Dear Mallika, great way to clear the air for some joy, laughter and love, love, love!! There have been so many blogs on global wars, and corrupt politics, that well... it's depressing!!

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

--- Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

--- The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

---Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?

--- I've sure gotten old.! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But,
thank God, I still have my driver's license.

--- An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."

---My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

--- Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

---I've still got it, but nobody wants to see it.

---I'm getting into swing dancing. Not on purpose. Some parts of my body are just prone to swinging.

---It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.

---The good news is that even as we get older, guys still look at our boobs. The bad news is they have to squat down first.

---These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."

---I've tried to find a suitable exercise video for women my age, but they haven't made one called "Buns of Putty."

---Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches.

---Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up.!

--- Remember: You don't stop
laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.

- --THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference

North:

The most hillarious ones I have read in a LOOONG time!! Can I please post these on my blog with credits to you, Maam, so my friends can also enjoy them!!

Have a good week!!!

cheers,
desh
drishtikone.com

Desh, of course, please do pass on the laughter!!

And yes, let us all share a week of joy and laughter... it has been a long time, due; considering world events.

North

More mid-age quirps via the chain-thang:

I can almost feel myself losing weight....by forwarding this to you!

You'll understand at the end.

I've seen two shows lately that went on and on about how mid-life is a great time for women. Just last week Oprah had a whole show on how great menopause will be... Puhleeeeeeeze! I've had a few thoughts of my own and would like to share them with you. Whether you are pushing 40, 50, 60 (or maybe even just pushing your luck) you'll probably relate.

Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.

In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wing spans.We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.

Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can see your rear without turning around.

Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and you realize that this is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless.

Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream, "Listen honey, even the Roman empire fell and those will too."

Mid-life brings wisdom to know that life throws us curves and we're sitting on our biggest ones.

Mid-life is when you look at your-know-it-all, beeper-wearing teenager and think: "For this I have stretch marks?"

In mid-life your memory starts to go. In fact the only thing we can retain is water.

Mid-life means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand McNally -- more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of Wisconsin .

Mid-life means that you become more reflective...You start pondering the "big" questions. What is life? Why am I here? How much Healthy choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?

But mid-life also brings with it an appreciation for what is important. We realize that breasts sag, hips expand and chins double, but our loved ones make the journey worthwhile. Would any of you trade the knowledge that you have now, for the body you had way back when?
Maybe our bodies simply have to expand to hold all the wisdom and love we've acquired. That's my philosophy and I'm sticking to it!

Send this to four women and you will lose two pounds.

Send this to all the women you know (or ever knew), and you will lose 10 pounds.

If you delete this message, you will gain 10 pounds immediately. (That's why I had to pass this on - I didn't want to risk deleting this.)

Sometimes ya just gotta love a drunk!!

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. "Not a chance," says the husband, "it's three o'clock in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers. "Did you help him?" she asks. "No, I did not; it is three in the morning and it is pouring outside!" "Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!" The man does as he's told, gets dressed, and goes out in to the pouring rain. He calls out into the dark "Hello, are you still there?" "Yes," comes back the reply from the dark. "Where are you?" asks the husband. "Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk.

Mallika, my eldest daughter, Puja just got engaged. I am so happy, I find myself on cloud nine!!God bless.

North you rock!!Loved those jokes.

Dear Geeta, congratulations to your daughter Puja!! How very exciting for you Geeta.. you will be gaining a new son!! All the best, to the bride and groom!!

Glad you liked the jokes Geeta... a good giggle is always good medicine; as you well know, as a doctor yourself...

love to you,
North

I am terrible at jokes because I can never remember their crucial parts. So I did an online search.

How to be really annoying:
Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

Drum on every available surface.

Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

Staple papers in the middle of the pag

Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.

Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

Set alarms for random times.

Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.

Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

Honk and wave to strangers.

Dress only in clothes colored
Hunter's Orange.

Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash register.

ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

only type in lowercase.

don't use any punctuation either.

Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

Pay for your dinner with pennies.

Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."

Light road flares on a birthday cake.

Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

Drive half a block.

Name your dog "Dog."

Ask people what gender they are.

Reply to everything someone says with "That's what YOU think."

Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.

Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot".

Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".

Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.

Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad.

While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.

Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

Wear a LOT of cologne.

Ask to "interface" with someone.

Sing along at the opera.

Mow your lawn with scissors.

At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata- hWING-batter!"

Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture".

Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.

Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

Never make eye contact.

Never break eye contact.

Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.

Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice.

Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

Make appointments for the 31st of September.

Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

Send fifty copies of this list to everyone you know.

North, Tiffany, thanks for a good laugh.
Geeta, congratulations!
Love,
Donatella

OK time for some terrible Jokes.

If you have a Referee in a game of Soccor........

And in a Game of Tennis there is an Umpire......

Then What do you Get in Bowls?????????

......... Soup of Course!

A self-important young man goes out and buys the best car available:
a 1997 Porsche 911 Turbo. It is one of the fastest and most
expensive cars in the world. He takes it out for a spin and, while
doing so, stops at a red light. An old man on a moped (both looking
about 90 years old) pulls up next >to him. The old man looks over the sleek,
shiny surface of the car and asks, "What kind of car ya' got there, sonny?"
The young man replies, "A 1997 Porsche 911 Turbo. They cost
$100,000." "That's a lot of money," replies the old man. "Why does
it cost so much?" "Because this car can do up to 180 miles an hour!"
states the young man >proudly. The moped driver asks, "Can I take a
look inside?"
"Sure," replies the owner.
So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around.
Leaning back on his moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice
car, all right!"
Just then the light changes, so the young guy decides to show the old man
what his car can do. He floors it, and within 10 seconds the
speedometer >reads 120 MPH. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear
view mirror that seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see
what it could be and suddenly, whhhoooossshhh! Something whips by him,
going much faster!
"What on earth could be going faster than my Porsche 911Turbo?" the young
man asks himself.
Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him. Whoooooosh! It goes
by again, heading the opposite direction! And, it almost looked like the
old >man on the moped! "Couldn't be," thinks the guy. "How could a moped
outrun a Porsche 911 Turbo?"
Again, he sees a dot in his rear view mirror!
Whooooosh-BLAMMM! It plows into the back of his car. The young man jumps
out. It is the old man!!! Of course, the moped and the old
man are hurting for certain.
He runs up to the old man and says, "You're hurt bad! Is there
anything I can do for you?"
The old man groans and replies, "Yes. Unhook my trouser braces from your side
view mirror."

Love

Simon xx

Great laughs Donatella, Simon!!

Tiffany, another drunk one for you - Man arrives home very drunk, very late, to be greeted at the door by a wife, very angry and holding a broom in her hand. "You still working dear or flying somewhere?"

Geeta, Congratulations!

North -- thanks for the jokes --- i forwarded it to 9aging) friends

& mature family members --

thanks Tiffany for the hilarious drunk joke too --

also, does anyone remember that joke posted in intentblog about the man who dreamt he was a chicken & laid eggs -- but was actually on bed dreaming & was awakened up by his wife because he was shitting on the bed?

anyone remember what post was that? i am looking for it.

thanks!

Hi Jen-D, I just turned 50-so beleive me, I got a few old jokes sent to me!! lol

North

"May you live as long as you want,
And never want as long as you live."

Not sure who wrote that quote..but thought I'd share it as a blessing?(wink!)

Hi Everyone,

Here is an assortment of funnies. Some of them I have already posted on Open Thread. But I think they’re worth repeating on this specific post.

Joke 1 - Old Buddies:

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values. Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?"

Joke 2 - Oil Crisis:

There are a lot of folks who can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in the USA.
Well, there's a very simple answer ... nobody bothered to check the oil.
We just didn't know we were getting low. The reason for that is purely geographical.
All the oil is in Texas, Oklahoma, Alaska, Wyoming, etc.
All the dipsticks are in Washington, D.C.

Joke 3 - GETTING THE PERFECT FIT:

"I'd like to buy some gloves for my wife," the young man said, eyeing the attractive salesgirl, "but I don't know her size."
"Will this help?" she asked sweetly, placing her hand in his.
"Oh, yes," he answered. "Her hands are just slightly smaller that yours."
"Will there be anything else?" the salesgirl queried as she wrapped the gloves.
"Now that you mention it," he replied," she also needs some tampons."

