True Memoirs of my Mother:As endorsed by Oprah Winfrey
Kavita Chhibber - February 17, 2006
There are mothers and then there is mine..
My mother was born in a very loving family, the youngest of six children. I can’t tell you the year- the vain creature will ground me-(yeah she thinks she can do that even now!). In fact she has a very funny reason for the way she tells her age, when asked. Once as a kid I overheard her say-I’m 25. She clamped her hand on my mouth as a precautionary measure, lest the truth be blurted out by her always precocious offspring. You see I had started talking very clearly since the age of 2, and spilled a few beans before, much to her chagrin!. After her friends left I said “ but Mommy you are 29.” She looked at me despairingly-Oh great! I have to be reminded of the fact that my child can do math, at 5. Why do I have to have a smart aleck kid with a motor mouth? My grandmother walked in and wagging her finger at her said-are you being mean to my grandchild? Mom said uh no no-then pulling me close said..Kavita-every one lies about their age..so if I tell them I’m 25, they will talk among themselves and say-hah she says she is 25, but I bet she lowered her age by a couple of years so actually she is 27..and I still stay ahead by 2 years! So that is how I learnt to add and subtract -thanks to her million little lies!
When she met my father for the first time, she was 19. He was sent to her house on the pretext of delivering a letter from his boss to her dad. No body was home except my mom. She being the youngest of six with three older brothers was so spoilt that she had never ventured into the kitchen. Dad says the cook was out running errands and there were no cell phones then- Alladin’s magic lamp too was not at her disposal, so mom bravely ventured into the kitchen. Dad adds“ She made me the classic omelet, burnt on one side and raw on the other, and tea that tasted like something you would not want to be a patented brand name, but at least she tried.”
The second time he was told officially that this was indeed a matrimonial alliance. He went to meet her but this time she was missing. He was told by her older sister that mom was a movie nut and there was a special show going on- 2 movies for the price of one. Even an army soldier like my dad paled when he heard the names of the movies “ Genghis Khan and The woman with the whip.” Which genteel woman would go for movies with those names? His first question to my mom when they met again was “Do you beat your nephews and nieces up?” He told her later he was a bit concerned if her celluloid tastes would affect her child rearing style..the thoughts of impending whip lashes on the wee rear ends of his future progeny and a Genghis Khanian demeanor when she addressed him were enough to make this future military general balk a bit.
She said she NEVER spanked kids.. now he apologizes to my sister and me and says he missed the fact that she didn’t look at him in the eye when she said that!
So they got married. As mom was departing everyone was crying..their little girl, the baby of the family was leaving. My mom was being hugged by her oldest brother- sobbing tragically she looked at her brother and whispered brokenly –not that she will miss them or when will she see them again, but..… “I just wanted to ask you if you told my in laws I don’t drink tea and can’t do without my 4 glasses of fresh milk every day.”
Mom and dad lived happily ever after..until I was born. The first child according to a friend is the pilot project. Except that very soon mom’s project of raising me turned into a hair raising experience, and she wasn’t sure who was piloting whom as she stumbled after me while I, a supposedly cute cherub, would ensnare every unsuspecting adult with a sweet come hither smile and then bite them very hard, and did the opposite of whatever she wanted. I never slept, and talked too soon, and as I grew up questioning everything she began to evolve from a honey voiced vocalist to someone I could only describe as a shrieking banshee.. and yeah she did evolve her style for spanking too. She would yell at us kids every week, and say, “I’m giving you one month’s grace..if you don’t behave then at the end of the month, I’ll spank you so hard, you will remember it for the rest of your life.”
Alas her attempts at conjuring up images of some kind of secret training in Mohammed Ali’s boot camp, that would enhance her spanking strength were in vain. The end of the month would come, my sister and I would continue to test her patience..finally she’d announce..okay this IS the end of the month (at times it would be the middle of next month) then give us two weak wallops and order us to go to the ‘dark room’ and stand in two separate corners for THIRTY MINUTES, while she would sit in another room and bawl her eyes out for spanking us. The dark room was actually a pretty sunny room –it was devoid of furnishing and only housed the refrigerator. While mom was thinking we were being punished we were having a ball gobbling stuff from the frig and throwing banana peels at each other across the room. She caught on much later, but before she could devise any other punishment my grandmother decided to come stay with us for a year and all mom’s disciplining rights were callously and condescendingly taken away by grandma Hitler.” You say a word to my grandkids and you’ll be in big trouble..” It sure is good to have a grandma who could give an impromptu performance of “Mother of the woman with a whip and Mother of Genghis khan”, as and when needed!
