To All My Online Friends:

As the holidays approach, my heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me "forwards"
over the past 12 months. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.

Extra thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on envelopes 'cause I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to seal an envelope.

Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from nor send packages by UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer eat KFC because their "chickens" are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

I no longer worry about my soul because at last count I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time)

I no longer have any money at all - but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special email program.

Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will now return the favor!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM (CDT) this afternoon.

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next-door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

North

UPSETTING THE STEWARDESS:

On reaching his plane seat, a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee whereupon the parrot squawks, "And get me a coke, you cow!"

The stewardess, flustered, brings back a coke for the parrot and forgets the coffee.

When this omission is pointed out to her, the parrot drains its glass and bawls "And get me another coke, dogface!"

Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another coke but still no coffee.

Unaccustomed to such slackness, the man tries the parrot's approach. "I've asked you twice for a coffee! Go and get it now, you old goat!"

The next moment both he and the parrot have been wrenched up from their seat and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards.

Plunging downwards, the parrot turns to the man and says, "For someone who can't fly, you've got some guts!"

Somebody asked a philosopher-looking youth who was wearing looking glasses:

"What will happen if your one ear is cut off."

"I will stop hearing," replied the philosopher-looking youth.

"What will happen if your other ear is also cut?"

"I will stop seeing," replied he.

"How come?"

"I hang my looking glasses by my ears, when my other ear will also be cut off it will fall," replied the philoopher-looking youth quite innocently.

THE POPE ON TOUR

The Pope has just finished a tour of Napa Valley and is taking a limousine to San Francisco. Having never driven a limo, the Pope asks the chauffeur if he might drive for a while. Well, the chauffeur doesn't have much choice, so he climbs in the back of the limo and the Pope takes the wheel.

The Pope proceeds down Silverado, and starts accelerating to see what the limo can do. He gets to about 90 mph, and suddenly he sees the red and blue lights of a CHP cruiser in his mirror. He pulls over and the trooper comes to his window.

The trooper, seeing who it is, says, "Just a moment please, I need to call in."

The trooper calls in and asks for the Chief. He tells the Chief that he's got a REALLY important person pulled over, and asks how to handle it.

"It's not Ted Kennedy again, is it?" asks the Chief.

"No Sir!" replies the trooper, "This guy's more important."

"Is it the governor?"

"No! Even more important!"

"Is it the PRESIDENT?"

"No! Even more important!"

"Well, WHO THE HECK is it?" screams the Chief.

"I don't know, Sir," replies the trooper, "But he's got the Pope as his chauffeur!

Gotta try this guess-the-google-game!!

http://grant.robinson.name/projects/guess-the-google/

IT gives YOU search's--YOU try to guess WHAT the google-search word, WAS!

North

Dear Kavita, would you be able to contact Shekhar Kapur; and let him know; he'd forgotten to make his new blog-post entitled: In the future... posted today; is posted without a comments link...there is NO link, to respond?

North

Thank you North, Ron and Harb..all funny jokes, the parrot one was priceless!
North I have written to Shekhar. Hopefully that will be fixed soon.
I hope all of you are having a relaxed and happy time.

Dear Kavita, Ron, North and Harb,
Thanks for the smiles!
I have missed the reading and posts these past few days!
It was a glorious Dec. 25th - because the 'gift' I wanted most - came in the form of my wish fullfilled! Not for a material thing, but of Presence. And the day with my daughter was delightful.
Sorry not to post a 'funny' - just here is my smile,
and my heart full of love,
~ Kate

Dear Kate,
great to know that christmas brought you joy.
Anything that brings a smile to your lips is welcome here.
all the best for 2006

I'm not good at remembering jokes but this is an old one that I still remember, so if you have already heard it, forgive me.

AT THE PEARLY GATES

A Catholic father, in his priestly vestments arrives at the gates to heaven. St. Peter looked at his list but did not find the priest's name. At this point a scruffy looking bus driver from India arrived and giving his name was waved on thru.
The Catholic father was outraged! "I have been faithfully preaching to my flock for many years. Why is it that that coarse looking fella is being allowed into heaven and you are turning me a way."
St. Peter answered, "Well it seems that your homilies put your flock to sleep, while when the bus driver drove his route on the mountain roads everyone in the bus was praying to God."

