telling me the story of his life . He holds a small
metallic gadget in his right hand that he presses against his neck
trying to make words. Sometimes it does not work. He takes his pen
and starts writing on a pad when the sounds of his words get warbled.
Other times I heard him sing Punjabi songs to little boys and girls
sitting around him They sing with him, smile and laugh. They dance
and ask him to sing more songs.
Sunil Kapathi is 47…
thank you every one I have known sunil and rita for a long time and they are both very special people..and an inspiration
If you ask every individual, they all have a story behind them. Most of their story or their past have been of struggle, except very few lucky one who had a very clean life.
At times I think that I am the one who struggled in the past. When I read stories like this I just thank God, and feel that I am also a lucky one compared to lot of other people like Sunil.
My heartfelt prayer goes to Sunil, Rita and their kids. Life is nothing but Love, if we have people like Rita the whole world will be filled with Love and peace.
Kavitha, Its Good story.
Hi Kavita, that is a very beautiful narration.I wish good luck to Rita, Sunil, Bineeta and Sunita. God bless you Kavita.
Kavita, very touching story. Hope they have enough mental strength to tackle their situation.
I don't know, every time I read stories like this I feel a little scared!
Anyway it is lovely, and I definately feel sorry for Sunil especially and wow what a family supporting him, I wish him all the best in his new career as a story teller, he is an amazing man. I konw feeling sorry for him probably isn't one of the most useful or grander emotions I could feel for him, but it's just all his suffering that really makes me feel compassion for him, there now I know what I really feel for him.
Thank-you Kavita.
all this makes me wonder whats the purpose of life? where are we here? why so many good people have to go through such sufferings while so many bad people get smooth sail through life?
Dear Kavita,
This is an extraordinary family. You have made me fall in love with the love for your friends.
Suffering shapes the body. It affects the mind. But oh my - the spirit that flourishes amidst the physical confinements.
Love and Blessings to the Kapahis.
Kavita, your tenderness and honesty in writing - captures me completely.
~~ Kate
very inspiring story..
may be this is what.. we mean by true love!!!!!
Kavita,
When I finished reading this story a question came up "Who is the true hero/heroine in this?" Have been looking at it from all angles and have failed to pin point one individual - they are all deserving of the top spot. I guess thats family and love or is it the other way around.
Beautiful.
Nice story, indeed. But not like that of mine.
Hello, Kavita. Have u recognised me?
thank you every body for the outpouring of love and support for sunil and his family. I have directed them to intentblog and hopefully they will be rejuvenated by the good vibes sent their way. Yogi you are absolutely right. every one has a story to tell if you just ask and many stories are of heart break and struggle but some like these give us all hope and faith in the indomitable human spirit that can overcome so much if we dont give up..my good wishes for you..Tanzan thanks forthe sweet twist to the tale..i know sunil will enjoy reading that..dara..I think this is such a prime example of how we are all ordinary people who become extraordinary when faced with adversity. Perhaps the one reason why people still believe in family and marriage is the strength it gives when times are tough..
sunil always says he is not a good patient..he has gone from being one of the sharpest mind to someone who has not worked for so many years..the frustration and depression that comes with low self esteem and an uncertain future is very scary..and while he has the support and love of a tremendously committed family both he and they go through their trying times, when fatigue and frustration gets the better of them. And yet the love and committment always wins the battle..they have had two other friends whose wives and family deserted them, in the face of life threatening illnesses-both men died..and that is why rita is so special..I have rarely ever seen her complain o r feel sorry for herself..nor does she expect praise or gratitude-for her its the right thing to do and all a part of life..
arun I dont recognize you and apologise..please write to me directly at kavita@kavitachhibber.com
I wish Sunil good luck in discovering that he is neither his mind nor the work he does or doesn't do. No matter the outer circumstances, he is worthy of love and respect, from others and himself. And if he does discover who he is beyond the surface and the suffering, then his illness has indeed been a gift and he will find the way to healing from the inside out.
Good luck, Sunil and family!
Kavita,
First of all, kudos to you for highlighting their story with such poignancy. It was touching.