All of us in the family are great devotees of Hanuman, the monkey God. Mom says he listens.. Whether he does or not, we are all tied to the monkey god and He to us. He is reputed to have super powers, he can yank a mountain and carry it in the palm of his hand, and single handedly burn an entire kingdom of a demon king by the swish of his fiery tail so obviously mom takes full advantage of the God’s powers.. and strangely he answers..she claims she passed all her exams with flying colors because she would do a special prayer attributed to pleasing him called the hanuman chalisa.. then close her eyes and place her finger on questions and only memorize answers to those questions that her fingers touched: strangely those same questions showed up in the exam.
Once she was broke and said sulkily- can’t you even provide for your children God-I need a hundred bucks and she steps on..you guessed it..a hundred buck bill. I spent the next week walking all over town, head bowed devoutly, eyes piercing the ground but couldn’t find even a penny.. Now why she didn’t ever use that connection to win the lottery I wonder.. obviously she is either a very content person, happy with little..or she doesn’t know how to do business with God! She retorts that I should be the last one talking, because I employ the Lord mostly to find my keys and sandals. When we want something badly, and need the Lord to help us cut through the queue, she says the best thing to do is to put tons of burning incense around God.. “he answers prayers faster then” she says smugly..of course he does..either that or he is doomed to suffer from chronic respiratory problems what with that huge fog of asthma inducing smoke swirling around, threatening to choke him.
Now mothers are role models especially when it comes to showing kids how to be honorable and valorous. Mom was excellent in imbibing those values in us theoretically..at each annual physical however, all her theories of valor would desert her and I, her six year old would be the first to bare my arm for our shots while mom would be cringing behind my baby sister, saying “ow!” and showing all the signs of keeling over, even before the needle pierced my skin! I would be saying-see mommy it didn’t hurt, while she’d be shoving my four year old sibling forward to be the next in line. She was always the last one to get her shots
So mom comes to America for the first time..she and her friend guzzle all the coco cola they can guzzle, eat all the food they’re served aboard, even when they are stuffed, and justify it with...we have to get our money’s worth..the tickets are so expensive.. Initially she is dazzled by the affluence of America and the food..she excitedly calls my aunt and squeals… “they have running hot water 24 hours and electricity too! And my god the chicken legs are the size of your little daughter’s thighs.” She multiplies the cost of everything with Indian currency and complains- “its sooo expensive this America.”-for a prayer garland she threads in 200 leaves and three flowers..the cost of each flower being equal to half a chicken, the leaves are free….the deity the garland was put on looked rather green in the gills.
This time it had been a few years since she had visited me-September 11 had happened and things were not the same. When she decided to come here she went on a crazy shopping spree getting tons of things for me, announcing to the whole world she was going to the US and then started getting ready to go to New Delhi to apply for her visa at the US consulate.. Dad said to me- things are different now-she should have first gotten her visa then shopped then told people. I think only the Prime Minister of India doesn’t know she is going to the US..everone else does. As luck would have it her visa was refused..My dad said..oops we forgot to inform President Bush while you were on the “tell all-to all” spree..anyway strings were pulled and she arrived here a month later than scheduled.
And so when she was not being dined by my friends or taken to events I cover on the weekends, she yearned for people as I worked long hours.. One evening she peers out, and sees the man with the dog.. “lord bless me!- a human..and a bonus..a dog! How cute!” This must be a desperate woman-she hates dogs..another day she looks across the trees from her bedroom window and says that is cute monkey up the tree..I said we don’t have stray monkeys in America.. that’s a squirrel. She says- Good God everything is super sized here, squirrels look like monkeys, cats look like dogs, a green bell pepper is the size of an eggplant..the vegetables and the fruit have no flavor.. and yeah where are the people? We go to see an Indian dance ballet and we see these girls dressed like deer..mom points to a particularly plump one spilling out of her deer costume and says with utmost seriousness...THAT one is an American deer..supersized..I am choking with laughter and she gives me a weird look-what’s so funny?
There is so much more but I’ll leave that for the sequel..
P.S. I’m headed to Larry King to confess that the above memoirs are true as I see them. And Oprah is stuck with Frey whether she likes it or not..look at her name..Oprah Win-frey!
