Connections:Are we losing them?
Kavita Chhibber - February 12, 2006
My mom visited me last year and each time she comes here she shakes her head at the
silence around her.
Where are all the people? This was the first thing she said when she first visited the US a few years ago, and this is her pet refrain even to this day.
In the middle of my crazy deadlines my brother calls..I am too tired so I dash him an email..I’ll call you later..mad he calls back and says-pick up the phone right now. I’m missing you and will not tolerate this cyber talk. Ah he is 7 years older, I have to give the devil his due
I pick up, get yelled at first and then we talk-it feels good to laugh at his wisecracks, my sister in law's stories..this is the second brother who is growling at me today..I will call the other one tonight.
Growing up in India I remember the hustle and bustle of daily existence, the love, the laughter. All you saw around you were people, all you heard was the din of different accents, languages and voices. Mom, was always elegantly dressed early in the morning, not because she likes dressing up but because people would drop in unannounced-the phone didn’t work 90 percent of the time. Indeed, the funniest thing in the late 90s was to see a conversation between my dad’s brother and my dad both military generals. A platoon of soldiers would arrive holding some kind of tools, fix the phone for as long as uncle wanted some advice from dad(in between mom would hurriedly squeeze in a call to her friend- eh Vimi I will see you at that cinema at 3 p.m. for the late afternoon show). The phone would promptly conk out as soon as dad hung up.
Leave alone connections, there were cross connections that I had a whale of a time piping into as a teenager. I remember a few occasions-once when my phone line got crossed with a recent release from the hospital trying to ask the nurse out..(until the other person hung up you couldn’t dial your number) after waiting impatiently for 5 long minutes I piped in begging even more intensely than the Romeo, asking the nurse to go out with him..taken aback she snapped..you go with him if you like him so much” and slammed the phone-mission accomplished!
I would come home in the sweltering summer to see my grandmother with a glass of ice cold homemade lemonade while she blessed me profusely with endearments. I would play with kids from the large neighborhood till late, eat at one neighbor’s house, and sleep at another’s on a weekend. At night all the kids would sprawl around our grandmother; while we took turns on massaging her legs she would weave magical tales that left us wide eyed and thirsting for more.
The most interesting conversations took place walking through the town with my grandmother. She seemed to know every body. The diversity of sharing life’s trials and triumphs was a daily ritual. I had a hard time keeping up. Every one called my grandmother Mataji(revered mother)..she was a strong, energetic woman who died at 62 but lived her life to the fullest in spite of becoming a widow at 40. She sorted out every one’s mess, lent money to whoever needed it, was a very orthodox Hindu Brahmin and spent a lot of time pretending to scold me because I was always at the house of her Muslim neighbors. On Eid amazing delicacies would be stealthily delivered through a window in mom’s room where all the aunts and uncle would eat them behind grandma’s back. She would invariably find out and we had to all go through the ritual of a bath and chant of mantras to purify our impure bodies, minds and well fed stomachs. None of us took her seriously, not even our affluent Muslim neighbors who would get yelled at year after year for corrupting us. They knew it was all an act. Every one of the Muslim children were married in my grandmother’s house and she lavished jewelry and money on them.
Our major family scandal happened when I was 9 and my grandmother’s only niece and all the children’s favorite aunt fell in love and married a man outside the community. My grandmother yelled- “over my dead body”…a few months later, she met my uncle the bridegroom and was so charmed that she did an about face. I still see it so vividly in my mind…the big kadais,(huge woks) and my grandmother frying the big puris(pancakes) for the baraat(the delegation of the groom’s people). Life was so simple then. People came home from work and bonded. Every one took time to talk to each other, relationships were long and enduring. There were a handful of TV channels and India hadn’t stepped into the computer age. Children were an intrinsic part of their parent’s life. I remember all my cousins being tutored by their parents, and uncles and aunts; we’d be giggling and laughing and being cuddled and scolded and cajoled to study.
