In Baby Boomlet, Preschool Derby Is the Fiercest Yet
Kavita Chhibber - March 05, 2006
And you thought you’d be doing it only when your kid applies for college
This article by Susan Saulny in the New York Times caught my eye. I’ve seen this kind of scrambling In India both by my own brothers and by all my NRI friends who chose to go back to India a few years ago. The only difference-in India you can give a bribe as a form of a donation and get lucky. Here, it doesn't work.
Read on
“The fierce competition for private preschool in New York City has been propelled to such a frenzy this year by the increased numbers of children vying for scarce slots that it could be mistaken for a kiddie version of "The Apprentice."
Take the case of the Rabbani twins, who live on the Upper West Side. Their father, Usman Rabbani, graduated from Yale 10 years ago, has a master's degree from Harvard and works for a major drug company in Manhattan. Despite his accomplishments, Mr. Rabbani was stumped when he sat down to compose a short essay a couple of months ago.
His assignment? To profile his two toddlers. Of his 18-month-old son Humza he eventually wrote, "He knows that birds like to sit on rooftops when they are not on the ground, that cats and dogs like to be petted, and that the blue racquetballs in the can belong in the racquetball court upstairs."
About Humza's twin, Raza, he wrote, "He is happy to point out all his body parts when asked."
With those words, Mr. Rabbani conquered parental writer's block and entered this year's version of the altered universe of private preschool admissions. After years of decline, the number of children under 5 in Manhattan, where the most competitive programs are located, increased by 26 percent between 2000 and 2004, according to census estimates. Yet the number of slots has not kept apace.
"These are the kids who are 2, 3, 4, and 5 years old now, trying to get into preschool and kindergarten," said Amanda Uhry, the owner of Manhattan Private School Advisors, a consulting firm for parents. "And it's a nightmare."
This is the moment of maximum anxiety for parents, many of whom have applied to so-called safety preschools, just hoping their children will be accepted somewhere. And the hot pursuit of slots has continued despite tuition that can run over $10,000 a year for 3-year-olds. Acceptance letters were sent out last Wednesday for private kindergarten programs, to be followed next week by the telltale thick or thin envelopes from the preschools.
"We're feeling it," said Ellen Bell, an admissions official at the Ethical Culture Fieldston School, an elite private institution. "It's a real problem for us to deal with the number of applicants and deal with them properly the way we want to, to be fair with every family. These numbers are just becoming overwhelming."
"I see a greater angst in the parent, and that troubles me, and my heart goes out to them," she added. "We're sending out more news that people don't want to get."
Part of the problem is that the number of twins and triplets born to women in New York City has increased, according to city Health Department statistics.
In 1995, there were 3,707 twin births in all the boroughs; in 2003, there were 4,153; and in 2004, there were 4,655. Triplet births have also risen, from 60 in 1995, to 299 in 2004. Because preschools strive for gender and age balance in generally small classes — and also, some parents suspect, as many potential parental donors as possible — it is harder to get multiple slots in one class.
"I tell families that they may increase, hopefully double or triple, their options, by telling schools they are willing to separate their children," said Emily Glickman, whose firm, Abacus Guide Educational Consulting, helps parents win admission to private schools.
"Unfortunately we are in a very cutthroat climate right now, where the schools have the power," Ms. Glickman added.
New York City has about half the capacity it needs for its youngest students, public and private, said Betty Holcomb, the policy director of Child Care Inc., an agency in Chelsea that provides referral services for early child care.
"Even if you're rich, you're not guaranteed a place in a preschool," Ms. Holcomb said.
So this year, the application essay, which parents might once have dashed off in a few sentences, has become a reason for more hand wringing.
"What do you say about someone who just popped out?" Mr. Rabbani asked. "You're just getting to know them yourself."
In a sign of how overwrought the process has become, production is in progress on a pilot for a cable television reality series, "Manhattan Mom," about the daily travails of a New York woman. A producer said the series would include at least one episode focusing on the mother's struggles to get her 5-year-old into a top private kindergarten.
But none of the 25 or so private schools the producers called will allow the producers to film any part of the process.
"They don't want publicity," said Rachel Tung, one of the producers.
Few schools were interested in talking about the application process to a reporter, either; nearly a dozen did not return calls for comment. But many parents poured out their frustration.
The preschool essays are just part of the problem, they say. Time-consuming interviews, observed play sessions, rising tuition costs and application fees, preferences shown to siblings and families who have connections to the school, and the increasing difficulty of gaining admission for twins and triplets, parents say, are making the process more stressful for the entire family.
"I didn't get a real sense of competition like this until I was doing my college applications, and even that seemed easier," said Mr. Rabbani, who went to high school in a small Canadian town near Buffalo.