Hi all,

I hope everyone's holiday was a truly beautiful one! I don't have a joke this time, but I do have something that made me smile and nearly came to tears from the joy of it.

Last night after a family get together at my house, I was walking with my Grandmother outside to take her home. The sun was barely still on the horizon and there were those long streamy clouds hanging in front of it. This created the most brilliant colors of oranges, pinks and purples and we stood there making comments about how gorgeous it was. Now you have to understand this first--my Grandmother and I are on opposite sides when it comes to spirituality and we rarely agree on anything. But, as I was getting out my camera to take a picture of the sunset she made a comment to me that I will never forget. She said--"It's skies like that that make you believe there's a God." And in that moment I connected to her like never before--it brought tears to my eyes.

Now later on, my friend and I were out driving around looking at Christmas lights, and we were in one of those neighborhoods where when you buy the house you make an agreement to decorate your house during the holidays. As we passed one specific house it brought back a memory of when I had driven thru that same neighborhood with my Mom quite some years ago. Then as we were coming to the end of the street I noticed a bright light with a tail streaking thru the sky right there in front of me--it was no ordinary falling star--IT WAS CLOSE! It lasted so long I had time to say--What is that? And my friend looked and saw it too!

Anyways, what my Grandmother had said, and me having that memory, and seeing the bright light in the sky is almost an indescribable feeling. I wanted to share that with you all--it's what made my Christmas night. :)

Have an awesome day!

P.S. Kavita--I'm a Gemini too--isn't it nice to have several clones of yourself? If only people could understand that...

HI Kavita, thanks! I see; he's not read his mail yet though; as there is still no link?

I have been brutally going through box's of "things" looking for "things" and I cannot find the "things" I need!! sigggggghH!

But, I DID find some inspirations & fun:

MAGIC EYE - seeing IS believing - isn't it? lol

http://www.magiceye.com/

MAKE YOUR OWN SAND ART

http://www.angelwinks.net/sandart.html

MYSTIC BALL - test it, and be amazed!

http://www.mysticalball.com/

Ok, now off to open more dusty box's, looking for some lost/misplaced/moved too many times - things!

I had a wonderful christmas too; while looking for things this afternoon; while washing new clothes/socks..lol..I found some treasures!!

OLD thoughts, old links, old names of people come and gone throughout one's life...amazing memories leap out from behind tree's in my mind; forested by warmth and remembering...

OK< now where did I put those "things!!"

North

This is my first post. I do not want to pretend that I am something that I am not, so, I am going to lay my cards out right from the get-go.

Let me introduce my self. I am a man who likes to think and read, as well as go to the movies. I am an average joe with basic high school, but more if you count self education..

I loved Rodney Dangerfiled. His self-deprecating humor was unequalled as he endeared millions with the lack of respect he received.

In some ways, I am like Rodney, I have no friends. I am single and a happy loner. I do not like to be crowded by people, I am very self-conscious. I enjoy being in my own company. Oh yes, I can hear you saying, " this guy is weird." In many ways I am.

I will give you two dollars if you can tell me who coined the phrase: two pea in a pod.
Until next time, this is me!

You have come to the right cybernetic salon OK!

The pervading intellect within this realm is formidable, and always have another screen open to search out the unfamiliar stuff, good 'stuff'; because there is alot.

Peace

Hi Tiffany,
am heading out but wanting to quickly thank you for sharing a very special moment in your life with all of us. Some times a life time passes by without people connecting, so this was precious. Wishing you continuous connectivity with all your loved ones. I have read some of your posts and I can see life has not always been easy, but all of us have our moments..here's hoping you will face all the tough times with the Geminian sparkle and resilience.
OK, welcome to the blog and glad that you chose mine to post your first post..am honored. I love Rodney Dangerfield, so that is one thing about you that's cool..and I'm sure we'll discover more.
Two peas in a pod-one of the phrases I use so frequently and was so clueless about its origins. I checked on the internet, but there wasn't any conclusive source about its origins, so please do tell us.
Craig, nice to see you here. Hope you are doing well and writing those wonderful thoughts that I enjoyed reading through not so long ago.
wishing you all the very best.