My first reaction though surprised me as well. A question leapt up from nowhere which I want to ask of you and other readers. What if it was Rita who had been ailing instead of Sunil??What do you think the story would have been then?
kaveeta,
its funny you say that..rita always jokes with sunil and teases him that if it had been the other way around he wouldnt have been able to handle it, that women are much stronger in handling adversity than men..however the hopeless sentimental romantic that I am I would like to believe that loyalty and love are the key ingredients that make a relationship powerful..the late actor sunil dutt comes to mind at your question, and the way he stood by nargis ji when she fell ill..so there are men too, who are amazing in their devotion and standing by their women..
though I didnt meet him as often in spite of the fact that he was related to us, sunil uncle has been one of my heroes, in the way he lived his life..i hope you will read his last interview with me on my website..
Hi Kavita,
I quote you
"the hopeless sentimental romantic that I am "
I think its better to be that than being a very successful heartless pracital person.
Always be that way.
Ispita Saha.
Though I must say u r very successful person too.
ha ha thanks Ispita-(you have such a nice and unusual name)I will stay that way..success is a very relative term isnt it? I think every person is special and gifted in their own way,as I keep discovering..
Kavita
I would tend to agree with rita on this one. One is not questioning the intention of men , but more their capacity. When it comes to multi tasking,especially in the face of such adversityita,
, they have a long way to go before they even come close to our sex. Here I am not referring to the odd exception. Women , are nurturers by instinct and character, moreso when calamity strikes. Men I feel ,would try and escape with their head held high and a perfect excuse.
At the cost of reiteration, it is not about the exception such as Mr. Sunil Dutt.My father too was closely associated with him, since we live close by to his residence at Pali Hill.Also in my childhood years as a child actor, I have fond memories of him captured in lovely snaps. His was a story of a larger than life personality in more ways than one. Here , since we are referring to the one in a million example of devoted men, I would briefly like to recount the story of A Mr.Sawhney who lived close by too.(what is it about Pali Hill!)He met his would -be-wife and took to her instantly, in their first arranged meeting. She was diagnosed with T.B. soon after. I am refering to the year 1950 or so when tubercolosis was as dreaded as aids is today. She informed him of it expecting the worst, but as you might have guessed, he did not waver. She was a mere 37 Kgs when they were married and doctors prognosis was anything but encouraging.Like you mentioned, love and its miracles. They went on to have a daughter, but Mrs. Sawhney was bed ridden. Her condition worsened day by day but not the brightness in her eyes or the spirit in her speech. He employed a battery of nurses to cater to her every need when he was away at work.At other times he chose to tend to her himself and they behaved as a normal couple in every other way, hosting parties, and so on. The last I met her she was a pitiable sight,reduced to a bundle of bones, paralysed neck downwards, but lived to be a grandmother.All I would take back with me after a visit to their home, would be the loving smile on Mr.sawhneys face every time his wife cracked us up with her humour, and his constant and unwavering attention towards her comfort.
I am a die hard romantic myself and my husband would perhaps balk at this post. I would rather believe in his undying love for me than want to find out. But, to come back to the point, it is an exception rather than a rule to encounter a devoted man, who then chances are will get quickly eulogised by all us women, much to the chagrin of our male counterparts.
Male readers may find my contention biased.All I ask of them is to take a trip deep inside and if in a relationship, analyse the number of instances their partners may have been there waiting hand and foot ,when they were unwell and whether they have been able to reciprocate with a similar level of patience and devotion unflinchingly,if occasion demanded. If the answer is yes then they do deserve a special mention on this blog. And a photograph as well. While we women deserve it in any case. Gosh I really am a feminist.
I will definitely visit your site.Mr. sunil Dutts example is all the more astounding since the film fraternity can hardly boast of a precedent.
what a touching story Kaveeta, and interesting observations. Being a woman I would like to concur on the inner strength of women, and may be that is why God chose them to be the ones to bear children. However I'm noticing a very interesting trend among younger Indian men here in the states and I wonder if you see the same thing in India.. most of the ones in their 20s and early thirties who were born here have seen their mothers struggle with working and running a home and they seem much more caring and thoughtful of their wives and girl friends and really interactive fathers.. I see lesser of that in men in their forties and fifties and over who were brought up in India and migrated here. My father as I mentioned in an earlier post is the more caring and thoughtful one and he gave a very interesting reason for being that way..he said it was because his mother was his role model, his own father having died when he was barely 7 or so..so he never really had a male figure to follow..he is the real nurturer in the house, in spite of being a total military man.