Lori Malloy, who lives on the Upper West Side, watched friends try to get their children into preschool last year, and she remembered thinking, "I'm not going to get stressed out like the rest of these ladies." But when Ms. Malloy, a federal prosecutor, applied for her twins, a boy and a girl, she asked her husband to write the application essay.
"I was so nervous," she said, "and I'm someone who took the LSAT, who's written for the federal judiciary and in law review." The family applied to four schools.
"There's not a week that goes by that I don't regret that I didn't apply to three or four more," Ms. Malloy said.
Consultants are reaping benefit from the competition. Victoria Goldman, a consultant and an author of guides to Manhattan private schools, said, "This year, I've gotten more calls for nursery school than kindergarten."
In writing the essay, parents can turn to the seminars that focus on "idea starters for application essays." Some good words to use in describing your child? Enthusiastic, creative, inquisitive, sensitive, consultants say.
Ms. Uhry, the consultant, said it was almost impossible to overstate the importance of the essay.
"The first way of separating the wheat from the chaff is to get rid of those essays in which the parents couldn't be bothered enough to write a decent essay or take this whole process seriously," she said. "It is your calling card. It is your entree."
Still, no one can say for sure how much the essay matters. Some consultants think it is more important to have a strong contact or family friend already in the school of choice.
Mr. Rabbani's advice? "You have to get creative in describing your child."
Hence, his son Humza, in his essay, is "a soft-hearted jock." And Humza's brother Raza is "a thinker and a mischievous lover."
Perhaps Mr. Rabbani knows what he's talking about: Humza and Raza got into their parents' first choice of preschool two weeks ago. They were notified before most other parents because they applied through an early decision program. "
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Posted by Kavita Chhibber at March 5, 2006 05:42 AM
Comments
Thanks for saying that-its great to hear there are such schools and colleges.I do know of a lot of cases where schools and colleges have taken bribes to get into ivy league schools in India-having top grades isnt good enough any more. Have enough friends and family members who were asked to make a "donation" in cities like Delhi, Bangalore, Bombay specifically both at pre-school,school and college levels. Some refused, others gave in.
I remember being asked to bring a rum bottle since my dad was in the army, to just get a copy of my college scores faster, by a professor in one of the best colleges in India.
Unfortunately bribes begin in India from the smaller scales..bribe the clerk, the police cop..here ots more often that the kickbacks are far bigger.
Hi Kavita, luckily, I do not have any small children, and I don't live in newyork. But I would love to have grand children.(hint, hint,Puja, Archana. )
Teachers who come to the blog, may be this is a neat way to make some money. It must be awesome to play with toddlers all day!!
Kavita, I wonder if a lot of women are taking fertility pills in Newyork. There is a higher incidence of multiple births with those drugs.
Nice post Kavita. God bless.
Geeta,
I'm sure it has to be the fertility drugs, since many women are having babies at the end of their so called biological clock than the beginning due to career aspirations or they all have alladin's magic lamp to have twins and triplets pop out on command.
And I thought you were being a good girl and not bugging your daughters to marry..(puja, Archana I have it on tape..:)
this is really tough business -schooling..when I was a pre-schooler the only think my mom was concerned about was that there were 4 other girls called arti in the class-she had named me arti first..so she hurriedly changed my name to alka and then kavita..lucky you can do that there!
now it was funny that two of my brothers pre-registered their kids in one school 2 years before the kids were even born.
My wife is a montessori teacher and both of my kids are in montessori kids; they have been in one since there were 3 years. Nothings beats genuine Montessori education for the toddlers and young children. My wife is also planning to take toddler training in Montessori this summer.
I understand how hard it is for parents to find good schools for their children. In India it is a lot tougher, especially for those middle class families who can't afford top schools for their children. But I firmly believe it is the parents who make the maximum difference in the lives of their children, not the schools.
Regards,
Ravi
Ravi,
you have raised an excellent point about montessori schools as well as the fact that its really the time parents spend with kids that matters.
Another excellent point was made in a talk show by Clark Howard. I dont know if he has a national talk show but he is very well respected in Georgia. A woman had called in and said that her son had been accepted at a good state college and from the money they saved he would come out debt free, but he had also been accepted at Stanford and when he does come out, while he will have the education that Stanford offers, he will be badly in debt in spite of the money they had saved for him. What should he do.
Howard said in the survey they did that year only 2 Governors from all the states were from Ivy league schools, and that he was of the firm belief that if her son was committed and smart, he would succeed wherever he went.
My father studied in village schools and did much better than a lot of guys who came from som very prestigious private schools in India, because he had the desire to excel and make his widowed mother proud of him. It was interesting to hear from him that he actually would listen to the BBC to improve his english accent. He speaks such impeccable english, that I would never have known.
