Kavita, you brought a smile to my face. It is a beautiful blog post. Welcome to 21st century and a world of super technology!! Thank you Kavita. Love and God bless.

See, it's not so backward of a religion, after all :o)

Kavita,

Ha! Ha!

Hint, hint?

Hair-brained ideas...

I need a lot of those, right now!

Hello! Good to see you! Bye, bye. God bless!

nothing wrong with it. I mean if mian biwi raazi to kya karega qazi but still it lacks romance . . .

Conformity, the secret to indentured servitude.

Marriage is a manmade artificial institution.

Sounds like they hardly know each other.

You might talk about how Indian culture treats women. A bit like dirt. You know if I was God I would probably wanna destroy it, Indian culture.

It's not just there you know, look at the muslims suppose if I was God I would destroy that culture to.

Maybe that is what is going on.

Maybe we should celebrate the feminine and save the world.

Richard,

You have absolutely no idea about Indian culture. India has had a woman prime minister. In the US, we haven’t yet seen a woman occupying the white house. Nor would we see it ever happening, I am sure. In the US, women were disenfranchised till 1920’s. By that time, women were actively participating in the freedom struggle in India. Out of 330 million Hindu gods and goddesses, about half are women. India perhaps is the only country where god is a woman! If Indian culture treats its women as dirt, the American culture doesn’t have a history of treating its women as gold either.

The condition of women in India is not much worse or better than it is anywhere else. A marriage on the internet is no gauge to comment on the status of women in India. True, majority of Indian couples don’t know each other before they get married. As such, a normal marriage, where the bride and the groom are physically present, would be just as “sensible” as an Internet marriage. But still majority of our marriages last till the end. The rate of divorce in India is negligible. In the States, where physical intimacy precedes marriage and the couples “know” each other well before they tie the knot, 50% of all marriages break up in the first ten years, despite the “till death do us part” vows, don’t they?

Granted it’s the social stigma of divorce in India that makes Indian couples stick together till the end of their lives. Still, arranged marriage isn’t such a bad option after all. You could try that out in the States!

Sanjeev

I think its great. Truely a modern marriage. can you get divorced the same way? :-)

"can you get divorced the same way? :-)"

Hilarious!

Hi Kavita,

I am pretty new in this blog thing. I am bit of an old schooler. I suppose this sort of marriage can only be done in Muslim marriages where the physical proximity of the bride and the groom is basically nil or in other words not required. The maulvi is the person who does the job of a messaging service. This high tech marriage is just another fall out of how physical proximity even though in different rooms for Muslims, an essential prerequisite in a marriage, is slowly fading away. I suppose it doesn't matter nowadays whether the bridegroom is in a different room next to the bride or in a room seven seas apart, its all the same. Just that it takes the juice out of a marriage. I really wonder whether there would be any love or romance in the whole thing. It looks pretty high tech though but it also looks shallow and without feelings. This time I truly wish that they be happy. God help them.

Hi Sanjeev,
What do you like? Free Society or Closed society
Arranged marriage is like you are telling everybody that you are going to give up your individuality and your Mom will make decision about your life .Next thing will be your Mom will decide everything about your life like what kinda shirts you wear to Yada yada yada…
My Point is Individuality.
About high divorce rate in western world, What do you prefer (Choice or suffering).
I mean If something is not working out after sometime It is better to set it free rather than keep it running and suppressing your feelings.
Anyways, I guess it would be difficult for you to understand difference between free vs. closed society. May be you need to ask your Mom about it.

Good one Kavita. Seems like this is a pattern of things to come, although you can get married on the Web, reproduction cannot be an option here :)

Thanks for your comments everyone. Richard I think Sanjeev has a point there. You really can't make sweeping judgments about the status of women in India, because I have seen far too many women across the board in diverse cultures playing second fiddle to their male counterparts..and yes America has never had a woman President and even today there is a salary discrepancy between men and their female counterparts.
Also remember stories of postal brides..american men headed outside based on a picture to marry these women from europe, phillipines and what not.
India still has the lower rate of divorce..so may be something is working here eh?

But reading this piece brought a smile to my face because of how technology seems to have taken over our lives..I wonder if this marriage is legal..and it will be fascinating to see how far we can go..I remember sending an email to a friend who was working in the next room on my second computer that lunch was ready instead of just calling out to him..and considering the influx of internet dating and long distance relationships, and even webcam dating, I guess a marriage by video conferencing is just the next step..it was cute though..those were the days when we read.."and the blushing bride was nervously waiting for her groom"..instead here we read, "she anxiously looked at the laptop attached to a mobile phone placed in the centre of the room." love connections totally dependent on cell phone connections!
On top of that her uncle proudly says-this is not the first hi-tech wedding in our family-another relative got married telephonically 15 years ago!"

as for the honeymoon and kids..lets just wait and
watch....anything can happen in the world of hi-tech innovation!

hehe.. i guess a hindu wedding over video conferencing would be harder...or they could just put the garland on the laptop and take "phere" around it..lol

But where did Richard say it was better in any other culture? Are you saying that Indian culture is backward toward women and not in any other culture Richard? I'm not getting a clear message here?!

Jignesh,

If it would be difficult for me to understand the difference between free and closed society, do you think it’d be easy for my MOM to understand it. She doesn’t interact on blogs. She knows no other values other than Indian values. Apparently you wrote the last sentence in a sarcastic sense.