Joke 4 - Hide it:

A Fag finally decided he could no longer hide his sexuality from his parents so he went over to their house and found his mother in the kitchen cooking dinner.
He sat down at the kitchen table, let out a big sigh, and said, "Mom, I have something to tell you, I'm gay."
His mother made no reply or gave any response, and the poof was about to repeat it to make sure she'd heard him, when she turned away from the pot she was stirring and said calmly, "You're gay, doesn't that mean that men put their penises into your anus?"
"Yes mom they do."
And you put other men's penises in your mouth?"
The faggot said nervously, "Uh, yeah, Mom, I do."
His mother went back to stirring the pot, then suddenly whirled around, and whacked him over the head with a frying pan and said, "Don't you dare complain about the taste of my cooking ever again.

Joke 5 - Johnny at Work:

Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office but she belonged to someone else. One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said I'll give you a $100 if you let me have sex with you.
The girl said, " NO."
Johnny said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up."
She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend. She called her boyfriend and told him the story. The boyfriend said, "Ask him for $200, then pick up the money very fast. He won't even be able to get his pants down."
She agreed and accepted the proposal. Half an hour went by and the boyfriend was waiting for his girlfriend to cal l. Finally after 45 minutes the boyfriend called and asked what happened. She said, "The bastard used quarters!"
Management lesson: Always consider a business proposal in its entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed!

Joke 6 - Johnny's Marriage Proposal:

Little Johnny and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love.
One day they decide that they want to get married so Johnny goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.
Johnny bravely walks up to him and says,
"Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love, and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."
Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies,
"Well Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?"
Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replies,
"In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine, and we can both fit there nicely."
Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin,
"Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny."
Again, Johnny instantly replies,
"Our allowance. Jenny makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, and that should do us just fine."
By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Johnny has put so much thought into this. So, he thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny won't have an answer to.
After a second, Mr. Smith says,
"Well Johnny, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?"
Johnny just shrugs his shoulders and says,
"Well, we've been lucky so far...."

Joke 7:

A college class was asked to compose in as few words as possible an essay that dealt with these three topics: religiosity, sexuality and mystery.

The essay that was selected as the best read as follows:

Good God! I am pregnant. I wonder who did it.

xxxxxxxxxx

This equation should be taught in all math classes worldwide!
From a strictly Mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:
What Makes 100%?

What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Did you ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.

How about achieving 103%?
What makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little Mathematical Formula that
might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L- S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
Finally look how far will Bootlicking take you:
B-O-O-T-L-I-C-K-I-N-G
2+15+15+20+12+9+3+11+9+14+7= 117%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hardwork and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and BOOTLICKING that will put you over the top every damn time.

Sanjeev

test

Words of Wisdom!

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. * A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. * Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. * For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. * He who hesitates is probably right. * Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with. * No one is listening until you make a mistake. * Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view. * The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it. * The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread. * The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.

* To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. * To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles. * Two wrongs are only the beginning. *

Here's wishing every Indian on the globe a Happy Independence Day. And no, this is not a joke.

Cheers!
Navin

HaPpY InDePeNdAnCe DaY INDIA!!

Independence for whom? Only for the rich, wealthy and powerful. An official holiday ( India is on a holiday for most of the year anyway), hoisting of the national flag, a banal and hackneyed rehearsed speech by the Prime Minister, rerun of umpteen number of patriotic Hindi movies on myriad TV channels, and a fresh pledge to combat terrorism with a firm hand!!

This is what 15th August, the Indian Independence Day, has come to be all about. How prophetic Winston Churchill was when he said in 1947: All sorts of crooks and thugs will rule this country. Not a loaf of bread will be spared taxation.

What kind of freedom is this, where you have two sets of justice systems: One for the ordinary mortals and another for the sons of politicians, ministers and other high-ups? They can kill innocent girls in broad day light in front of hundreds of people and get away with it, because the judge after 5 years of hearing says: I know you are guilty but I can’t convict you for want of evidence??!!

What kind of freedom is this where day in day out hapless people being unable to make their voice heard to the powers that be immolate themselves in the open, and the TV cameras roll on ghoulishly, so excited to have got a great Breaking News story??

What kind of freedom is this where hundreds of farmers commit suicide every year being unable to cop with their heavy debt burden??

What kind of freedom is this where history-sheeters—people who have criminal cases ranging from murder, rape, dacoity, et al pending against them--can contest elections and even get elected on the tickets of national parties??

What kind of freedom is this where millions of Indians don’t have two square meals a day; where thousands of kids die of malnutrition; where millions of kids work in homes as domestic helps and get severely beaten up if they fail to get their boss’s kid’s school bag ready in the morning; where less than half of the population lives on less than one dollar a day; where millions sleep on sidewalks; where baby girls are killed at birth if the parents couldn’t have the fetus aborted because of the legal ban?? Can you imagine any parents killing their new-born daughter because they don’t have the financial means to arrange for her dowry? And on the Kanjak festival they worship little girls as living incarnations of a Goddess!!