I have seen and heard such heart warming stories as yours about Mr Sawhney but as yo mentioned they are fewer than stories of the devotion women show their men and children..lets hope more men get in touch with their feminine side :)..kindness and thoughtfulness should have not be determined by gender.
Wonderful thread!! Enjoyed reading the posts filled with compassion. Kaveeta...I was wishing should I post my photo here:) but then thought I'm not there, haven't done that. I'm capable, that's a different story....but I completely agree with you,(not becoz I'm a man) becoz I've witnessed exactly what has been talked in the thread. Rule and exceptions....true. When it comes to Love&Compassion...Women are far ahead. I'm sure you must have heard of that great real life story of Christopher Reeves (Superman). Her Wife was a Superwoman!! My God!! Such women are rare nowadays, men rarer...Sunil Dutt was a Gem. Real life hero. They are simply rarities in today's era!!
Love...Sachin
His Wife. Sorry!
thanks Sachin, and I wonder if you know that Dana Reeves is currently in the fight of her life battling lung cancer. I hope she recovers through usually the prognosis is considered not very encouraging and she is not even a smoker
VERY MOVING...PRESENTED WITH DEEP COMPASSION.
NEXT TIME, WHEN YOU GET CAUGHT IN TRAFFIC JAM..TAKE THE TIME TO BLESS THEM.
Kavita....I couldn't resist responding to that line of yours "God chose them....". Don't you think it is the other way round...Becoz they bear children....becoz they do all the nurturing of the child. Since the dawn of motherhood basically(millions of yrs from the animal kingdom). If Man was given that job...today man would have been as good as a Woman in nurturing. Getting a little humoros I guess. It's changing a little even in India as you say..Guess becoz they have been forced:)
Motherhood, Femininity is Divine!! What a woman experiences as a mother.... a Man is not blessed.
Love...Sachin
While reading this, i paused for a while and prayed for Sunil and his wonderful family. God has a reason for this pain and this pain will go away. They all will come out stronger.
Love and Happiness.
right on Sachin..although some of the fathers I see today and the way they love and nurture their kids, I must say they have come a long way..so there is always hope!:)
My God!! Heartbreaking to hear that Kavita. Dana herself is going thru' this now. Do such things make you ever feel that there is a thing called destiny? What a Woman!!!! She was and is. Sometimes I think that Rose(Titanic) only exists in movies..but I know deep down in my heart, there are people like Rose in real life too. Dana is definitely one amongst them.
God bless her!!
Love...Sachin
There is something special about you, Sachin. It comes through in your writing, and sharing and insights. Kaveetaa too!
Thanks you for sharing here. This has started my morning with great feelings of connectedness and love.
~~ Kate
Kavita,
Yes, there is a marked difference in the present generation .It is very hearteneing to be a witness first hand to the changing face of this man woman equation.I have used the term 'first hand' since I see it in my own environment everyday.
The reasons for it are varied and very interesting.I will mention a few from the top of my head(I am in a shoot and had carried my laptop) before I am called on the sets.First of all the disintegration of the joint family where the men of the house had to follow in the footprints of their forefathers, right or wrong and it was blasphemous for a man to express inapproprite caring and obvious love for his wife.I personally know of an instance where the husband of a friend would fly into a rage act difficult and move her to tears the moment he was in the presnce of his parents and relatives. When she threatened to walk out, he requested her to bear with these tantrums "since he was ashamed to be referred to as henpecked and hence had to be a man and show control over his wife".Wth the advent of nuclear families, men now were freed from the traditional role playing.
Secondly is the economic freedom that the educated woman is now privy to in keeping with her educational achievements. Across all income groups, women today demand equality as a privilege.They no longer feel compelled to swallow the gender based biases their mothers and grandmothers tolerated with heads bowed in surrender.
Lastly and most importantly is the fact that the present 20's or so have as their parents those who have been educated in the 70's and that was a time of womens emancipation in its bloom.So the children especially the sons have been brought up to be free thinkers. I speak for myself. My son is 16 and loves to cook. In fact he does not let the maid enter the kitchen when he is at home. My mother in law is shocked, since both my father in law and my husband never came near the kitchen, even for a glass of water. However, my husband has discovered the joys of cooking exotic dishes and finds it relaxing. I have always encouraged it so that my son should realise that there was no shame in doing what was a female dominatd chore. I am doing my best to free him from any pre conceived shackles of getting cast into a rigid mould. In a society where women are demanding, men have to give them what is rightfully their, namely Equality in every connotation and denotation of the term. As a mother the sooner i make him realise the sense of treating his wife the way hed want to be dealt with, the less complicated will his life eventually turn out.