Tiffany, that was a remarkable christmas Blessing! God/Creator/Universe, gives us gifts every moment; and what a breathtaking event it IS; when we become so aware of a moment; that it takes our breath away; captures our heart; and toss's out positive-creative thoughts from it's effect.

May the Universe continue to bless you and yours in 2006; in these magnificent moments of nature-awareness and the connection it is, to each one of us; in every moment.

North

Dear Tiffany,
We share a connectedness, and among that pull of spirituality that has brought us together, is this - of course, I am a Gemini, too :)

Last Christmas, I received a call, saying my daughter was so critically ill, that her chance to recover was virtually impossible.

I found the one saying it to me, without care or feeling. Yet, that evening - I beheld a sight so lovely, and in that moment, when I was fully present, with The Dance of Life, I knew....I knew my daughter would recover.

Love and Blessings to you,
Keep sharing,
~ Kate

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

"Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.

Dear K; when I was told my son's kidney was going atrophic; I too, had a moment such as yours; which really catapulted us out of the despair and fear of the impact; into a light of trust and believing with faith; and my son too, survived a taste of death.

It was a weird feeling I'd gotten; that he'd be allright. After four days of 104F temps; we'd almost given up believing; but, we continued our prayers of healing; the urologist was in fault; but, we forgave him; and in that, we were healed of fear and doubt.

He was thirteen then; and is seventeen now, and he is doing well on one kidney, even though it only functions at 70%; he is alive, active, he is funny and devoted to family and friends.

We were inadvertantly blessed, with a very frightening health crisis; and we've each had our turn of it..

and you have had your epiphany with your daughter last year; it's strange, how God works, isn't it?

North

Frank Sinatra,,,said two peas in a pod...yes?

North

Nope, it was Cary Grant!!

how many guess's we get? lol

Ooops, I posted 3 times in a row; will I get a fine in the mail?

North

Dear North,
Yes, it's true, my epiphany came - in a supreme moment of Surrender!

Your son is blessed to have you as his Mom! You show him strength, courage, fortitude under duress, humor and creativity, willingness to right the wrongs you see, and he can see and feel the LOVE you are and give to him!

With love to you,
~ Kate

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."

The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied,
"They will in a minute."

Thank you Kavita, feeling much better now.

Now the time to destroy capitalism has come!!!

read this one someplace...

"Excuse me, sir."

"Is that you again, Moses?"

"I'm afraid it is, sir."

"What is it this time, Moses. More computer problems?"

"How did you guess?"

"I don't have to guess, Moses. Remember?"

"Oh, yeah. I forgot."

"Tell me what you want, Moses."

"But you already know. Remember?"

"Moses!"

"Sorry, sir."

"Well, go ahead, Moses. Spit it out!"

"Well, I have a question, Sir. You know those ten things you sent me?"

"You mean the Commandments, Moses?"

"That's it. I was wondering if they were important."

"What do you mean 'were important, Moses? Of course, they are important. Otherwise I wouldn't have sent them to you."

"Well, sorry, but I lost them. I could say the dog ate them, but of course you would see right through that."

"What do you mean 'you lost them! Are you trying to tell me you didn't save them, Moses?"

"No, sir. I forgot."

"You should always save, Moses."

"Yeah, I know. You told me that before. I was going to, but I forgot. I did send them to some people before I lost them though."

"And did you hear back from any of them?"

"You already know I did."

"What about the one guy who said he never uses 'shalt not'. Can he change the words a little bit?"

"Yes, Moses. As long as he doesn't change the meaning."

"And what about the guy who thought your stance was a little harsh and recommended calling them the Ten Suggestions, or letting people pick one or two to try for a while?"

"Moses, I'll act like I didn't hear that."

"I think tha t means, 'no'. Well, what about the guy who said I was scamming him?"

"I think that is spamming, Moses."

"Oh, yeah. I e-mailed him back and told him I don't even eat that stuff, and I have no idea how you can send it to someone through a computer."