What kind of freedom is this where Members of Parliament are caught accepting money on camera for asking questions in Parliament and asking for kickbacks against release of money for public welfare out of their official MP Local Area Development Funds??

What kind of freedom is this where the state actively participates in the pogrom of the minorities? In 1984, 3000 Sikhs were butchered on the streets of New Delhi, the Indian capital. Why? Because they happened to be innocent co-religionists of the killers of Prime Minister Indira Gandhi. 22 years, scores of Commissions of Inquiry (a standard Indian government response to a public outcry), and recording of thousands of witnesses and oaths later, we have still to see a single prosecution!! Thousands of innocent Muslims were killed in Gujarat riots and the Chief Minister like Nero played the flute while Rome burnt!!

Freedom surely doesn’t mean political freedom only—freedom to hoist the flag or to burn it and the freedom to push the button on an electronic machine every five years. Freedom means freedom to be born and to live; freedom from poverty and exploitation; from being persecuted; of having an equal status in society and in the eyes of the law; of having a decent education; of falling in love and marrying the person you love, irrespective of their caste or religion.

As long a single Indian sleeps with an empty stomach; as long a single Indian sleeps on the sidewalk; as long as the abominable practice of female feticide and infanticide goes on; as long as we have criminals in our parliament; as long as we have little kids working in hotels, shops, homes instead of being in schools, we have no right to "celebrate" the Independence Day.

I am sorry I have posted this piece here. This was meant to be a humorous post.

Sanjeev

The Indian flag has three colors: Saffron, White and Green. Saffron is for the Hindus; White represents the Christian faith; and Green symbolizes the Muslim faith. Someone asked a Sikh: Where are the Sikhs in that flag?

The Sikh answered: “Who do you think owns the pole?!!”

Dear Geeta

Lots of happiness to your family! Last week I went to the wedding ceremony of a co-worker of mine. It was simply beautiful! My nephew said why didn't I go to the reception, the fun part! I said I'd rather be there for them and feel the love at the commitment part!

Love,

Donna

dear Sanjeev

your last is funny. regarding your more serious comment, it sounds like complete independence at the individual level. what needs to be taught are rights -- i.e., interdependence.

A guy decides that maybe he'd like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop.
After looking around he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch; it doesn't
have any feet or legs. The guy says out loud, "Dear me, I wonder what happened
to this parrot?"
"I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot."
"Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually understood
what I said and answered me."
"I understand every word," says the parrot. "I am a highly intelligent and
thoroughly educated bird."
"Yeah?" the guy asks. "Then answer this: how do you hang onto your perch
without any feet?"
"Well," the parrot says, "this is a little embarrassing, but since you
asked, I will tell you. I wrap my penis around this wooden bar, kind of like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."
"Wow," says the guy, "you really can understand and answer; can't you?" "Of course. I speak both Spanish and English. I can converse with reasonable
competence on almost any subject: politics, religion, sports, physics,
philosophy. And I am especially good at ornithology. You should
buy me; I am a great companion."
The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. He says. "I can't afford that."
"Pssst," the parrot hisses, motioning the guy over with one wing. "Nobody
wants me because I don't have any feet. You can get me for $20.00; just make
an offer."
The guy offers twenty dollars and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by and
the parrot is sensational. He's funny; he's interesting; he's a great pal,
he understands everything, sympathizes, and gives good advice. The guy is
delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot says, "Pssst," and
motions him over with one wing. The guy goes up close to the cage. "I don't
know if I should tell you this or not," says the parrot, "but it's about
your wife and the mailman."
"What?" asks the guy.
"Well," the parrot says, "when the mailman came to the door today, your wife
greeted him in a sheer nightgown and kissed him on the mouth."
"What happened then?" asks the guy.
"Then the mailman came into the house and lifted up the nightgown and began
petting her all over," reports the parrot.
"My God!" the guy says. "Then what?"
"Then he lifted up the nightgown, got down on his knees and began to lick
her body, starting with her breasts slowly going down and down."
The parrot pauses for a long time...
"What happened? What happened?" says the frantic guy.
"I don't know," says the Parrot, "I got a hard-on and I fell off my perch."