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Posted by Kavita Chhibber at February 17, 2006 07:01 AM
Comments
you are so so wonderful kavita..you are so perfect kavita...your stories are amazing.....did I mention that you are so great...dare I say you are divinity itself I seem to love everything about you.....
am I insane or just going North
ha ha whoever is using North's alias or being further North, let me say you are even farther from the truth! If you were to ask my mom about me, she will tell you tales that ..er better be not told..let's just say I'm still a work in progress..at times I dont make much progress, but I will keep on trying!(wink!)
Now it's time to go confess on Larry King!
Dear Kavita, I am laughing "with" you..(giggles)
North(the real north) lol
It is definitely nice to read stories of our mothers and their "disciplining". My mom has green eyes and when she glared down at my sister and me, it was sufficient to scare us, albeit for a few minutes only! :) It is so hard, living so far away from her and the rest of my family. Reading such homespun memories, rushes in more memories of my family, thus making my day more cheerful.
Hello, ARM,,thanks for sharing too; kinda takes the pressure of the north here(wink.)
I'm convinced, we Mom's are given a conceptual manual; the instant our child is conceived! ONe chapter must be on love, another, patience, yet another chapter on guidance, nursing and cooking, cleaning; the importance of cleanliness of self and environment; and one could find another chapter perhaps, on discipline methods.
As I giggle with Kavita, on the standing in the corner discipline of her youth; and being I am many years older than Kavita; I am convinced more now, than ever; that yup, Mom's are gifted with a manual at conception of their child.
What amazes me more; is that, my son is adopted; and I was gifted too, with the same manual; when he became our son, at his birth(wink.)
ARM, please always realize, during your most extreme loneliness for your beloved family/friends; that distance is only a "thought" away from them(wink and a smile) and when you remember that; you will see there is no distance at all(gentle smiles.)
I am far from my two sisters; both in different places; my brother is here, my Mom; and yet, I miss the sister-hood.
North, the True North(Strong & Free)
Kavita, ARM; et al; to share with LK, if necessary only(lol)
I was a dreadful door-slammerer when my temper got the best of me(ahem); which got me kneeling in the corner more than a few times.
Punishment for slamming the door(on purpose) was to stand there, open and close it quietly; many, many times.. I was so dreadful(defiant Leo) that on the very last open-door I had to DO, I would slam it!!! I would beg Mom Nooo, it wasn't ME! well, at age: say, ten; I am NOW a professional door-opener and door-closer!
and, well, that's my true confession.. and yeah, I still slam the door, but it's a rare and dreadful feat I've learned to tame and curb.
I mean, why couldn't they have had door tutoring in those days? sheesh!
North
HEY KAVI,
YOU ARE NOT WHAT YOU BECOME
YOU ARE NOT WE YOU ARE
YOU ARE NOT WHAT YOU WERE
YOU ARE THAT, I AM THAT , NORTH IS THAT ..THAT'S ALL THERE IS
So very true Arjunan, in many respects..but, is not a flower, let's use a rose; derived of "many parts" and are those significant other parts; not different, but accentuates instead; the essence and strength of the rose(roots, stems, leaves; "then" the rose.)
to me, such is people; on one hand, we are the same in every scientific and spiritual and genetic respect;
yet, on the other hand; the only possible balance we have against perfection, is: the gap of uniqueness?
North
Hi Kavita,
Funny story. I liked it a lot.
Love,
Donatella
Hi Kavita, that is so funny, and so real. I enjoyed reading it. I wish I lived in Atlanta, I could have met her. God bless you Kavita.
kavita, lovely story...enjoyed it greatly. even more enjoyed your cheerful way in telling it. may you remain in this cheerful, lively, lovely state for ever!
harb
DEAR NORTH,
GOOD POINT, BUT I WAS REFERING TO AN UNDERSTANDING CONTSTURCTED NOT OF WORDS, THINKING NOT OF THOUGHTS..
Dear Arjunan, Ooh ok... sorry for my misguided analysis of what I thought you'd meant(blush.) Thanks for taking the time, to clarify this for me, I appreciate that!
North
Further, Arjunan; I wish I could be where you are now, in that "state" of beingness and understanding without the deaf construction of thought and word.
I hope to be in that "place of grace" one day soon too(I hope.)
Thanks for paving the way, for the rest of us, with your knowledge.
NOrth
Too funny, enjoyed every bit of it.
furtherNorth reminds me of Tanzan Senzaki. Are you back, Tanzan?
Thank you every one. I hope you will share stories about your moms tomake us all smile!