I don’t stick up for my culture. I know the flaws in our culture, and I never defend them. I never advocated arranged marriage in my first comment. I accepted on my own that it’s the social stigma of divorce which glues the Indian couples together till the end of their lives. If there wasn’t such a blemish attached to divorce in India, half of all Indian marriages would crumble.

I fully agree that if something, be it a marriage or any other relationship, isn’t working, it’s better to cut yourself loose from it rather than keep suffering. If I believed otherwise, I would never have described divorce as a “stigma”. The Indian society would gradually evolve and divorce would become an acceptable norm.

Jignesh, the high-ground moralistic and condescending tone you adopt in your last para is appalling. You think since I live in a closed society in India, I won’t know the difference between a closed and free society; since I have never had the privilege of being brought up in a free society like the US, like you most definitely appear to have, it’s no use trying to explain to me the difference between an open and free society, eh??

I tell you what Jignesh, I understand the virtues of an open society better than you do. Anyway, I would rather live in a closed society as a First-Class Citizen rather than migrate to a western open society and live as a Second-Class Citizen!! Probably you won’t understand it. You see it’s a matter of Choice Vs Suffering. Ask your Mama. She’d definitely have an answer to this one!!

Sanjeev

I am afraid that we are soon going to hear something of that sort, like taking phere around the laptop and as for honeymoon and kids, as Kavita says, anything can happen...lol. I guess they would devise some way of sending semen through E-mail. I truly second Sanjeev on his reproach, especially the last para. Its awesome.

Sanjeev,
One in 1 Billion Smelly Indians ,YOU are the King, Man.

Jignesh,

Ha ha ha ha!! I knew what I wrote in my post # 16 would hurt and hurt in a spot where it hurts most. If I am a smelly Indian, so are you! If you give off foul smell, migrating to the west isn’t the solution. We have indigenously-made deodorants here in India! Come to India and I’d give you a germ-resistant bath.

I could understand Richard making snide remarks about Indian culture, but to hear such patronizing, insulting words from an “Indian” American called for me to stoop a little low to deal with him at his level. Jignesh, merely by living in the US, you can not possibly become like a Gora American. You see you haven’t ceased to be smelly by shifting to the west. You still give off awful stench redolent of the toilets you clean everyday; of the dirty upholstery of the taxi you drive everyday; of the malodorous odor of the gas station where you serve from morning till evening everyday!!

Based on what I have heard about tough life of migrants to the west, I can reasonably presume you are engaged in one of these noble professions.

I know you never had the privilege of enjoying the status of a first class citizen, like I do here in India. So I can understand your anger. I sympathize with you. I pity you, poor soul!!

Sanjeev

Sajeev,
FYI,I am software engineer and My zip code is 90210. Anyways, You are the Indian King!
BTW If you get chance come here, I bet You will love california.
-Jignesh

Wait till we see them deliver babies underwater or who knows may be on the moon

:-)

Aaron

Very interesting, I must say. What will they think of next? How to consummate a marriage through technology? Is something like that ever becomes possible, it would be a boon to frequent travellers.

You can already deliver your baby underwater-didn't you know that AT?

very therapeutic for mother and baby-so I'm told....anyway, not, bad, virtual marriage-tha would make my mum happy. I could get married and still live on my own!! Plus, in terms of cosummation, talk about safe sex! heh,heh,heh

P.s. there are always webcams!

Jignesh,

Well I am glad to know that you are a software engineer. But you see Jigs, you ought also to behave like one. It’s no use living in California and having a zip code you can flaunt proudly unless it gets reflected in your conduct. Your post # 18 manifests a clear lack of argumentative capability and betrays a low-grade upbringing. After writing it you can’t boast about living in California. If such a guy can qualify to live in California, then I don’t think I am missing anything by not having seen California.

About my visiting California, you see I am just not ready to downgrade my citizenship status just for a few of those smelly dollars!

I am sorry that things have come to such a pass between us, Jigs. You shouldn’t have said the nasty things you said in your post # 11 and # 18.

Sanjeev

Kamini:

"P.s. there are always webcams!"

well.. you are now going into the domain of "Vicarious Sex"!! ;-)

Sanjeev:

Dont bother about Jignesh. He has a californian foot in his filthy mouth!! Thats how he is always!

cheers,
desh
drishtikone.com

Hi Desh,

My.my, how can you accuse me of such innuendo????-I'm but a lady :-).lol

I was merely stating that there are infact technological advances that enable us to communicate in other ways without the need of physical presence..heh,heh,heh. Bring it on!

K

Hi Desh,

Thanks for your kind advice.

Sanjeev

Kamini:

Ladies can also participate in the webcam vicariousness.. I am sure you know that ;-)

"technological advances that enable us to communicate in other ways without the need of physical presence.."

Were you talking of COMMUNICATION or CONSUMMATION? lost the track here eh! :D

Cheers,
Desh
Drishtikone.com

"Aliza also gave her consent to Maulavi Hamidul Hasan before the 450 odd guests trooped out for the dawat."

I know the physical proximity is a bummer.. but leaving this guy in a foreign land holding his computer mouse while they indulge in food and entertainment is probably the most brutal side! :-)

I mean imagine looking at all the dishes but not being able to eat any.. Damn!! Evening of let-downs for this guy!!