We had limited pocket money so my brothers and I would each buy a different book by Enid Blyton and then swap. That swap somehow bound us all together in a thread of smug mutual comradeship-we thought we had outsmarted the bookseller. Summer vacations were family reunion time, when all the cousins and my grand ma’s six kids, their spouses would be at her house. The kids would put up plays and music shows and had a huge audience of not just parents but the entire neighborhood. We were every one’s children, and everyone’s pride and joy. In the evening we would put mattresses in this huge hall and all the ladies and kids would sleep there talking late into the night.
So here is mom in America, my mom who has remained firmly ensconced over the years in the bosom of her multitude of friends, a doting hubby and hundreds of kids who love her because she runs a school with two of her friends and makes it a point to teach the elementary school kids because she loves little kids.
She looks at me one day after a few weeks, as I walk into my place and says, “I know why there are no people around. I look at her. She continues-“except for that man across from us..he comes out once or twice a day to let his dog poop and pee..if he could do it inside, even he won’t come out”
Now she is in full steam, as she adds ‘did you notice something about yourself? As soon as you walk in you go straight to the computer to check your email. You wake up in the morning and you stumble to your computer to check your email. You decide to take a “break’ and you go to your computer and stare at it as you have tea. You are so computer crazy that you have three computers in two bedrooms-to stare at from every angle and nook and cranny I guess-and you are not even a computer engineer.” I hang my head.. and she continues in full swing
“You panic when your internet goes down for 10 minutes. And this is what one half of America is doing.” And what is the other half doing? I mumble trying to distract her” “They are all that..that potato..sofa potatoes” couch I correct her ..”Whatever..watching Sony and Zee and Sahara and CNN they become potatoes and eat potato chips and other junk and then they get fat and can’t move from their sofas- then they watch more TV and become more fat…no wonder I don’t see people outside..”
“This is a very lonely society Kavita,” she says softly before she heads back to India.
I sit here remembering her words..it’s a beautiful crisp Sunday afternoon..I think I might just go over to my best friend’s house for a real connection, take a deep breath and embrace life.. just for now
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Posted by Kavita Chhibber at February 12, 2006 01:37 PM
Comments
Human beings are no longer natural. In fact we're monsters who kill everything that's good and innocent in the world. America is the devil and America is teaching the rest of the world to be like them. If you thought about the energy it takes to power your computer and your lights and your air conditioner and your car and your ego you'd realize that you are soaked in so many positive Ions daily that it's a wonder you don't already have cancer, and where does all this energy come from? Flick a switch and poof, lights, it's not magic it's killing the environment. Did God grow telephone poles with wires feeding unnatural electromagnetic energy to your house so you can use your computer? How do we generate this unnatural electromagnetic energy, usually by manipulating and changing nature therefore destroying the delicate balance that keeps nature healthy. How much longer can the earth sustain us monsters? Long enough for someone to teach the whole world through their computer that we're unnatural monsters?
“This is a very lonely society Kavita,” she says softly before she heads back to India.
Funny to read you have the same..;)
You people Intent is the closest I got, outside my homecountry,
With Love, Passion
beautifully expressed , kavita....grass being greener on the other side? i guess everything is important...sometimes people here crave for personal spaces...what you mention about net-centric existence is getting to be a reality here too...
World Human Spirit Day. 17th February 2006.
Warm Greetings, if you have not already done so, can you please pass on the enclosed information to your mailing list and readers.
Opportunities to make a difference in a closed, opinionated society requires the action of a free soul and it is only the ego that blocks a free soul.
Your support is vital if this day is to be a success for Humanity.
In Love & Joy
Michael Levy. Professional Optimist
http://www.pointoflife.com/
"Divine bliss is the common property of humankind." _Michael Levy
************************
World Human Spirit Day 17th February 2006
Be part of the spiritual love embodied within the human race. Let your silent mind feel the joy that infuses humanity to live an authentic life of delight on earth
On 17th February, people all over the world will come together in mind and spirit to celebrate their genuine connection with each other with two minutes silence at 3.00pm, USA, Eastern Time.