"And what he did say?"

"You know what he said. He used Your name in vain. You don't think he might have sent me one of those plagues, and that's the reason I lost those ten things, do you?"

"They're called viruses, Moses."

"Whatever! This computer stuff is just too much for me. Can we just go back to those stone tablets? It was hard on my back taking them out and reading them each day, but I never lost them."

"We'll do it the new way, Moses."

"I was afraid you would say that, sir."

"Moses, what did I tell you to do if you messed up?"

"You told me to hold up this rat and stretch it out toward the computer."

"It's a mouse, Moses. Mouse! Mouse! And did you do that?"

"No, I decided to try the technical support first. After all, who knows more about this stuff than you, and I really like your hours. By the way, sir, did Noah have two of these mice on the ark?"

"No, Moses."

"One other thing. Why didn't you name them frogs instead of mice, because didn't you tell me the thing they sit on is a pad?"

"I didn't name them, Moses. Man did, and you can call yours a frog if you want to."

"Oh, that explains it. Kind of like Adam, huh, sir? I bet some woman told him to call it a mouse. After all, wasn't it a woman who named one of the computers Apple?"

"Say good night, Moses."

"Wait a minute, sir. I am stretching out the mouse, and it seems to be working. Yes, a couple of the ten things have come back."

"Which ones are they, Moses?"

"Let's see. 'Thou shalt not steal from any grave an image and 'Thou shalt not uncover thy neighbor's wife.'

"Turn the computer off, Moses. I'm sending you another set of stone tablets. How does 'Same Day Air' sound?"

this is not a joke..but made me smile, nonetheless when i received it...

According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 50's, 60's, 70's and 80's probably shouldn't have survived.
Our baby cots were covered with brightly coloured lead-based paint, which was promptly chewed and licked.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, or latches on doors or cabinets and it was fine to play with pans.

When we rode our bikes, we wore no helmets, just flip flops and fluorescent clackers' on our wheels.

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags. Riding in the passenger seat was a treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle - tasted the same.

We ate dripping sandwiches, bread and butter pudding and drank fizzy pop with sugar in it, but we were never overweight because we were always outside playing.

We shared one drink with four friends, from one bottle or can and no-one actually died from this.

We would spend hours building go-carts out of scraps and then went top speed down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into stinging nettles a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We could leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back before it got dark. No one was able to reach us all day and no one minded.

We did not have Playstations or X-Boxes, no video games at all. No 99 channels on TV, no videotape movies, no surround sound, no mobile phones, no personal computers, no Internet chat rooms. We had friends - we went outside and found them.

We played elastics and street rounders, and sometimes that ball really hurt.

We fell out of trees, got cut and broke bones and teeth, and there were no lawsuits. They were accidents. We learnt not to do the same thing again. We had fights, punched each other hard and got black and blue - we learned to get over it.

We walked to friend's homes. We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and ate live stuff, and although we were told it would happen, we did not have very many eyes out, nor did the live stuff live inside us forever.

We rode bikes in packs of 7 and wore our coats by only the hood.

Our actions were our own. Consequences were expected. The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law. Imagine that!

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers and problem solvers and inventors, ever. The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned to deal with it all. And you're one of them. Congratulations!

Please pass this on to others who have had the luck to grow up as real kids, before lawyers and government regulated our lives, for our own good.

Sundar,

This story brings back vivid memories of those long past by-gone days.

Oooooh yes, I grew up with four siblings; we had experienced it all at home-quiet? what is that? lol!! and got over it... lol

nice one's Sundar!!

North

as richard dreyfus narrated, they would flash images of people on the screen of: ghandi, lennon, earhartt, picasso, ali...

"Here's to the crazy ones", he said:

The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers.

The round pegs in the square holes.

The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules.

And they have no respect for the status quo.

You can praise them, disagree with them, quote them, disbelieve them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things.

They invent. They imagine. They heal. They explore. They create. They inspire.

They push the human race forward. Maybe they have to be crazy

How else can you stare at an empty canvas and see a work of art?

Or sit in silence and hear a song that's never been written?

Or gaze at a red planet and see a laboratory on wheels

We make tools for these kinds of people.