Cheers,
Desh
Drishtikone.com

Hi Desh and Sanjeev,
Well... I always wonder about vegetarian Indians reaction to anything critical to them.
They are very aggressive about arguing anything and always try to show off their knowledge (which is not so necessary).
However I am not able to understand their reaction to terrorism, i mean 200 Indians died still they are arguing about it, they will not take any action.
Is it because they are vegetarian p**sy...Or they need to ask their Momma about it.
I mean, learn something from Israel.
NOW You Understand meaning of independence and assertiveness.
Try to Understand My analogy (If you could) "If you compromise and suffer at one place (Like Arranged marriage), you will end up compromising and suffering everywhere.“

Thank you all for your comments.
Jignesh and Sanjeev, Desh I hope you'll avoid taking personal pot shots-its a waste of energy.
However your comments brought home a couple of interesting thoughts and have given me fodder for another blog. I hope to write on it in the coming days. Jignesh I have read your comments across the blog over many months and a lot of them have been interesting. Desh is one of my favorite posters and Sanjeev's comments even here made me think, though I have to confess I havent been here as often as I should have due to extra work that seems to be piling on.
In the meantime it was fun to see how far every one's creative imagination has ventured to add some virtual spice to the virtual marriage that was!
and yet it seems while the world and the groom watched a good time was had by all!

Yeah....Desperate for Legall fuc.

Can any one tell me why this marriage thing a big deal for INDIAN .
I AM 26 and moms$pops started to nag about it..wht u recon i should be doing.
Should i go for arranged ?
WTS the selection criteria?
Sounds toooooo superficial.

Well klumsyklutz, I went to the park today, you know how many people from India were there? About 50, my neighbors across the street are from India.

I have known people from India most of my life. I can also read the blogs write.

So yes I do have an idea about Indian Culture, no expert by any means, I know what it was a long time ago... before it changed, when the caste system was about degrees of knowledge
Sure it has improved and not all Indians treat women the same way.

In most regions of the country, male folk wisdom offers overt reasons for man's perennial war with woman. It agrees in portraying the female sex as lacking both sexual morality and intelligence. Punjabis and Gujaratis are of one mind that, "The intelligence of a woman is in her heels" (Strini akkal edi mā). Tamils maintain that, "No matter how educated a woman is, her intelligence is always of the lowest order," and Malayalis warn that "One who heeds the advice of a woman will be reduced to beggary" (Penachollu Kalkkunnavanu peruvali). Folk sayings in the northern languages, however, place singularly greater emphasis on the employment of force and physical chastisement to correct perceived female shortcomings. "The places of a horse and a woman is under the thighs" (Ghoda aur aurat rān telē) we hear in Hindi. And in Gujarati, "Barley and millet improve by addition of salt, women through a beating by a pestle" (Usī jawār bājrī musē nār pādhrī): "Better to keep the race of women under the heel of a shoe" (Rāndni jāt khāsdane talē rākhelij bhalī); (Mūrkh nāri ne nagārā kutyani kāmnā). The proverbs in the South Indian languages, on the other hand, convey more a man's sense of helplessness and resignation in the face of general female cussedness and constant provocation. "Wind can be held in a bag, but not the tongue of a shrew," is common to both Kannada and Telugu. "Neither the husband nor the brother-in-law can control a pugnacious woman" goes another Telugu saying, while yet another admits even a king's helplessness in the face of female disputatiousness. (12)

Not getting a divorce out of fear, sucks, it is like a prison.

Fact is the women are so dependant they can't get a divorce becuase they won't be able to survive.

So what you say about the lower divorce rate, is bull shit.

You can pretend all you want, but it is an abomination to treat women as subservient.

If you feel offended then you must associate your identity with your culture, and that is an Illusion.

Desh,

'Were you talking of COMMUNICATION or CONSUMMATION? lost the track here eh! :D'

You're an intelligent person-what do you think I was talking about? Both my dear!!!

'it is an abomination to treat women as subservient'

Richard, will you marry me? :-)

K

I agree that it is not just India where women are not on par with men. It is all over some to lesser degree and some to a greater degree.

This is what must change in the world.

What was that movie? Bandit Queen?

Kamini,

I'll let you know after a few dates.

:)

Richard,

Do you have a webcam? ;-)lol

K

Yes.

Hi Jignesh,

So you couldn’t beat me on the cultural front, and are now trying to take potshots at me on “my” country’s security front. I won’t disappoint you Jigs.
Apropos of your post # 30, the world must thank India for its pusillanimity. India is a soft and weak state. India can never be like Israel. I don’t think we have anything to learn from Israel. Israel is a paranoid country. It reacts to each attack on its soil as if its very existence is threatened. That’s the spontaneous response of a nation that’s been victimized, brutalized and tortured over the years, “thanks” to Hitler. India has never experienced the horrors of a holocaust. India’s national trait is passivity. We thought we’d become invincible when we tested the nuclear bomb in May 1998. Today India’s nuclear weapons hang like albatross around our neck. To use nuclear weapons you have to identify your adversary in a clear and definite shape. Terrorism unfortunately is a faceless enemy.

Just the other day, Israeli air strikes killed 3 dozen Lebanese children. Now if India did what Israel did, you’d hear about 30 dozen Pak kids being maimed in Indian air strikes. We’d rather be called cowards than kill innocent kids to save our citizens. See, we truly believe in the age-old legal adage: “A thousand criminals may go scot-free, but an innocent person should not be punished.” That’s Indian ethos, Jigu. But you won’t understand it, because your zip code is 90210!! Ask your Mata Shree, who in all probability has had an Indian upbringing. She’d definitely be able to shed some light on it.