There is a spark of freedom that lives deep within all humanity... It is called a free spirit and on World Human Spirit Day, it will be communicating to humanity, in a silent, crystal clear voice; I'm A Free Spirit engaged in love & joy
It is now time for the human spirit to live the creative, peaceful, loving life it is meant to live, and for the personal human ego to serve that purpose...Together, in harmony with spirit, we can all make a difference.
For More Details Contact:
Michael Levy
http://www.pointoflife.com/
PO Box 7, 3032 East Commercial Blvd.
Fort Lauderdale
FL 33308
email: mikmikl@aol.com
Hi Kavita,
Thanks so much for sharing this beautiful story about you and your family.
It's also an interesting commentary about modern life...sorry but it was also funny. Your mom sounds like a wonderful, caring mother. You're lucky.
Love,
Donatella
Thanks everyone. My mom is very funny actually. And ofourse it wasnt as if she didnt see any one..She knows all my friends for years and was being dined every week going to all the bollywood shows/plays/ ballets that I was covering, but she just likes the hustle and bustle of India. My parents avoided settling down in a huge metropolitan city like Delhi and enjoy the perks of being in mom's hometown, which is not that huge though it is changing too..all her old friends who come from mostly business families havent moved. She just doesnt like me being such a workaholic. Of course I was laughing at her comments because she is so right..In India people hang from the balconies to talk down to the street vendors, and are in each others business all the time..there is a space crunch but in times of need everyone will give the shorts of their back if needs be.
She absolutely loves the cleanliness in America. Here she actually found the time to write a lot of short stories, which I plan to publish. Mom's a terrific writer but too lazy to sit down and write.
Atlanta is still pretty laid back, people are very friendly and she makes friends pretty quickly, plus I was working out of home most of the time, so she wasnt alone.
However she saw the flip side of america also-and the television/microwave frozen food/glued to the computer scenarios and kids all over the place having the best gadgets and still saying I'm bored..
Maybe one of these days I'm going to take a pretty irreverent look at mom-just to get even!
Hi Kavita, my mother had the same complaint when ever she visited. When we went to work she used to get bored . So she started watching, "Price is Right". I think she had a crush on Bob Barker!LOL. Kavita, my mother used to be an outstanding beauty. She lived in a very dangerous town that was famous for murders and all kinds of crimes.Child kidnapping was very common in that town in the late thirties. So my grandfather did not let her go to school after 6th grade. She never studied English. She has visited me about ten times, and stayed with us atleast 6 months every time. She speaks English! How I love my mother! I am so proud of her.
Kavita I love to write about my mother. God bless you Kavita.
Dear Kavita...I was so captured by the sentiment; the way you and your family unitedly employed fun and music and stories and laughter into your lives, makes one spontaneously wish to be a child again..
Very wonderful and warming family share, Kavita! I wanted to read much, much more; i was so caught up in the joy unfolding... I hope we could look forward to more shares, such as this treasure?
North
dear kavita,
thats my mom talking, not just urs.
*smile*
kavita, lovely encapsulation of indian world...and of american in comparison. one needs both for balanced living...
harb
Actually,
I just had some old 'connections' move into the building . . .
and speaking of bad connections, this fifty dollars a month for DSL is just killing a brother . . .
peace
I'm not a typical American I guess but I too think most of us spend too much time indoors...I like to work outdoors in the garden, on on old car engine, whatever the latest project is...my latest project is to build a house, really a shanty I guess (14x32)...it has been colder the last couple of days and anything under 45 degrees (F) is difficult for me at my age because after 2-3 hours my fingers get too numb to be effective...so I felt compelled to stay inside more than usual and was feeling kinda stir-crazy, was it great to get back out to it today! What are things some of you like to do outside, as in, what do you actually go outside everyday and do? Did you feel lonely doing it today, even if no one else was around?
Very Interesting & funny! ; - )
Internet is really becoming an addiction in India too.
Cheers, Rohit
Thank you all..I think each country has its pros and cons..I know that I just love being in India when I visit, but after sometime I want to come back to my own space..