While some see them as the crazy ones, we see genius.

Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.

My fave!! North

wow north...those energies seem to be in free-flow...north-ward....and that is a sure sign of inner-healing!!!!!!!

Dear Tiffany,
That was simply beautiful,our life consists of precious moments...I read your post thrice it touched my soul with its simplicity and beauty.
Take Care

Hello Sundar! Isn't it wonderful? One tweak of knowledge and perspective, and a flood of knowing-joy is released...

North

yeah north, the swithces of awareness within and their potentialities..just awesome.

thankyou Kate - I think I am the one Blessed with my son! I would not know love without him.

North

It is, Sundar; how do we make it last for longer periods?

North

Of the 34 posts on this thread prior to this, North has checked in 14 times! Wow!

Thanks AJ! Laughing is my fave thing to do!(wink) I see yours, is counting people's posts? lol

North

Sundar: Haven't yet written to you directly, but have very much enjoyed your posts.

Loved "Moses," as I feel the same with the techno-age.

Just last night, I wrote a lengthy piece to my dearest friend now, whom I "met" during the summer on the Intentblog, and one of the portions included an expose' of my engineering disasters in trying to build functioning go-carts and turning our yard tractors into similar vehicles!

I copied your post about 'childhood days' to her.

Great stuff Sundar--and so true about how those adveristies of a less-protected youth may be why we are still here! Dave

Tx Dave...even now, tribals dont get vaccinated!!!!and they seem more resistant to dis-ease in their naturalness.makes one wonder, sometimes..

Woman to husband who is drowned in his newspaper, "You can stop saying...hmmm..ok...i stoppped talking half-an-hour back!"

Thank you every one..Kate your jokes especially were hilarious!
here are a couple of jokes

"Lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a
two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The Lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, I'll throw your sorry asses in jail for contempt."

A Jewish girl brings her fiancé home to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man. He invites the fiancé to his study for schnapps.

"So what are your plans?" the father asks the fiancé.

"I am a Torah scholar," he replies.

"A Torah scholar," the father says. "Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she's accustomed to?"

"I will study," the young man replies, "and God will provide for us."

"And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?" asks the father.

"I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replies, "God will provide for us."

"And children?" asks the father. "How will you support children?"

"Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replies the fiancé.

The conversation proceeds like this, and each time the father questions, the fiancé insists that God will provide.

Later, the mother asks, "How did it go?" The father answers, "He has no job and no plans, but the good news is he thinks I'm God

well north, being aware is a a non stop process...

THE YOUNG BUSINESSMAN

A young businessman had just started his own investment firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it splendidly furnished with fine antiques and the likes.

Sitting there, he saw a man coming into the outer doors to the office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a real big deal working.

He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments, hands gesturing from side to side. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you, sir?"

The man said, "Yeah, I am with the local telephone company and I've come to activate your phone lines." :):):)

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

Have you all been amused by Kavita's 'Laughter is the best Medicine' post? We all must relax, relieve a little stress and laugh a bit. It's good for us!

I am sorry I am not that good at telling jokes! But will try soon!

Thanks Spencer! How come you dont have police officer jokes?The internet is swarming with them. Please look and post the joke you like best. Thanks for participating however by writing a few lines here.
Thanks Ron! OK, you have us all stumped again..
I hope every one will welcome 2006 by laughing, forgiving and moving into what I hope would be a great year for all of us.
Here is something I received just a few minutes ago..and I better post it here as we will be leaving 2005 soon

"You Know You're Living In 2005 When..

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that
they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You go home after a long day at work and you still answer the phone
in a business manner.

7. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "9" to get an
outside line.

8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three
different companies.

10. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.

11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.

12. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if
anyone is home.

13. Every commercial on television has a website at the bottom of the screen

14. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the
first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you
turn around to go and get it.

15. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.

16. You start tilting your head sideways to smile.

17. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

18. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this
message.

19. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

20. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this
list.

:-)

Spencer,
this is for you
1st Officer: "Guess who I pulled over in a traffic stop the other day?"
2nd Officer: "Who?"
1st Officer: "Janet Jackson!"
2nd Officer: "What she do, was she speeding?"
1st Officer: "Nah, she had one headlight out."