Those who dare India and call it all sorts of names for its inability to effectively fight terrorism should realize one thing once and for all:
The day India gets mad, what happened in the US on September 11, 2001 would look like a street fight.

Sanjeev

Namaste Richard,

“I agree that it is not just India where women are not on par with men. It is all over some to lesser degree and some to a greater degree”(Refer your post # 36)

“You might talk about how Indian culture treats women. A bit like dirt. You know if I was God I would probably wanna destroy it, Indian culture”(Your post # 6)

May I know Richard why are you singling out Indian culture for destruction while you yourself admit that Indian culture isn’t the only one in the world that treats women below par with men?

Well if you wanted to impress me or at least refute my assertion in the first line of my post # 7, and convey to me that you have “some idea” about Indian culture by displaying your scholarly study of the Indian scriptures(they don’t deserve to be called scriptures; toilet paper I would call them), you have been successful.

To be honest, I have never heard about the various quotes you have enumerated in your analysis. But I don’t deny them one bit. But before wishing to destroy Indian culture, Richard, you must realize that no culture, including the American (and not even the Californian 90210, I am sure) culture, treats its women as gold. Despite all your quotes from Indian historical documents that really are highly derogatory of women, the bottom line is that in the 59 years of our independent history, India was ruled by a woman for about 20 years. In the 43-odd presidents you have had in the US in more than 200 years of your independent history, not one of them was a woman. Do you think it’s a mere coincidence that a woman couldn’t come to occupy the white house in the entire independent history of the United States? No sir, it’s the same old male chauvinism at work here. Men, Indian or American, are the same everywhere.

I don’t know what kind of lifestyles the 50 Indians you met in the park have. But have you ever seen an Indian man touching his mother’s feet? Why do you think he does it? I touch my mother’ feet before embarking on anything big. I did it each day I went out to take my 16 Chartered Accountancy examinations, and I do it even today on every New Year’s Day and on every Diwali (you most definitely know what it is). You see in India mothers are held in a very exalted position; she is a Goddess incarnate. For 9 months she nourished me with her blood and went through excruciating pain to give birth to me. Can’t I do her a small favour by touching her feet once in a while?

And on every Rakhi (another Hindu festival, it’s coming up this month!) my sister ties a fancy thread round my wrist. And I undertake a pledge to protect her. And mind you Richard, as long as I am around nobody dare cast a dirty eye on her.

Forget the bloody scriptures, that’s the practical, modern-day Indian culture for you.

I think rather than talking of destroying Indian culture and sapping your intellectual energies in reading long-abandoned Indian trash literature, you must start actively campaigning for Hilliary Clinton’s run for presidency in 2009!!

Namaste.

Sanjeev

Richard,

I have a webcam too!!!! :-)

K

Hello Sanjeev,

I totally agree with you on all ur thoughts and comments about the arranged marriage.

And that Mr. ‘Proud to be 90210's’ comments should be basically ignored

But the "PEACE LOVING BULL" response to why India does not reply or attack the militant establishments near its border, I feel was nuthing but a heartwarming display of Patriotism.

Hope things change soon....I am not for war but I certainly feel there should be a certain limit for us to be tolerating SHIT...

As I mentioned its what I think .....

Enjoy!
~A

Sanjeev,

I see how the Indian women look at me and it is all in their eyes. They are not really happy.

I will leave it at that.

You should know that I frown on all beliefs. But for sure the game of pretend can be fun to play, if we do not take things so seriously.

Well Kamini, how should we proceed?

Richard,

"it is all in their eyes"...well as a married INDIAN women I can tell you what they are thinking when they are looking at you:

They are probably thinking of either beating you up for corrupting their kids through your vulgar media or they could be wondering if this poor white guy would ever EVER settle down in a "permanent" marriage.

Richard,

Now you are talking like a spiritual guru!! You can divine a person’s thoughts by just looking at them. What are you trying to insinuate? That Indian women aren’t happy because they’re trapped in arranged marriages. And American women, are they happy? You see Richard, freedom to change your spouse the same way as you can change your car or your house when you’re fed up with them, doesn’t bring true happiness either.

Despite what you would call the “curse” of arranged marriage, India is the third happiest country in the world, according to a latest survey. The 50 Indians you’ve seen in the park aren’t a representative sample of Indian society. They aren’t happy maybe because they miss something back home in India. And you in your supreme wisdom interpret it as a thumbs down for arranged marriage!

Anyway you’ve now got a chance to make at least one Indian woman happy. Lucky girl, Kamini!! Once she’s married you, she won’t look at American men with unhappiness in her eyes, because she has for husband a guy she can change as nonchalantly as she changes her jumper!!

Sanjeev

ha,ha!!!!!!

Richard, I'm a mere meek Indian woman-granted that I have been brought up in the west..I'm shy........You take the decision as to how to proceed...YOU THE MAN BABY!!! lol

Sanjeev (klumsylutz)..

Are you implying that I change my men as quickly as I change my clothes??? Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm, I hope that is not the impression I give..do I know you? You're not my ex boyfriend who owes me money are you? Lol (just kidding)

I don't think there is anything wrong with the arranged marriage concept. Its just that in the metros in India, as the society is changing so rapidly and sex before marriage is taking place amongst the young people. Its slowly becoming the second option rather than the first.