I think real connections are important though..and well the cyber space has become one of those avenues sometimes to find those connections..look at the number of internet matches..now that's another story..maybe I'll do a piece on it soon!
sounds interesting Kavita..I have a life-long friend, whom met her current husband online; and they are very suited to each other...it's amazing...and a wonderful love story..so it is happening for sure!
she's always encouraging me to go for it too; but, I need/want to look into a mans eyes.. like crystal balls; a mans eyes can reveal much!
North
It's dangerous for you to beleive that a mans eyes can reveal much because manipulators use their eyes to manipulate. Watch Donald Rumsfeld, he's a master at it.
Hi Kavita,
A very thought-provoking post, your mom is not alone in her yearning for the lack of people(she has company, :) me),truly, instead of people we will come across human machines running to meet one deadline to another.
How things have changed?
Where is that laidback style/attitude of life, though it need not be a regular feature of one's life, but it(laidback style) should be there......Don't u think so...
Isn't it interesting how the faster we go the faster the universe expands......
beautiful story Kavita! It's funny that no matter how far away home is everything is still the same.
ONCE WE CONNECT WITH THE SPIRIT, EVERYTHING IS GAME
I DIED ONCE AND I WAS REVIVED BY THE SPIRITS EVER SINCE THEN EVERYTHING'S BEEN A GAME.
Thanks every body-finally I am done with all my deadlines and taking the rest of the week off to bond with friends and rejuvenate.
thank you for your comments. One of my american friends says the internet is a great companion for many people like him who are constantly travelling and networking and then don't want to see another face or hear anothe voice at the end of the day. Its a way to unwind..maybe there is something to that too..I think as some of you pinpointed its the balance that is important..a bit of both
Have a great rest and some fun, Kavita!! You sure earned the right to do so! : )
I like the net/blogging, b/c i am physically limited in physical activity; meaning no sports and the like..so blogging gives me a community-source..to communicate in..
this is the only place I blog, and one other, and then on my spirits site...that's it for me,,add on emailing with fam and friends; and I am spending more time online doing so; than intended. lol
But, to me, it's no different than going to a neighbours and sharing a coffee in the morning?
Have a great week Kavita; and look forward to reading your magazine tomorrow!
North
The internet is like anything else in life: there are two sides to it. It connects, it seperates...people are like that too. Sometimes being with a lot of people can create closeness, but just as often it creates loneliness.
Peace,
Scott.
PS - Great piece Kavita. Your Mom seems like a real character.
Thanks North, Scott..
North you should try the internet match thing..it has worked very well with some of my close friends.
Scott, yeah mom is quite a character.. I told her today I plan to do an irreverant piece on her..she is quite intrigued..the funniest thing about her family is they are terribly comical without knowing they are..
Nah, it's not for me, Kavita..besides, I'm not exactly first prize material anymore; this old body/life all fallen apart, so who'd want me?
I am nothing but an worn out old boot.. really.
My prettiness gone, from crying myself to sleep at night, under stress's and worries, and pain..every day/night is pain..pain pain pain..and I can't taken anything for it..so yeah, I cry a lot..not bubbling..just silent crying; where tears fall, reminding me, my body is dying inside, and I hurt..
I wouldn't curse a man with my life(smiles.) I have nothing to offer..I"m just getting sicker and weaker, can't work, am bankrupt;
one day, which will be too soon; I will disappear into the next realm.
I wouldn't wish my life on any man.
Sorry, big self-pity-pot ride huh? lol Damn, and I thought I'd burned it last month!
North
If you've given up on this life you've given up on the next realm, no magic fairy is going to suddenly make it better. There's many men out there who feel the same way, you should try to meet one because they'd fall in love with a sweetheart like you!
Aww, sweet of you to say; but, I never said I gave up on this life...not sure where you got that?
I am just stating "facts as is."
not looking for magic, or fairies, nor love..not looking for anything really..
just playing a waiting game...some get to play, and some don't.
North
Get busy living or get busy dying. fact is you're a sweetheart and waiting just leads to more waiting.