Dear Geeta,
Thank you for sharing your happy news. Blessings to Puja and her husband-to-be!

Love you so much,
~ Kate

From the treasure of "Mullah Nasruddin" which I have sitting on my desk to interrupt me at its behest. (By Clifford Sawhney)

A neighboring king had invaded Mullah Nasruddin's town and had the captured Mullah brought before him. The conqueror than asked Nasruddin, "Mullah all the great rulers of the past had horrific titles with the name of God in them: for instance, God-Gifted, God-Bestowed, God-Blest, and so on. How about suggesting some such name for me?"

"God-Forbid!" quipped Nasruddin.

Darlin' Geeta,

Congratulations to you, Puja and the groom!

When will you be a grandmother?

Are you already one? Geez...I'm clueless.

Any library news? Have you been busy reading?

.

Maybe Richard Thomas has seen Apostle's Torch.

Maybe Torch has seen Swear. I miss them both.

Take care, Sis! Keith~

Living in 2006
YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2006 when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile :-)

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly with whom you are going to share this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.

Ah-Ha!!!!!

North,

That is funny!

Love, Patzi

Hi Patzi.. glad you got some giggles from it!! I am so glad Mallika started this blog for some fun, fun, fun!!

Love, North

Jasleen, #24 is hilarious!!

Hi Simon,

Your parrot joke at # 22 really made me laugh out loud.

Here are my contributions for the day:

Photographed:

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to
persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture." Just think how nice
it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's
Jennifer; she's a lawyer, or that's Michael. He's a doctor."
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher.
She's dead."

Pet Monkey:

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking it the monkey jumps all around all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
The guy says, "No, what?"
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table, whole!" says the bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves.
Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.
"Now what?" responds the patron.
"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it," says the barkeep.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the patron. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he passed that damn cue ball he measures everything first."

Sanjeev

Part 1
What did the Yogi say when he walked into the Zen Pizza Parlor?
"Make me one with everything."

Part 2
When the Yogi got the pizza, he gave the proprietor a $20 bill. The proprietor pocketed the bill. The Yogi said "Don't I get change?" The proprietor said, "Change must come from within."

------------------------------------------------

An 80 year old man went for his annual check-up and the Doctor said "Friend, for your age, you're in the best shape I've seen." The old fella replied, "Yep. It comes from clean living. I know for sure that I live a good, clean, spiritual life." The Doctor ask him, "What makes you say that?" The old man replied, "If I didn't live a good, clean life, the Lord wouldn't turn the bathroom lights on for me everytime I get up in the middle of the night." The Doc was concerned, "You mean, when you get up in the night to go to the bathroom, the Lord himself turns the light on for you?" "Yep," the old man said, "whenever I get up to go to the bathroom, the Lord turns the light on for me." Well, the Doctor didn't say anything else, but when the old man's wife came in for her check-up, he felt he had to let her know what her husband said. "Your husband's in fine physical shape, but I'm worried about his mental condition. He told me that every night when he gets up to go to the bathroom, the Lord turns the light on for him. " "He What?" She cried. "He said that every night when he gets up to go to the bathroom, the Lord turns the light on for him." "AHA!!" She exclaimed.......... "So he's the one who's been peeing in the fridge!"

------------------------------------------------

If God is not the answer, what was the question?

SRK ---IN KABHI ALVIDA NA KEHNA (KANK)

He is the kind of guy who is always in news, even if he is not appearing on the silver screen . so it was surprising when SRK went silent for a long period. was it his back problem that was pulling him down or that was his special appearances in movies
Or alleged involvement in an cold war with bachchans?
Now KING KHAN is back . His “kabhi alvida na kehna”
( KANK) with karan johar . He plays Dev Saran,who is married to priety zinta - one half of a couple who realize that everything is not fine with their marrige relationship.
SRK is seen courting Rani Mukherjee who plays abhishek bachchan’s wife --- part of another unhappy family.

Infidelity and SRK??
He has always courted on other men’s fiancées( darr, ddlj ,kuch kuch hota hai) and even married women in movie like ANJAAM .
But he still entertain us with his great acting skills in kank.

What is your reaction toward his performance in KANK.