Marriages were 'arranged' in western societies too at some point. Where people would marry for monetary reasons, or politcial reasons etc. THis still happens today to a certain extent.

However, if you have had relationships in your life-the arranged marriage concept is more difficult to grasp, when choosing a life partner (that you can meet someone and make such a huge decision as to marry them more or less straight away, wihtout really knowing them beforehnad).

I have seen both love marriages amongst my mother's family and cousins (inter-caste as well) and arranged marriages. My parents met once for 30 minutes, married after 10 days and were married for 42 years. I may be biased, but I still don't know two people who connected as soulmates as much as my mum and dad. When I ask my mum-'how did you know you wanted to marry my dad after half an hour'..she said she just felt that it was right, but also it was the norm. O.k. in their case they meshed well and had alot of fun together, but in other cases, the marriages didn't last and ended in divorce.

There is still immense pressure in Indian society to marry. The concept of being alon is still alien. Plus its your duty as parents to see your children (especially your daughters settled). I see many friends of mine, men and womem who married very young-some under pressure. Some are unhappy, others aren't.

As Indian society changes, and women feel more empowered to leave the marriage if they are unhappy, divorce is not uncommon now and second marriages are acceptable. People marry for their own reasons; companionship, stability, love, etc.

Love is really a western concept, marriage in Indian society is a practical one-although (this is changing too)the most romantic poetry and music feed you the idea of romanticised love. The Bollywood films show love conquering all and everything is rosy with flowers, skipping through the fields holding hands etc etc But the reality in any relationship is that it takes work/respect for eachother's individuality and common goals to name but a few issues to contend with.

Indian women are almost always secondary to the mother. This causes more problems than anything else in marriages. The wife is not considered the 'first' woman in the man's life. I have heard many mothers speak of their sons as their first girlfriends (which actually I find odd, but there is a somewhat emotionally claustrophic relationship between an Indian mother and her son-Italians mothers are the same). I'm not saying all men are so called 'mummys boys', but a majority of the Indian men do have this in their psyche.

Thus, you do have some cases of women who are badly treated by their mother-in-laws, who were in turn badly treated by their mother-in-laws. It is a vicious cycle. I have seen this, in my own family here-where a strong independent women who has married has to in turn keep her mouth shut-to keep the peace and ensure her marriage works. Its not easy to be pushed into a corner whereby you are forced to make a choice and live a life of repression. If you make a choice freely that's different. My own exprience of living in India (granted a metro like Delhi) is that it does take courage to live on your own terms as a women and not conform in the traditional sense. But you know if you can marry via the internet, you don't have to contend with the mother-in-law and the extended family-lol

My comments are not meant in any way to dis Indian society. They're just reflective of my observations and experience through familial experience, having lived here for the last few years.

Marriage in many societies is becoming an archaic concept, however, millions of people still get married every day. For every unhappy marriage there are many happy ones. However, my philosophy is if your relationship makes you unhappy, it is better to be out of it. Its not always easy to make the decision or at times even possible-but a bad relationship can kill you emotionally and affect you physically-and at the end of the day no one willingly wants to impose that on themselves.

Kamini,

No, I don’t know you unfortunately. Richard was saying that women should have the choice to walk out of any relationship they don’t like. Arranged marriages he says don’t give them this choice. I was just trying to explain to him that once he’s married you, you would have the freedom, unlike the “unhappy Indian women who look at Richard in the park”, to part ways with him whenever you felt the relationship to be too oppressive. I used the Jumper metaphor just to drive home the point more emphatically.

Richard, indeed you’d be better off marrying Kamini than an American girl. The marriage would last long. She would make you feel like a god. I can guarantee you that.

Sanjeev

Sanjeev (KK),

Awwwwwwww, thanks for the vote of confidence, but I think my ex boyfriends would disagree that I make made them feel like Gods..usually I make them feel inadequate..and they leave (this is not a sympathy trip lol).I wonder why, I'm a nice girl I am..........

Anyway, if you are interested, I have been writing articles on my observation of Indian society for Kavita's net magazine. They are humourous takes, but you may enjoy them.

Here's the link!

http://www.kavitachhibber.com/main/main.jsp?id=womens-Mar2006

http://www.kavitachhibber.com/main/main.jsp?id=humor-May2006

K

Kamini,

Can I ever thank you enough for those links? You said in your comment in response to Rahul Bose’s post that you work in politics. What exactly do you do? You also said that you are a half-Sikh, half-Hindu. Which of your parents is from which part of Panjab? Actually I am a Panjabi Hindu too. I live in the city of Ludhiana in Panjab. Just curious about you. More so after I’ve read your comments under Bose’s post.

Sanjeev

Hi Sanjeev,

My mum is Sikh, from Gurdaspur (the family has been there for generations) and my dad who was born in Amritsar and grew up in UP (Musafarnagar) was Hindu. I'm Punjabi, but was born in Australia and was three when we went to the UK. I grew up there and studied there etc, but got a job in India with the European Commission. I work in Development Cooperation- Rural Development, managing our bilateral projects in Bhutan and India. Initially for the first two years I managed our rural development India projects-but now I travel backwards and forwards to Bhutan. I say politics, because of course I deal with the Government of Bhutan on the Country Strategies, Governance, poverty alleviation esseentially etc. Although I worked in Public Affairs in the UK for many years.