Just to elucidate my point, i wa offered to model for certain hair products and do a project for mtv besides my regular work. A few years back, a woman might have had to plead her way through, but my son saw to it that the driver reached in time, instructed the servant the lunch menu and my husband, though away on another shoot, called me often to ensure that all was well at home so that I wouldnot be distracted.I am sure my son will be a loving husband and the happiness of my family can be ensured only then. Gone are he days when a mother in law felt threatened by her daughter in law. I would in fact be happy that she takes him off my hands, since I am an over anxious mother..
have to go
Hi Kavita + everybody,
With this letter that I wrote I would like to draw everyons's attention to the indifference and callousness of the doctors at AIMS towards a CRPF jawan injured at the Lal Chowk shoot-out during the fidayeen attack this week.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Respected President,
When we have a gem of a human being like you at helm , I never dreamt that we will see this day, when a " CRPF jawan badly injured during this week's shoot-out at Lal Chowk at Srinagar is languishing for 4 days on the gates of AIMS . Doctors at doctors say they are not admitting him as there is no scope of improvement , what a bizzare statement , I am personally very hurt and just wonder even if they could not do anything to improve his condition , wasn't it necessary to provide him with a ward where he could be lodged in hygenic conditions in such a critical condition, while some more enterprising doctor may rectify his condition.
I think it should have been the government and not the news channels (like Aaj Tak) who took up his case. For heavens sake is media our only recourse now-a-days? How low will the government machinery stoop, one day we have a inspector demanding bribe for release of a dead body, the other day we listen that government is busy saving its oil-tainted leaders, etc,etc.
Please do something else people will start having second thoughts while defending their country, what if I have to wait outside AIMS and not get treated, while tainted ministers have a field day at AIMS.
This is an SOS , please give patriotism a chance.
Jai Hind
Ispita Saha.
Dear Kavita - This is real and true love between Sunil and his family - Rita deserve a medal. I also believe in the power of prayers and I hope that with the love and support from such a wonderful family and friends, Sunil will also beat his cancer. God bless them.
Rohini
Dear Kate...Thank you for sensing that in me. I see the same in you too. It came out becoz of the Beautiful post by Kavita about the real life story of Sunil and Rita, and another beautiful reply by the other Kaveeta. They both are Truly beautiful women... very hearty with Integrity, as can be So easily seen from their writings. Love brings out Love!
This is the kind of Beauty and Femininity which was talked earlier by Dear Deepak in of his posts. The world needs that. God bless the couple!
Love...Sachin
Kaveeta,
I just Laughed at your story of women are always taking care of men!
Here is an example of My Boss's Son. He is suffering from multiple sclerosis. For those who are not aware of this disease, this often referred to as MS, is a chronic and often disabling disease of the central nervous system and patient slowly loose control of each of his body parts and eventually die. There is no cure available for this disease.
He was married (this is a love marriage too) about 15 years ago and they have a daughter. His wife left him as soon as she knew that he couldn’t walk and go to work. She is married again and she lives happily while this guy is in bed counting his day.
I know how much my dad took care of my mother when she was diagnosed with blood cancer. My mother died in the year 1982, but I know how much struggle we went through those days.
My point is men and women are equal when it comes to giving and taking love. But there are always exceptions.
Yogi Selliah
Hi
It has not been since I have gotten older have I realized the power of prayer. It is one of the most powerful things I have experienced.
Joanie
Sunil,
Thanks a million. You are quite a guy yourself.I noticed that you are the only male who has responded in the affirmative to the observations we have made in the above posts. It takes a lot to be able to self analyze objectively without making it a battle of the sexes for supremacy. Keep the faith. You sure have goodies coming your way which you rightly deserve.
Kate,
Thanks.. I take this opportunity to thank you also for your kind words on an earlier post..