JUST CLICK ON THE LINK GIVEN BELOW AND REGISTER YOUR COMMENT NOW

http://www.orkut.com/CommMsgs.aspx?cmm=12438074&tid=2478908291228991277&start=1

Kate, thanks. I am planning an engagement party. Actually, Puja is planning it, and making me think I am planning it. I love you too. God bless.

Keith, thank you. I am not a grand mother yet. The book just came in. Bless you.

Simon, your jokes are great!!

Donna, thank you. The party is on the 21st of October. Namasthe.

Donatella, thanks. 8 is great.God bless.

North, 28 is very funny. Thank you for the good wishes. God bless.

Sanjeev, ditto to 20, and 32 is funny. Namaskar.

simon freejohn and ur parrot --

FUNEEEEEEEEEE!

the old man & the fridge joke is funny too!!!

thanks for the jokes yall!!! brightened up everyone's day, including mine.

thanks mallika for inciting evryone to put a good laugh in -- we all needed it.

Geeta, All the best to Puja and the groom. A wedding shower, sounds lovely. I think it's real cute, how she is arranging it, but letting you think you are.... so sweet, you sound very close to your daughter.

North

If someone tries to mug you on the street, just ring me up;

I’ve never seen anyone being mugged before!

xxxxx

Your family is so poor, when I went to your house I stepped on a cigarette and your Daddy shouted, “Hey, who turned off the heater!”

xxxxxx

What starts with ''F'' and ends with ''UCK?''

Firetruck!

xxxxxxx

An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and deposits a poopy little present on the woman's head.
"Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper."

"What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."

Sanjeev

Hi geetajayaram,

I am glad you liked my Jokes Huney ;-)

I wish your Daughter and her Fiance all the very best of happiness and success for the future. Did you tell me one time that you live in Canada?, I seem to recall you saying that you did. My Family is here right now from Canada visiting me in the UK, they have came over from Calgary Alberta, It is nice to see them again and I am off to Ireland on Monday with them, so that should be really nice. Holiday season eh?.... anybody going anywhere nice?

The way the Airports are at the minute it is enough to put anybody off going away!

Love Simon xx

Simon_freejohn, thanks for the good wishes for Puja. I am a hilbilly, I go bare foot when I can, I live on top of a big mountain, in the WV hills, appalachia is what my mountain range is known as. We upchuck when we throw up, we have the running off when we have diarrhoea, we hollar when we need to call some one, we drink pop when we need a soda, we are country folk forsshurr. We are famous for obesity, cigarette smoking, highest rate of teenage pregnancy, heart attacks, in short, we have the worst health in USA. Simon Ah wush Ah lived somewhere else more cavalised(civilised). But Ah do like our baked beans and corn bread, our black berries, blue berries, papaws,all those nuts. Them people do say our state is wild and wonderful, and almost heaven.

Simon_freejohn, thanks for the good wishes for Puja. I am a hilbilly, I go bare foot when I can, I live on top of a big mountain, in the WV hills, appalachia is what my mountain range is known as. We upchuck when we throw up, we have the running off when we have diarrhoea, we hollar when we need to call some one, we drink pop when we need a soda, we are country folk forsshurr. We are famous for obesity, cigarette smoking, highest rate of teenage pregnancy, heart attacks, in short, we have the worst health in USA. Simon Ah wush Ah lived somewhere else more cavalised(civilised). But Ah do like our baked beans and corn bread, our black berries, blue berries, papaws,all those nuts. Them people do say our state is wild and wonderful, and almost heaven.

Just snagged these from a friends blog..they were too funny to hoard!!

Story Of Elijah
The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophet of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces, and laid it upon the altar. And then, Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four times.

“Now,” said the teacher, “can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?”

A little girl in the back of the room started waving her hand, “I know! I know!” she said, “To make the gravy!”

Lot’s Wife
The Sunday school teacher was describing how Lot’s wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, “My Mummy looked back once, while she was driving,” he announced triumphantly, “and she turned into a telephone pole!”

Good Samaritan
A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed and left for dead. She described the situation in vivid detail so her students would catch the drama. Then, she asked the class, “If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?”

A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, “I think I’d throw up.”

Did Noah Fish?
A Sunday school teacher asked, “Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?”

“No,” replied David. “How could he, with just two worms?”

Higher Power
A Sunday school teacher said to her children, “We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But there is a higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?”

One child blurted out, “Aces!”

Moses and The Red Sea
Nine-year-old Joey, was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday school. “Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then, he radioed headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved.”

“Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?” his mother asked.

“Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you’d never believe it!”

The Lord Is My Shepherd
A Sunday school teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible: Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the verse. Little Ricky was excited about the task…but he just couldn’t remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line.

On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Ricky was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, “The Lord is my Shepherd, and that’s all I need to know.”
**********

Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about.

The daughter answered, “Don’t be scared, you’ll get your quilt.”

Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the paster stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning’s Sunday school lesson was about.

He said, “Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming.”
**********

Church Smiles
There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country. “Is there anything breakable in here?” asked the postal clerk.

“Only the Ten Commandments,” answered the lady.
**********

While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign…

“Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass.
Caution: Do not step in exhaust.”
**********

There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: “I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it’s still out there in your pockets.”
**********
And finally here's a little poem to live by...I know most of my blogfriends already live by this message:

Give me a sense of humor, Lord,
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And pass it on to other folk.

geetajayaram,

appalachia Looks like my kind of place! ;-)

Save me some them Beans!

LOL

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.

He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.

After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.

When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.

When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?"

"This is Heaven, sir," the man answered.

"Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked.

"Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up."

The man gestured, and the gate began to open.

"Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" the traveler asked.

"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."

The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.

After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence.

As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.

"Excuse me!" he called to the man. "Do you have any water?"

"Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in.""How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to the dog.

"There should be a bowl by the pump."

They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.

The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog. When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.

"What do you call this place?" the traveler asked.

"This is Heaven," he answered.

"Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the road said that was Heaven, too."

"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell."

"Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?"

"No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends."

I am making a web page with funny videos and images. Want to see?

http://desaulniers.homelinux.net/jokes/

See ya!
JF

P.S.: Soon I will make a webpage of photos of myself. If you feel the need to know each other a bit more!

A young couple on the brink of divorce visit a marriage counsellor. The counsellor asks the wife what is the problem.
She responds " My husband suffers from premature ejaculation."
The counsellor turns to her husband and inquires "Is that true?"
The husband replies "Well not exactly, it's her that suffers not me."

EEE! That's Terrible!

Love Simon xx

Here are actual error messages seen on computer screens:

1. The Web site you seek cannot be located, but countless more exist.

2. Chaos reigns within. Reflect, repent, and reboot. Order shall return.

3. Program aborting: Close all that you have worked on. You ask far too much.

4. Yesterday it worked. Today it is not working. Windows is like that.

5. Your file was so big. It might have been very useful. But now it is gone.

6. Stay the patient course. Of little worth is your ire.

7. The network is down. A crash reduces your expensive computer to a simple stone.

8. Three things are certain: Death, taxes and lost data. Guess which has occurred?

9. You step in the stream, but the water has moved on. This page is not here.

10. Out of memory. We wish to hold the whole sky, but we never will.

11. Serious error. All shortcuts have disappeared.

12. Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

Materials needed: One fresh 9-volt transistor radio battery. Unwrap the 9v battery and drop it in a toilet or urinal. The water won't short the battery, but when urine is added to the water, wham! The results are directly related to the relative humidity at the time. The more humid the better. Yes, this really works. I tested this at a bar many years ago.

Note: Have you ever put your tongue across the terminals of a 9v battery? Well, imagine that being run through your ureo-genital tract!

Sanjeev

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner, she would like to have sex with him for the first time.

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacy to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about half an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he''d like to buy a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I''m so excited for you to meet my parents! Come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl''s parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!"

Sanjeev

LOL Kate,

I have had some great error messages in my time, Some of the Linux OS's are quite humorous.

I have often wanted to be able to influence the Messages you see when you go to an ATM machine!!!

* GET LOST YOUR BROKE!

* SHOULD YOU REALLY BE SPENDING THIS MONEY?

* DOES YOUR WIFE/HUSBAND KNOW YOU ARE MAKING THIS WITHDRAWL?

* OFF TO THE BAR AGAIN ARE WE?

* I THOUGHT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE SAVING FOR THAT HOLIDAY?

* MIND YOU DONT GET MUGGED AROUND HERE

* I HOPE YOU ARE GOING TO USE THIS MONEY WISELY AND BUY SOME DEODERANT

* OH NO! NOT YOU AGAIN!

* HOW MUCH DO YOU WANT THIS TIME LOSER!

* HAVEN'T YOU FOUND A STEADY GIRL/BOY YET?

and the Best one.......