I know Ludhiana-but haven't been there for many years. May I ask what you do?

K

Kamini,

Thanks for that information. I am a practicing Chartered Accountant. I also read both of your articles on Kavita’s website. I would like to read more of your writings. Would you care to give me your e-mail address?

Thanks.

Sanjeev

Hi Sanjeev,

My writing is really a hobby and I just started 6 months ago. Kavita saw the first one which I cut and paste into a post on intent and liked it and wanted to put it in her mag. I've just sent her another two in draft, which I have on my desktop at work-but not on my laptop. My e-mail id is kamini_paul@hotmail.com

Can send them tomorrow. Is that o.k.?

K

Kavita:

You could have your very own marriage matching going on right HERE!!

Way to go guys! I see a triangle developing.. Richard-Kamini-Sanjeev...

.... as the soap develops.. the question is who takes Kamini away!!

Let the drums roll...the musicians are waiting... get that first song out guys!!

Shekhar.. you better start looking at an alternative career buddy.. we have our own team of IMPROV directors and scriptwriters on the go here!!

Cheers,
Desh
Drishtikone.com

Thanks every one,
Iam headed out of town so havent been on the blog much.
just managed to read through some threads in the past hour. Kamini what a menage a trois eh! Our second virtual vivah in the making perhaps!
I think things are changing in India too and also the Indian concept of what a marriage means is changing with the modernization of India.
Having done two stories on people who are single and others who got divorced in the south asian community, I see there is already a changing trend where people are (unless the woman is financially dependent on the man,) moving towards walking out when things get rough-and many edctaed women staying single longer. Its also interesting that people here seem to find lawyers encouraging them to divorce, in India lawyers as well as many judges encourgae reconciliation as happened in the much publicized case of actress Karisma Kapoor and her husband Sunjay, and some of my friends. People are also having more extra marital affairs as women seek their happiness elsewhere, when they dont want to leave for financial reasons or because of fear of the stigma.
So as a society and people we continue to evolve.
Personally I feel if things are not working out in any relationship, give it your best shot and then move on..I have seen perfectly happy couple separate because both evolved differently. relationships are tough business I guess.
thanks everyone for your comments.

Hi Kavita,
Ah, the mystery of relationships, and what draws one to another,
or menage a trois!
Perhaps the 'missing ingredient' to make it work,
is
Love!
which I send to you
:)
~ Kate

Hey,

I guess in these times of disturbing events such blogs are refreshing and anyways an online islamic wedding is welcome news. All these delta events are the key contributors to a perception shift which will contribute to social evolution in a positive way.

Though i feel bad for the groom and probably the bride as well........coz post wedding rituals must also have been online.......lol

best regards

Amit

I was wondering.......Firstly how many of us beleive in destiny......and are we destined to do this.... or be there.... or marry our spouses.

Arranged marriage also goes through a social process. At least in urban India now a days the process in an arranged marriage is just upto arranging a meeting between the prospective couple. After that meeting the guy or the gal has to take a call and give a yes or no. Most of the time even in an arranged marriage today the girl and boy get to meet at least once and defenitely have the right to say no. probably rural india the scenario might be different.....i guess a bit more preassure on the girl and her family.

Amit

Hi Desh,

Dil Wale Dulhaniya Ley Jaaenge!!

Sanjeev

Lol!!! I need some light relief after the morning I've had. Anyway-I'm flattered.

Hey, we could have virtual dating on intent-you know like that Blnd Date programme. The woman/man are asked three questions and have to guess the response of the other, and then vice versa! Who so ever's answers are the most accurate/liked and relevant, then the man/woman chooses!! lol.....

Wanna play? :-)

K

Well Kamini,I am game!

Sanjeev

O.k. Sanjeev, you start..........:-)

Ladies first Kamini!

Sanjeev

Guys:

read "Blink" by Malcolm Gladwell... it has some interesting insights into the "Speed dating" stuff... and ability of all of us to "thin-slice" someone's personality based on our sub-conscious thoughts.

Cheers,
Desh
Drishtikone.com

Sanjeev:

Until you are single... you are happy!! Enjoy it!

When you can borrow the book from the library.. why buy it?? :-)

Just kidding....

Cheers,
Desh
Drishtikone.com

Guys:

Here is an interesting blog post on why the future of beautiful women is soooo bleak!!! A woman would probably be better off being average than beautiful! ;-)

http://www.drishtikone.com/?q=node/3188

Cheers,
Desh
Drishtikone.com

Hi Desh,

I agree Desh. A girlfriend is like a taxi. You can get off her whenever you feel like. A wife is more like an owned car. You gotta ride her till she's not depreciated fully!

A wife is also like a Chewing gum: You can neither swallow her nor throw her away.

Sanjeev

goodness,
I take a flight out of Atlanta and see how the flights of imagination have taken off here! Desh, Sanjeev, the gals on this site are going to beat you up, for all that you have been posting in black and white abut the fair and superior sex.. girls you need to rebut their comments. I shall also fire some ammo soon, in between my many assignments!
As for the richard, sanjeev , kamini soap opera ..enquiring minds want to know..when do the games begin?

Desh,
I can't read the article about the future plight of beautiful women (post # 69) The link didn't open. Perhaps, it's just as well.
This beautiful woman will find a way 'into the future' with her looks - and brains :))
~ Kate

Sanjeev,
(post # 70) I will let Kavita straighten your perspective!
~ Kate

Hi Kavita,
Where are your assignments taking you too?