Yogi,
For every one case that you may cite as example , I can quote ten where women have been exemplary in their selfless dedication. It is no laughing matter, I assure you. Lives have been ruined either way. My point was about proportion of one vs the other. I dislike generalizations , but am compelled to make it albeit conditionally. The example of your friend and your father may be true. My mother stopped consuming sweets and rice from the age of 45 since my father was forbidden the same due to health problems.She is 80 today. My paternal grandmother consented living the life of a single parent so to say since my grandfather took to living in a Tapovan, which is a solitary reclusive hut in the forests high up in the mountains for meditation and a yogic lifestyle, for the major portion of his life. One can go on endlessly. As I mentioned to quote the odd exception as representative of the majority is nullifying the basic contention.
Thankfully, as kavita and I have mentioned, things are looking up greatly. Caring, nurturing are not domains restricted for women only. Personally, I get very touched when I see men cry in movies. For me it is a sign that they are trying to break away from stereotypes imposed on them extraneously. Intrinsically I opine that men are capable of rearing children as well and the men are from mars women are from venus syndrome is slowly fading.Deep lines are blurring to give way to barely perceptible veins, which is great.
It was not intended to be a battle of one vs the other,but a mirroring of situations so obviously apparent.I have males in my family too whom I love admire, respect and worship. My father was one of them.
Sachin,
Sorry. please replace sunil for sachin in the post above.
Kavita and Kaveetaa,
Whats the difference in a few 'i's and 'e's here and there?:) Your real life stories are most touching. While there are certainly many similar stories about men I do agree that ladies definately have infinitive reserves of compassion, devotion, dedication and perseverence as compared to men. (LOL I feel my nose growing longer and black spots appearing on my tongue!) Seriously though, I do mean it.
Was immediately struck by the coincidence of your husband finding cooking relaxing him Kaveetaa. Even though my abilities are limited to the common dal, vegeatable, curries type and not in the least bit exotic I find myself looking forward to it every morning. As an early riser sometimes I can't wait and by about 6.30 in the morning have already finished - both the cooking and half the food while tasting! But the reason I do it is because it gives me great hmmmm serenity?.. don't know exactly what but its a great feeling.
Dara,
I appreciate your kind words. Men can be so multi faceted when they choose to be. Its highly refreshing to see men in the kitchen. Your wife must be beaming from ear to ear.
Of late the 'metro sexual man'(I am not quite sure what it means)has taken to cooking in a big way, as much as he has begun frequenting the parlour for a facial, threading, manicure and what have you. I dont find it disturbing one bit. If anything, 'vanity thy name is woman' can no longer be termed an adage .Neither would I consider it a reversal of roles, since the definition of roles was designed and not inherent.
My husband is so secretive about his recipes that its become an obsession with our friends to wrench it from him.Dining out, especially when not in the country is no longer a relaxed affair, because no sooner does he eat a dish, he is coaxing the recipe out of the chef. I have resigned myself and am secretly enjoying it too, since he has now taken to baking as well.All in the name of relaxation. Whos complaining?
Kaveetaa,
There the coincidence ends I'm afraid..I love giving out my recipes. Problem is the others are more keen to give me theirs, the ego takes a great bashing!
Have problems with figuring out the metro-sexual types myself. I think its a page 3 term really and think your description is to the point. I do have problems with it though. Now that you have described it for me, am going to discretely check my son and his friends for visible signs!
Have a great week end.
Yes Kaveeta...I was fully aware of the risk that people would take it literally to battle of supremacy between the two sexes when I first responded to your post. It takes courage to write what you and other Beautiful Kavita had to say, you can add me to that by being affirmative in that. Hamne jho dekha zindagi mein...vho kahan... Kisi ke baap ka Darr nahi hai hamein. Why wud I want to deny something which I see everywhere, as a rule mostly and not an exception. Like you said for every 1 case you wud show 10. I may perhaps show 20. Yeah that's how it is. You need to take the complete picture into account, not just some samples.
For most of them it is an Ego battle, when you come from the ego that is what happens, when you come from a loving heart invariably you'll see the brighter side mostly and end up admiring the beauty in others. It's not about competition, but cooperation in a couple. How many of them understand that in today's era? Have you ever wondered why does it have to be a 50/50 attitude, why can't it be a 80/20 attitude..beware 80 for your spouse and 20 for yourself. Being applied to both of them, which means essentially both are thinking more about the other first rather than themselves. Why not? We see that in movies, for sure. We've seen that in real life too...some of the stories you mentioned. Love is something which should not be demanded in my view...Why are you not thinking of me, why are you not paying attention to me? No! It has to be Naturally overflowing....like it is in Rita's case or Sunil dutt's Case or Dana's. Do you think their spouses may have asked them 50/50? You're not paying enough attention, you're not giving me enough love, why don't you heed to my needs?