North, thanks for the "thinking the distance away" bit. I do try to do that, but what pains me most is the physical contact with my mother with her gentle hugs and the shower of kisses. Well, whenever that pain raises its head, I try and imitate her and shower the kisses and hugs on my husband, who then goes "go call and talk to your mom and get virtual hugs and kisses...do not PLEASE smother me so" :) I am very happy about this particular post from Kavita, since it made me remember my darling of a mother.
Thanks Arm. Its my mom's birthday today-and yeah she is still 25! I read out my blog to everyone back home when I called to wish her and my dad and my sister couldn't stop laughing.Mom sportingly told me some more anecdotes, including a few about myself..let's just say she thought her pilot project was going to grow up and become the mata hari of India and she still doesn't know how I turned out right. But yeah I have enough fodder for another sequel. Its great though since my dad is so darned perfect, there aren't too many things about him I could be irreverent about..but mom and my brothers..ah now my brothers are another blog in the works!
Dear Kavita,
I love this post on your Mom. It does so much to stir the memories of ... my Mom. And it lets me peek a bit more into your life and the family treasures, of your parents, and .... it's wonderful, thank you! :)
Happy Birthday wishes for your Mom!
With love,
~ Kate
Dear ARM; glad it brought a little light for you..and having had a husband once..and living 3 thousand miles from our respective parents, I resonate... thank goodness for Phones!!
IN my day,,we wrote a lot of letters snail mail; as we stuck to strict budget so we could save and fly home every 2-3 years.. lol
I love family stories too; we all have plenty happy, silly and funny ones.. this is a wonderful blog to share that intimacy of childhood with Mom; that time of golden innocences...while testing our feet and our "wings."
Kavita, special BiRtHdAy WiShEs to your Mom today, on her BiRtHdAy!!
May she always remain 25 in her outlook ... she sounds quite precious..may this year bring her a glowing youth; to match her Spirit!
North
Ok, I'm not wishing your Mom a "glowing youth"...
rather,,It should have been:
"a CONTINUED glowing youth to match her Spirit"
lol
b/c when I re-read that part, sounded like I was wishing your Mom a young man(glowing youth)...lol...for her birthday...
eeeeeeeeek! I had to explain just in case...lol..
and confess we all trip over out tongue from time to time... lol
North
thanks North, Mom would have appreciated a youth but she has her hands full swatting females away from my father..all my friends had a crush on my dad when I was a teenager..and even now he can walk into a room and give men half his age a run for their money.
Thankfully he is quite besotted with my mom to this day, and quite unaware of the women tripping over themselves to get close to him..dad of course has always been an old soul-even when he was a youth and mom has always been a spoilt bratty child, even to this day!
Thank you Kate for your wishes.
Hi Kavita... well, glad you got my best intentions for your Mom as intended.. and by seeing your pic; I have no doubt she is your reflection.. our family sound perfectly adorable.
It is quite a happy feeling really, to witness this way OF family; by sharing family-circle stories this way.
Blogs aren't just for serious matters of global undesirable events; it is also I should hope to believe; a place to swap joy, happiness, silliness without regret,,,and even mushy love you brotha/sista; for one another as equal beings, sharing ONE device, called: Life.
I was not given title of "princess" at birth; and neither was I Queen of my marriage; but, I have further belief now, more than ever; that a mother-daughter bond is such a Sacred, Eternal Present.
North
oh brother!! typo agin:
"our" should read: "your" lol...
ok,,won't use the "age thing" again this time;
but I think I need stronger glass's b/c this time, I indeed "checked" for err-or's...lol and a big sigggggggggggH, on top of that! lol
North
Hi Kavita,
What can I say about my mom? She has a great sense of humor. She is loving, but a little Spartan, if you know what I mean...pretty matter-of-factly. She is one of the smartest women I know, a journalist, former anchor on national TV, and still a good mom. She would always surprise everybody with her stubbornness and wit. When you would think that you knew everything about her, you could find her trying -- and succeeding -- to repair some appliance(her operating philosophy was 'I can do anything if I try hard enough') or making jam.
Of course, we didn't always agree on all issues (it's an understatement). But life was never boring with her. What I liked the most about her? Her beauty and grace, her natural elegance. She also was perfectly well groomed at 7 a.m., which during my teenage years was a little annoying (I liked to sleep in on my days off, because I would stay up reading until dawn).
Thanks for writing such inspiring stories.
Love,
Donatella
Thanks North and Donatella.
Donatella, the key word in your description with your mom is that life was never boring with her-that is awesome..
you remind me of me in this bit about not wanting to dress up and read forever on your days off..mom doesnt like the fact that people are too casually dressed here all the time..it was cute to see how even if we had to go to kroger, she would dress up very nicely, while I would wait impatiently at times for her to finish all her makeup;I'd be in sweats and she'd scold me each time..