I wonder at times if being part of a private school system is really the key to success.
Some of my friends sent their kids to public schools till they reached high school-then they were shifted to high school-others stuck to the public schools saying that the private school isolates them from real life. Most did send their preschoolers to montessori if they could afford it just because of the unique way children are taught.
It would be interesting to know what people think about private school versus public school. Any thoughts?
Last year it was Bush bashing. And this year its India bashing. Go easy people.
Kavita,
You obviously don't know how things have changed in India. I, repeat, there are many excellent schools (run professionally) in India that don't accept any kind of bribe (including rum bottles) at all. Your sweeping statement was "The only difference-in India you can give a bribe as a form of a donation and get lucky". I think it is unfair to make generalizations on the country's school system when you don't know how it is working.
Hey! just like Poland! 'Corruption isn't corruption, if we all just..;)
I'm gonna keep a 'kickback' Blog in Poland,
the first copper that gives me a speeding ticket..
or the first judge..
maybe a proffessor..
politicians I do not have to mention,
ah, almost forgot, the 'untouchables' - the tax
people...;)
Love, Passion!
Unknown please don't be presumptuous about what I may or not may not know.
I am in India pretty often, my mother as a matter of fact runs an elementary and middle school and I'm actually working on my second piece on the school and college system in India and here. The first piece Seeking Saraswati about public versus private schooling was published some time ago and is on my website.
It has been an unfortunate thing that after interviewing several parents of both school and college going kids, I heard endless stories where they did give a donation to the school, and their kids were accepted then-some medical schools, engineering schools, also took donations.
I go to India pretty often and am going back to finish the detailed investigation.
Have you done any such research? Corruption and bribing are rampant in India on many levels, and not just in schools.
My brother who is in the IAS has put many businessmen behind bars for offering him bribes through the years, so has my friend's uncle who is a cop. Others have not been that honest.
A good friend who wanted to set up his Indian headquarters in Chennai, for his IT company refused when asked for bribe every step of the way from the clerk, to the electricians, to the water guys and had a very tough time. His story is part of my two part series on the IT men in Georgia-that too is on my website.
The school system isnt any different. The key word here is you can give a bribe at a school level, and get admission for your kids-you may not ALWAYS get it but you CAN.
As a journalist I research everything thoroughly and I go to India enough times and spend enough time to see things for myself.
If you have detailed statistics do provide them, I would love to use them as part of my story-after verifying them of course otherwise yours will be a sweeping statement.
H, I love India, but every country has its downers..corruption and bribery are one of them, and interestingly according to another piece I did, every state has its own infrastructure. Some non Indian and Indian business men were laughing that doing business in India is like visiting a different country each time, because each state works in its own unique way.
That is why some states in india are thriving, perhaps more than the others.
Again, for the last time, your statement implied that you can always get away with bribe in schools in India unlike in the US. This is misrepresentation of facts of our system in India. I know of several good schools where no bribe will be accepted. This is the end of discussion from my end.
Kavita, first of all I want to tell you that Lena's middle name is Aarati. If I had a son I would name him Prashad. Those girls know I want grand children. I pretend not to pressure them. But every phone conversation has this question, "are you seeing anybody seriously?" Kavita, two of my friends I walk with, have grand children. So I feel jealous of them. They laugh at me and tell more stories about their grand children.
Take care. God bless.
Hi Kavita,
In Chicago--where public schools leave a lot to be desired--I went through the shameful process of 'preschool derby'. My children were blessed with French classes and even cooking classes. It was worth it. Still, I am not big on pride...I wish I didn't have to go through that.
Oh, and my children made friends in the park with a more diverse group (thank God).
Love,
Donatella
Hi Kavita !
If I remember correctly you have at one time studied in Holloway Primary School ! Was it tough getting admission there ?
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Recent Comments
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Virendra commented on In Baby Boomlet, Preschool Derby Is the Fiercest Yet
Hi Kavita !
If I remember correctly you h -
Donatella commented on In Baby Boomlet, Preschool Derby Is the Fiercest Yet
Hi Kavita,
In Chicago--where public schoo -
geeta jayaram commented on In Baby Boomlet, Preschool Derby Is the Fiercest Yet
Kavita, first of all I want to tell you that Le
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unknown commented on In Baby Boomlet, Preschool Derby Is the Fiercest Yet
Again, for the last time, your statement implie
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kavita chhibber commented on In Baby Boomlet, Preschool Derby Is the Fiercest Yet
Unknown please don't be presumptuous about what
please don't make such sweeping statments about India. There are many excellent schools in India which don't accept bribe and the hence the admission process could be tougher!