Well, I should have been dead two years ago according to "the specialists"...so I guess I"m a stubborn ol cuss, or I"m being cheated of death, just like everything else in my life right from birth; maybe I haven't "suffered enough" to please God yet? Maybe he still sees kicking and screaming in me...the willingness/desire to live...
don't really matter none much.. not really.
There is NO cure for my disease,,,cancer patients have a better chance to survive..chemo/radiation,,can't help me..
I'm doomed..so why does it bother folks so much I can say so, without falling apart at the seams?
First, when one is diagnosed with an incurrable disease...OR cancer: they are told "acceptance is peace."
So, it took me a few years to accept...then, I miraculously passed deaths door(damn, longer suffering is all that is)..
then..I suffer more and more, and longer is all,,big deal..survive/alive for what? ...to live in more/longer pain? what can I say, it sucks?
and I'm not a sweetheart... not really..I"m moody and every thing a Leo sign is.
North
I'm sorry I never knew and I'm not going to pretend I could understand what your dealing with just know that people love you even if we can't hug you from here. I can accept that you can accept it and I won't preach no more!
xoxoxox
Most of my neighbors think the apocolypse is coming. Hopefully they are not wearing that - call me a nelly old geezer if you want but I think one should dress up a little for the end of the world, like it would be a special occasion. Actually, some of us who are already damned are thinking there should be a party as well. Not much point now trying to con God Almighty that we are something other than what we are: let the wine flow and the dance begin. Of course if the neighbors are wrong and there is something else that remains to be done, one should probably attend to those matters first.
Kavita,
LOL I can relate to what your mother says. The first time I went abroad, it was the same thing that first struck me. We got to Zurich Central station and I couldn't believe my eyes. No jostling, no people rushing helter skelter, no noise that we are accustomed to here, I was fascinated. But then I had my first indication of what was in store. Just how many sandwhiches, how much yoghurt or milk can one take in on a routine basis and not yearn for a meal of piping hot daal and chappatis? The answer is 3 days max!I loved the places we saw, but it was spoilt a bit by the growling in my stomach. When after three weeks of travelling around we got to our Indian friend's place in London, around 10 am, the first thing I asked her was the lunch menu and when she said it was Goa curry rice, I checked out her kitchen, found it was done and served myself. Have never enjoyed a meal more in my life. Funny how the very things we take so much for granted in our own countries make you home sick.
I remember years ago, living almost 3 thousand miles from "home."
We would fly open every 2-3 years for a visit.
Coming home was a treat...Mom always baked up my favorite dinners and desserts the whole time I was home..things I could never master cooking myself..like homemade bread,,apple strudel..chocolate pound cake, butter tarts..and shoo-fly-pie(sugar pie).
I remember, sleeping in my old bed, with my old blanket on the bed, seeing my old dresser, with new things in the drawers,,and on top in display.
I remember... every visit a blessing,,,a treat and Mom calling up old friends to surprise visit while I was there..
Many wonderful memories of home; and one thing I miss the most; is the hustle and bustle of lots of people in the home! Mind you, growing up in a house with Mom and 5 of us kids, was noisy and had no peaceful quiet, except during sleeping hours lol ..but, we had fun, did so many things together as a family; I really miss that sometimes.
Now, we sibs all live far, far apart,,and if we can all get together once a year, it's a small miracle of sorts(smiles.)
Great home story Kavita...thanks for sharing, and taking us along with you, down memory lane.
North
Kavita,
the funniest people are always that ones that are completely unaware of how funny they are!Aint life grand?
namaste,
Scott.
Thank you Dara North and Scott..you are right Scott..watch the space..I will be spilling the beans on mom soon!
North, I tend to agree with...our unnamed friend about love and life..just have a feeling some very special blessings will be coming your way soon.
Sudha will be writing to you..she received your package today and was very touched that a complete stranger would have the generosity to send her such a beautiful gift. Your scarf matches her favorite overcoat. Thank you for your thoughtfulness to me and to her.
Dear Kavita,
It has been a busy few days for me, but I did want to take a moment, or a few :), and thank you for this post on your mom and grandmother.