I myself don't enjoy when people take it as a battle. Pyaar kya hotha hai ye kya Jaane? Once you experience Love in its depth in your heart...you would know that. This was the reason why I said...mothers have been simply Blessed with that in child bearing. You can't understand this thru' your head and arguments, You've to experience that to know what it is!
Sunil&Rita's case and many more Admirable ones which were mentioned here in this thread may act as An Inspiration, and not as some cheap battle between the two sexes. Such stories should bring out the best from the hearts!!
Blessings &Love...Sachin
thanks every body, for your thoughts and observations and good wishes for sunil and rita and their family.
sachin, you are a very special man.
Yogi,you have seen some tough times and may all blessings and a positive and happy healthy life be yours and your loved ones. Kaveeta, thanks for writing your thoughts even in the middle of work. Thanks Dara and every one else.
In the midst of all the dark issues the world is facing including shekhar's latest blog about the rape verdict, these kind of inspiring stories warm our hearts and give us hope that there is so much that is good and positive within us and around us
Ispita,
sorry for not acknowledging your post earlier..weekends are always hectic and I'm just stepping out.
My cousin died of kidney failure many years ago and aiims staff were ill equipped and apathetic in their treatment..my aunt couldnt afford private hospitals though another sister in law almost died giving birth to her son, in a private nursing home in delhi..looks like nothing has changed
Hats off to Rita. She is an extraordinary woman of strength, love and courage. So is the family. Our prayers go out to them.
salam kya haal hain aap ke janu
This was a wonderful and inspiring story Kavita. Rita reminded me of my mother who singlehandedly nursed my father through a series of very serious illnesses. Being a wife and mother now I can realise now what she went through in her solitary struggle .. I have my best wishes to offer and the hopes that they continue to operate as a complete family unit for a long time and that Sunil remains positive enough so tht he can dandle his grandchild on his knee.
The reason the new man seems to be changing roles with new woman is that now Yin is giving place to Yang and vice versa. Nothing happens except as per the great Scheme of Things.
Harb
beautiful post....guess events offer opportunities to humans...to flower into various enriching domains of consciousness...some of us take it while others look the other way...every situation has the potential to create lovely paths...like a friend of mine who cherishes her blessing of a spastic child as it has taught her the power of unconditional love...or viktor frankl who shows us the power of responses in "Man's search for meaning"...the story of people and learnings in the nazi concentration camps...
in a way i would feel the family is specially blessed for having had an opportunity to discover love...beyond mere transactional spaces...
I guess all of us should look at our old blogs..Mallika kolkata, harb and sundar thanks for the posts here.
Dear Kavita,
The moment I read this story, I knew it would stay with me, and it has ...
To Rita and her children, Sunita and Vineeta and to Sunil, who is free,
your story in not over ...
The glow of your love will last forever.
I extend my love and blessings,
~ Kate
Now, there's a hug for you, Kate, on the main menu!
54. Posted by
Ed
![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.intentblog.com/nav-commenters.gif)
on
May 26, 2008 12:34 AM
dear Ed,
come into this warm embrace, it will warm us all,
my love
:))))
56. Posted by
Ed
on
May 26, 2008 12:40 AM
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Ed commented on MY FAVORITE LOVE STORY IS THIS ONE
:))))
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Kate... commented on MY FAVORITE LOVE STORY IS THIS ONE
dear Ed,
come into this warm embrace, it -
Ed commented on MY FAVORITE LOVE STORY IS THIS ONE
Now, there's a hug for you, Kate, on the main m
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Kate... commented on MY FAVORITE LOVE STORY IS THIS ONE
Dear Kavita,
The moment I read this story -
kavita chhibber commented on MY FAVORITE LOVE STORY IS THIS ONE
I guess all of us should look at our old blogs.
That was a beautiful Story Kavita. My prayers are with Sunil, Rita and their families.
Peace,
Scott.