OK Kavita, thanks. I took your timely advice and this is what I quickly came up with: Here we go:

DON'T SAY THIS TO A COP:

The top 20 things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over.

20. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

19. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

18. Aren't you the guy from the villiage people?

17. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.

16. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.

15. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

14. Bad cop. No donut.

13. You're not going to check the trunk, are you?

12. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.

11. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on cops?

10. Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?

9. I pay your salary

8. So uh, you on the take or what?

7. Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning.

6. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

5. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other cars around, that's how far they are ahead of me.

4. What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist.

3. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

2. Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.

1. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?

Cheers!

pricless Spencer. thanks!

:-) I will post my joke tomorrow...

Over this past weekend I spent Christmas with my Aunt & Uncle and their family. My uncle is turning 67 tomorrow, and my Aunt is 56, they live in the backwoods of Minnesota and really have no need for computers, or so they say. Yes they have electricity, phones, televison, etc... But computers they just shake their heads! Who needs computers and email?? Not them! My Aunt actually gets on a verbal crusade everytime the internet is mentioned, saying how technology is taking over the world and how wrong it is....

Anyhow, on Christmas Eve day I was talking to her telling her what I've been upto and I mentioned this blog. I told her all about it and told her about the people and how fun it is to comment and read what people say. She flat out asked me if this was a cult! I assured her it was not, but in her motherly tone she warned me to be very carefull, because it very well could be. She told me that sometimes people hide their intentions and you get trapped into a cult! I had all I could to hold back my laughter! Thank God, she was in the kitchen and couldn't see my face! I had to tell you all...noone else would understand how humourous it was. A cult! Hahahaha

Amanda,
we will be sending you the intentblog cyberrobes and cyber mantras soon:)our weekly sessions will be every monday-the jokesmantra will be chanted several times

OK,

OK, I guess you lost your $2 :)

One Mr.Bennett Cerf coined the phrase "Two peas in a pod" in his book "Try and Stop Me".

Kavita : I used internet to find this 'valuable' information :) You can ask me the tips to search:))

Cheers,
Prashant

Thanks Prashant,
I did see that bit about Bennet Serf, but I also saw another article which said it couldnt be said for sure that it was Serf who coined the phrase..but I'll take your take on it! Thank you for taking the trouble to do this and ofcourse all tips(both dollar and internet kind) are welcome!:)

I loved them. Please continue.

These jokes are so funny! Thanks all. Here's some farm humor -

One day Farmer Jones goes to Farmer Baker's and asks Baker if he will sell his good mule Jake. Jones is fed up with animals that won't work plowing his fields, and has noticed Jake patiently pulling the plow. Jones asks Baker if the mule is gentle and will work, Baker affirms.
Jones takes his new mule home and the next day harnesses him up. Jake looks at him, wrings his tail, wiggles his lips, and finally pins his ears back and seems to laugh at him. His four legs are like trees, rooted in the ground.
Jones, in despair, after hours of swatting flies and getting nowhere, hustles over to Baker and accuses him of selling a mule that won't work. Baker assures Jones that Jake is a real worker.
"Come and get him to work then."
Baker goes to Jones' place and walks up to the mule, who appears to be asleep. He talks to him, slaps him on the shoulder, and doesn't get much response. Finally, he picks up a 2 x 4 board, and swats him hard.
Jake looks up, finishes up the chewing he was doing, straightens himself, and leans into the collar with a will.
Jones, in irritation, says, "I thought you said this mule was gentle!"
Baker replies, "Oh, he is, you just need to get his attention!"

Craig,

Are you depressed?

This New Year message from my friend Harry Anand had to make it here!

"A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL OF YOU!

Before you get comfortable and start to take those New Years resolution
seriously, here are some thoughts:

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can
die.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals
dying of "nothing".

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the
world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the
millions and millions of cows in America but we haven't got a clue where Bin
Laden is hiding. Maybe we should send the Department of Agriculture to go
look for him.

Cheers!
Harry"
Hope all of you had a wonderful new year's eve and a great start to 2006!