Okay Desh and Sanjeev,
for reminders, this posted below should show that Men are indeed from Mars!
No wonder they can only nab women virtually these days!
Kate, I am in the mid west for about 10 days.
I still owe you an article on the wonderful family you wrote about. I havent forgotten-just have been a little overwhelmed with the revamping of the website, writing business proposals and trying to create a balance, and things have slid a bit.
I will get in touch with them soon.
lots of love to you
Kavita

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Hi Kavita,

Well I definitely had the geographical advantage over Richard in this little melodrama we enacted here. And I have made full use of it!!

Thanks Kavita. Thanks Intentblog. Thanks Yahoo Messenger. Thanks Graham Bell.

Thanks also for offering that excellent training course. The choice of contents certainly reflects a great insight into the psyche of men.

Sanjeev

Dear Kavita,
Your "topics" are hilarious.
I am glad to report that I have never come across anyone who needed to take all those courses... maybe a refresher course in one or two.
Love,
Donatella

Hey Kamini, I suspect you might not be so meek as you appear. ;) Oh and I read your Internet dating article it was good.

I suspect that you may hear from me soon. : )

Sanjeev,

You may have a geographical advantage, but I have Deepak's Kama Sutra book memorized, and I aim to please.

: )

Lol!!!!!!

Richard, I'm a concoction of sugar and spice! As many women are-can you handle it? lol

Glad you liked the article. I've just written another one called 'Breaking up is hard to do!' I wonder which one of the 'menage a trois' is going to relate to that one-or who starts 'drinking and dialling first'!

For the rest-watch this space!

K :-)

Desh, the article that you posted what does it mean???????? Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Anyway, you can see what a quandry women are in today as to finding the right partner. Forget about internet marriages, this is much more intriguing!:-

Woman weds dolphin
Email Print Normal font Large font Tel Aviv, Israel
December 30, 2005 - 6:34AM

Advertisement
AdvertisementBritish tourist Sharon Tendler has finally made her dream match - by "marrying" a dolphin she has been visiting for 15 years in the Israeli resort of Eilat, the mass-circulation Yediot Ahronot daily reported today.

Ms Tendler, 41, has been visiting the city on the Gulf of Aqaba two or three times a year to spend time with her 35-year-old underwater sweetheart.

"The peace and tranquility under water, and his love, would calm me down," the Israeli daily quoted her as saying.

Last week, Ms Tendler finally plucked up the courage to ask the dolphin's trainer for the mammal's fin in marriage.

The wedding took place on Wednesday, with the bride - wearing a white dress and watched by amazed spectators - walking down the dock to where the groom was waiting in the water.

She kissed him, to the cheers of the spectators and then, after the ceremony was sealed with some mackerels, was tossed into the water so she could swim away with her new husband.

"I'm the happiest girl on earth," the bride was quoted as saying.

"I made a dream come true. And I am not a pervert."

Hi Richard,

I wonder if you know what “Kamini” means. She says she’s a concoction of sugar and spice. I bet she’s more lethal than that. The word “Kam” in her name is derived from the same Kama Sutra you profess to have memorized. Kam means sex; Sutra means the code.

And “Kamini” means the Goddess of Sex! Beware Richard!

Sanjeev

Sanjeev,

Not strictly true...Kamini also means: A sensuous, beautiful woman.

:-)

What a wonderfully refreshing blog this has become :)

Hi Kavita,

Here are some plagiarized thoughts on women:

# Wives are young men’s mistresses; companions for middle age; and nurses for old men.

# Who to a woman trusts his peace of mind,
Trusts a frail bark with a tempestuous wind.

# A woman is like your shadow;
Follow her, she flies;
Fly from her, she follows.

# There is a hardly a case in which the dispute was not caused by a woman.

# In the beginning Allah took a rose, a lily, a dove, a serpent, a little honey,
a Dead Sea apple and a handful of clay.
When he looked at the amalgam—it was a woman!

# When a woman becomes a scholar, there is usually something wrong with her sexual
organs.

# Though women are angels, yet wedlock is the devil.

# Friendship among women is only suspension of hostilities.

# The trouble with life is that there so many beautiful women—and so little time.

# Brigands demand your money or your life; women demand both.

# You can find women who have never had a love affair, but seldom women who have
had only one.

# A man of sense only trifles with women, plays, humors and flatters them, as he does
with a sprightly and forward child; but he neither consults them about, nor trusts them
with, serious matters.

Nothing personal here. Any resemblance with anyone on this blog is purely coincidental and unintentional :)

Sanjeev

kamini,
the poor dolphin died recently, so the woman is back in the market. Sanjeev, those observations on woman written by rejected romeos I presume :)were hilarious..sugar and spice and serpent like and what not..I guess women are too hot to handle by men, that is why we are not just the fairer sex but the stronger one too. Remain under our benevolence and you will thrive!
from Kamsutra to Kamini...or kamini's kamasutra..there you have two more articles to write Kamini! I'm talking to Rahul Khanna today..maybe your kamini like tips may lure him back to the blog.
Donatella thanks and Dara good to see you here.
Richard go for it man! Closer proximity doesnt mean anything in the world of internet dating and video conference marriages!
and we shall watch it all unfold here on intent! who knows we may have our first match made on intent-unless you dont mind a harem kamini girl!