North, mom and I aren't alike in any way..we don't resemble each other lookswise at all. People who see me usually tell me I remind them of my dad, in my demeanour and the way I carry myself..Personality wise too, I think I'm intellectually more compatible with my dad than mom..its very interesting, however to see how well my parents compliment each other in spite of being so different.
HI Kavita... well, I assumed you would look like your Mom...lol...I look like my Mom most, but with Dad's eyes/brows...
look forward to more family stories from you and posters...they are nice shares of space and Grace!
North
Thanks for your wonderful story. My mother will be perpetually 33- as she's been for YEARS! Funny I should find this today, just when I wrote this about my own mother.
...excerpt from my "about" page (at bajabonnie.com for it's entirety should anyone want to read it) thanks for letting me share
"It is apropros my journey now begins with a vehicle- figurative and literal. Continuing with this metaphor, I’ve been asleep at the wheel. My mother, a free-spirited soul searcher in her own way, was in the driver’s seat in the beginning. Life began on a path of of wonder and excitement. She provided a life of intrigue- never knowing exactly how the small choices would impact our adult lives. From being city-mice dreamers to country-mice owners and operators of a dairy farm in the Ozark Mountains, to travelling across the country in the our “Honey Bee” RV while she taught us at home, to being baptized in a real life river in Missouri, to individually witnessing the prayer-only-three-day-healing of a badly broken bone the doctors were afraid to operate on resulting from spilled water in a game of let’s pretend “we’re mommy -waitress and high maintenance customer” gone awry, to my subsequent loss of faith when prayers went “unanswered” at 16 to heal my first boyfriend of the Leukemia he had just been diagnosed, to being a well-adjusted, intellectual woman, holding down a great salaried graphic design job with benefits.
To this point, I had lost the path of wonderment and had chosen to stand still for fear of losing my way way even more than I had. Holding fast to the stability of what I had known to be my life. But, I have re-aligned my internal compass and am now ready to navigate on my own. My mother proved that happiness lies in the journey, not the destination. And for this, I am grateful to her and I know I will never be able to find words adequate to express my thanks. She is my hero."
Dear fromflames: that was wonderful...your Mother is also Blessed with her daughter(I assume you are a female)and no doubt, you are "her" hero too.
God Bless, Mothers and Daughters..Sons And Fathers..
Happy Monday everyone.. how was your Moms birthday, Kavita? what wonderful surprises were bestowed upon her...like surprise visits and the like?
North
Thank you fromflames for sharing that piece about your mother, and the fact that she gave you the wings with which to fly on your own, and navigate your own path.
North mom's birthday celebrations last a few days because of the large number of family and friends she has,so the entire weekend was celebrated at the homes of different friends celebrating her birthday..and she still gets a lot of nice gifts.
right on, Kavita,,,so glad she has such wonderful blessings!! My Mom doesn't like to celebrate her birthday anymore(73 in June)...so it's like pulling teeth with her...what to do, what not to do? I just follow her lead...spoil her with attention; give maide service for a week; so her place is sparkly for birthday visitors...
As you know, I had a surprise on weekend too... and I am still on cloud nine from it!!(big smiles.)
North
Kavita
What a lovely way to think of your mother--so full of love
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Recent Comments
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Neelam commented on True Memoirs of my Mother:As endorsed by Oprah Winfrey
Kavita
What a lovely way to think of you -
North commented on True Memoirs of my Mother:As endorsed by Oprah Winfrey
right on, Kavita,,,so glad she has such wonderf
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kavita chhibber commented on True Memoirs of my Mother:As endorsed by Oprah Winfrey
Thank you fromflames for sharing that piece abo
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North commented on True Memoirs of my Mother:As endorsed by Oprah Winfrey
Dear fromflames: that was wonderful...your Moth
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fromflames commented on True Memoirs of my Mother:As endorsed by Oprah Winfrey
Thanks for your wonderful story. My mother wil
Absolutely wonderful, adorable share, Kavita!
I can almost picture your childhood; with your Mom, Grandmother and sister...I could see you and your sister in the dark room, with the fridge, raiding it; and having banana peel tossing matches.
I resonated with the standing in the corner punishment; Mom's must learn that along the way, as my Mom did it too; but, if the punishment had to be more severe; we had to "kneel" in the corner!
Totally enjoyed reading some of your treasured family, and childhood memoirs, Kavita.
North