Hilarious, Kavita!

Many New Years Blessings to you and your loved ones Kavita; for a wonderful, exciting and prosperous New Year in 2006!

North

Strange Things You Likely Didn't Know

1. A rat can last longer without water than a camel.

2. Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks or
it will digest itself.

3. The dot over the letter "i" is called a tittle.

4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and
down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.

5. A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.

6. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.

7. A 2 X 4 is really 1-1/2" by 3-1/2".

8. During the chariot scene in "Ben Hur," a small red car can be seen
in the distance (and Heston's wearing a watch).

9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily!
(That explains a few mysteries....)

10. Sherlock Holmes NEVER said, "Elementary, my dear Watson."

11. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II
were made of wood.

12. The number of possible ways of playing the first four moves per
side in a game of chess is 318,979,564,000.

13. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with orange,
purple and silver.

14. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space
because passing wind in a spacesuit damages them.

15. The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin in World War II
killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.

16. If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will
instantly go mad and sting itself to death. (Who was the sadist who
discovered this??)

17. Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to s-l-o-w film down
so you could see his moves. That's the opposite of the norm.

18. The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen's "Born in
the USA."

19. The original name for butterfly was flutterby.

20. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which
stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.

21. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player
for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was
Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.

22. Roses may be red, but violets are indeed violet.

23. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you cannot
sink into quicksand.

24. Celery has negative calories. It takes more calories to eat a
piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with.

25. Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin
look-alike contest.

26. An old law in Bellingham, Washington, made it illegal for a woman
to take more than three steps backwards while dancing!

27. The Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book
most often stolen from public libraries.

28. Bats always turn left when exiting a cave!

Laughed my guts out at this article I received on e-mail..…
A young second generation Indian in the US was asked by his mother to explain the significance of "Diwali" to his younger brother, this is how he went about it...
"So, like this dude had, like, a big cool kingdom and people liked him. But, like, his step-mom, or something, was kind of a bitch, and she forced her husband to, like, send this cool-dude, he was Ram, to some national forest or something... Since he was going, for like, something like more than 10 years or so.. he decided to get his wife and his bro along... you know... so that they could all chill out together. But dude, the forest was reeeeal scary shit... really man... they had monkeys and devils and shit like that.
But this dude, Ram, kicked ass with darts and bows and arrows... so it was fine.
But then some bad gangsta boys, some jerk called Ravan, picks up his babe (Sita) and lures her away to his hood. And boy, was our man, and also his bro, Laxman, pissed... And you don't piss this son-of-a-gun cuz, he just kicks ass and like... all the gods were with him... So anyways, you don't mess with gods. So, Ram, and his bro get an army of monkeys... Dude, don't ask me how they trained the damn monkeys... just go along with me, ok... So, Ram, Lax and their monkeys whip this gangsta's ass in his own hood. Anyways, by this time, their time's up in the forest... and anyways... it gets kinda boring, you know... no TV or malls or shit like that. So,they decided to hitch a ride back home... and when the people realize that our dude, his bro and the wife are back home... they thought, well, you know, at least they deserve something nice... and they didn't have any bars or clubs in those days... so they couldn't take them out for a drink, so they, like, decided to smoke and shit... and since they also had some lamps, they lit the lamps also... so it was pretty cooool... you know with all those fireworks... Really, they even had some local band play along with the fireworks... and you know, what, dude, that was the very first, no kidding..., that was the very first music-synchronized fireworks... you know, like the 4th of July stuff, but just, more cooler and stuff, you know.
And, so dude, that was how, like, this festival started."

Thanks North and Sundar, am looking through some of your interesting posts now on other blogs too, before I head out in another hour or so for another of our continuation of welcoming 2006 parties..sanity returns tomorrow

This is a True Story

Amit, a friend in LA, was at an Indian travel agent. There was a Bengali dude by the name D.K. Bose chatting with the agent, and the conversation went like this:

"Yaar, this time please make sure you put my name as D.K. Bose on the ticket, last time you put Bose D.K. and during announcement it was really embarrassing!!"

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I can't believe it, my co-worker just bought a car for $68238. Isn't that crazy!