Hi Kavita,

Oh NO! Did the dolphin have a brother? Shit, you see, all the best ones are either dying or taken, even in the animal kingdom!

Yes, do tell Rahul Khanna to write a humourous post.

Sanjeev, this one is for you:
“Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women”. Groucho Marx

Richard, this one is for you:
Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself. ~Rita Mae Brown

And to all the ladies in this house, this one is for you:

"Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult." -Charlotte Whitton

:-)

K

Hi Richard,

I guess Kamini—literally the sensual seductress, the great siren, the nymphomaniac, and euphemistically a beautiful, sensuous woman—would need the services of both of us. I suggest you go ahead and marry her.

Can I cuckold you, Richard?

Sanjeev

Kamini:

My article simply cites a research study which says that there is a greater likelihood of the genes ensuring a beautiful girl to be passed on as opposed to a good looking son. This means that in the coming years - the likelihood of a beautiful woman finding a good looking male spouse is going to reduce!!

Cheers,
Desh
Drishtikone.com

alas Kamini,
these good men in all species do not come in multiples!
I did speak with Rahul-at the moment he is really busy and the bombay monsoons dont make him very happy! But he has shared some thoughts about Mumbai for the segment I'm doing for this month's anniversary issue. so you can read that for now. I did tell him you were charmed by his wit and he thanks you

Hi Kavita,

Oh no, no,no-you were supposed to ask Rahul Khanna if he was charmed by my wit!!! If he has resd my posts of course. :-)

K

Sanjeev, I did not know that about her name. Sounds awesome and so does A sensuous, beautiful woman. I love sugar and spice. Spicier the better.

As for the cuckolding (there is an article for you to write Kamini!) boy that would draw some attention, I would have to say yes, to the cuckolding becuase to say no would be to deny my Self.

Being that we are all One being, then your happiness is my happiness as Kamini's happiness is my happiness, as my happiness is your happiness.

So in reality we can only have sex with one being, lucky for every One, "I" have multiple points of view, which makes it all the more exciting, for me to know my Self.

I think we will leave the "married" choice up to Kamini, and since you do have a geographical advantage it might be better that you do the honors. Then again Kamini may like the conveience of an absent husband so that she may indulge in a diversity of pleasure. Since her pleasure is my pleasure what could I say?

Here is a killer article girls. Sex is best for everyone when the female has multiple partners.

Natural sexuality conflicts with institutional sexuality.

At least I suppose, I guess we would need more real world feed back.

What I found is that studies had been done with both humans and animals. There is also a lot of “feedback” from those that have open marriages to support it.

It was found that when a male X copulates with a female and that female then copulates with male Y it causes Male X to experience a doubling in testosterone levels, increased sperm count 40% and increased sperm mobility up to 60%.

It was also determined it was not just psycological because it still worked when the male did not know.

When a male Y is presented with a female that has been copulating with another male X , male Y’s testosterone levels double, and there is an increase in sperm count and mobility.

Higher testosterone = better sex

In both cases the female experiences when copulating with more than one male increased arousal, and receptivity to sex.

The reason is nature and survival of the fittest and healthiest of the species.

The problem is that man creates these limitations that go against nature creating conflict. Perhaps this why the Bonobos have so much sex and so little conflict? It was also found that usually there would be a bonding and increased frequency with a specific or favored male while supplemented by engagement with other males. Perhaps the other males enhance the selected males performance?

So what does it mean? Well it could be the solution to infertility, and even the lack of it the cause.
A female will have better sex if she has multiple partners.
Sex is better for the male if the female is copulating with other males.

If you suddenly get a huge sex drive around your wife she is getting some somewhere else. : )

Let’s see society try to deal with that truth!
There are two other things that were discovered. After giving birth to a child, the father of that child loses sexual chemistry / interest in that female that bore his offspring.

This is so that the male will go an copulate with other females, improving the chances of survival.

This is also so the female will copulate with other partners.

So does this mean marriage and children, do not go together with good sex? I think so.

But it does mean that if both wife and husband can indulge in a diversity of pleasure that the children will grow up in a happy household with a happy mother and father.

Okay Kamini, I e male d you. : )

Is anything more important then our children growing up in a happy household on a war free planet?

Desh,

Mmmmmmm, isn't it the other way round?. The chances of finding a relatively attractive man above the age of 30 is quite difficult. You're lucky if they stil have their own teeth, because the baldness usually sets in around that age. Also, beauty is in the eye on the beholder..unless you've had a few drinks of course and we've all been there! :-) lol

Richard, what do you think about the dopamine effect. I wrote about this on another post. In a nutshell, when you are initially attracted to someone, the body releases dopamine, which gives you that 'high', transalting into what we know as being in love..however, the effect lasts only between 9-12 months. Hence many guys use this as an excuse to break up with a women and meet another woman to get the same fix! In other words, we are all mostly dopamine addicts. Monogamous people have probably gone through some sort of rehab to counter this biochemical effect-and thus are able to have long-lasting committed relationships.

Anyway, men (Richard and Sanjeev), I shall consider your offers, although after 13 marriage proposals and one engagement, I'm still looking for the X factor! Ha,ha.

P.s. All that I write is very much tongue in cheek. I hope everyone realises this!

K

Desh,
Sorry, read your post very quickly. hence, you are saying what i said. Oops.
K