I feel so blessed to have a wonderful grandmother, and I think I have written twice about her here at intent. She always called me, with such love, Kate - and believed that I could spread my wings, and try many things, and Love would guide me. And if I should hurt, or need someone to talk to, there she was, to hug me, and share a smile, a cookie, a walk, a wave, to send me back into Life.
I feel so blessed, to have 'busyness' and alone time. Me time. Walking and pondering, and then just taking in all in, this gift of Life, its joys, hurts, adventure.
Love and Blessings continue for Sudha.
And for you!
~ Kate
Hi Kavita, so very glad Sudha liked my gifts, and that the scarf matched her favorite coat; isn't that amazing..i'm so pleased. She is facing a rigorous regime of therapy; and I will be with her every step through prayers and good thoughts/intentions..she has won my heart, with her courage too(smiles.)
Hmm special blessings, huh? wooHooOo(grin) lol
My son got a job-offer tonight!! but, he lost it in the first minute on the phone, with the guy when they found he is only 17, they need someone at least 18... boy, is he disappointed...so hard for kids to get a job in this little town.
All my best, to you Kavita, Ajit, his Mom-Sudha and her family.
North
I am sitting here, relaxing, doing my 5th load of desperately needed-to-do laundry and weekend chores!
I was just surfing the blog to see wa's up; and see if I can offer a perspective or something to chew or grow on?
And, well it happened. I saw the title of this particular blog while scanning the Directory on the side.
And, a thought hit me like a ton of bricks. A wondeful, mysterious, but terrifying too one!
MY first day of high school, is where I felt and became aware of disconnection from people I'd known all through grade-school.
I anticipated the newness, of the way too big for me, shy school-girl, introverted until "sprung" from the depths; when I'd recognise a soul in someone I liked; and we would be-friend.
Anyway, the first weeks in school were brutal!! I tried an Avon bubble bath, which turned my whole body red, as I immersed into the bath head to toe!
I was laughed at, and giggled at, and that was it, I was disconnected.
It took me a few weeks to connect with a new friend, named Valerie. She lived miles from town, near our local beach. WE became best friends while at school. We played handball after school, and I then got into archery, which I kept up through school two years.
Then, Val and I befriended other girls and some boys eventually fell into the circle.
I felt disconnected, no more.
Question:
Does the human entity, known as spirit/soul; automatically select via experience, and/or seeing/feeling anothers aura/vibration?
IS this how we recognise each other...again?
I also realized after high school, another connection from Val and the group; had disconnected. Some went off to college; some, like me worked and got my own place; but soon went in quest for all possibility of my dreams and desires to manifest in the big city!!
I felt the same way I did, on my first day of high school, when I got to that big city. I spongely absorbed the picturesque of the old, old city; and I was often found reading or writing poetry, near a harbour here, or over there.
Even, on stormy days; sometimes, especially on stormy days; those crashing waves have a way, of making clear, one's uncontrollable thoughts; by taking one's mind off the inner storm, watching the outside storm; and voila' sometimes; a pretty poem, or a short story would be borned.
North
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North commented on Connections:Are we losing them?
I am sitting here, relaxing, doing my 5th load
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North commented on Connections:Are we losing them?
Hi Kavita, so very glad Sudha liked my gifts, a
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K commented on Connections:Are we losing them?
Dear Kavita,
It has been a busy -
kavita chhibber commented on Connections:Are we losing them?
Thank you Dara North and Scott..you are right S
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Scott Masterton commented on Connections:Are we losing them?
Kavita,
the funniest people are always
Hello Kavita and Everyone,
"This is a very lonely society Kavita," I really felt that lonliness from reading your post. America must seem desolate to your mother compared to India.
While I was running errands one day an Indian woman approached me as I was about to get in my car and asked me to give her a ride back to her place of work, a nursing home in the neighborhood. I was a little taken by surprise, but I said, "sure, hop in." She explained, she was on her lunch hour and had to go to the bank and didn't realize how far a walk it was, making her late getting back to work. As we talked, I told her how refreshing it was that she just came and asked for a ride, I said, most Americans would never do that, wouldn't even think to do that, kind of sad, isn't it? ruth