* Sorry but I just can not be bothered to give you any money today!

Yeah ATM machines should be programed to be nasty to us all and then we would have a lot more money, and I think Credit cards should come with a set of Jaws and razor sharp teeth so that when people pull them out they loose an arm or something in the process and the cashier gets eaten!

Death by Credit CARD!

LOL

love Simon xx

Zen Thoughts for Those Who Take Life too Seriously

1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

2. A day without sunshine is like, night.

3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

4. I just got lost in thought. It wasn't familiar territory.

5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe

8. Honk if you love peace and quiet.

9. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

10. He who laughs last, didn't get the joke.

11.Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

12. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

13. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

14. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

15. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.

16. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

17. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

18. Get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a great trade!

19. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

20. Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!

21 If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

22. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand...

23. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

24. How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

25. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

26. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

27. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

28. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

29. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

30. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

31. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

32. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

33. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

34. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

35. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

36. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened.

37. Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE WORST KIND

My Experiences with “Artificial” Intelligence

I just finished printing the final draft of my Masters Thesis. It is a 150 page blah-blah-blah on the applications of Artificial Neural Networks(ANN) in Real Time Tsunami Warning Systems. As I culminated my report wondering at the Marvels of ANN and AI, I cannot but overlook the reminders that life has consistently given me, that all machines are definitely “gifted” with some sort of “intelligence” on their own, and its mostly the vindictive kind. There is no denying the fact that all machines act on their own free will, especially the printer that you are so desperately trying to cajole into somehow eke out the last few remaining pages of the report that you need to submit by the end of the day.

The personal computer is an established villain. As the report and the associated deadline draw to a close, the processor will become slower and slower. Your image editor will automatically start distorting your graphs, thus establishing new corollaries, sometimes quite the opposite of what you have been trying to prove for the past year. The text editor will refuse to align the text the way you want it to, the fonts will keep changing their avatars and the page numbering will give you a new lesson in arithmetic. The printer is the worst of them all, A scheming little fella who plays the humble servant most of the time, but chooses the most inopportune moment to display his “right to self determination”. My lab has a Laser Printer who, I am convinced, is an incarnate of a striking Japanese shoe company worker. “When on strike, don’t stop production, just produce only left leg shoes” is the Japanese trade union adage. This bugger pretty much follows it to the word. When the submission fever hits the lab, he starts printing multiple copies of even pages, but ignores the odd pages. You therefore have no choice but to print one document at a time. If you think that was the end your problem, think again. After spitting out several blank sheets, he begins to “express” himself in his own unique language and you will now need a decrypter as good as the “Enigma” to decipher your thesis. When he finally does start printing, he remembers his ravenous appetite suddenly and starts gobbling your papers. No one told him that “Paper Jam” is actually an error and not his favourite processed snack. You are now wrestling with him to convince him otherwise, replying to his cocky noises with the choicest of swears. By the time that dawns on him, he is really furious and what better punching bag than that spotless sheet of white paper.!!!!. You realize that he now suffers from an extreme form of paranoid schizophrenia coupled with Multiple Personality Disorder, when he suddenly starts imagining himself to be this savage Shredding Machine. Ranting and swearing only makes things worse, emphasizing the truth that when you are faced with most ruthless of them all, Discretion is definitely the better part of Valour. So, by now you are on “all fours” begging him for forgiveness and you have shot out prayers to just about anyone who closely resembles the god of machines. If you are lucky enough to appeal to his kinder side, he might just budge. But then, not only is he intelligent but is also gifted with extremely sharp senses. After hours of standing and struggling, your knees wobble a bit and you just “look” for a chair to sit down and continue printing, and lo!, the nightmare starts all over again and will only stop if you stand up “respectfully” and feed him one paper at time. Not only are printers ruthlessly vindictive, they are fine actors as well. When the Maintenance man finally answers your desperate calls for help, the printer will never fail to embarrass you. You might actually fool yourself into believing that he has mended his ways. But just wait for the maintenance guy to leave and its Show Time Again folks!!!!
I used to own an Epson deskjet ( I should say, I used to think I owned him, until he put me in my rightful place) and he was the worst rogue. He did all that his distant cousin in my Lab does, and whats more, he even hit on my wife!!! After a nightmare on submission eve last year I cribbed to her and she obviously would’nt believe me. She comes home and operates him, and there you witness the nicest, kindest, most friendly device ever known to man. And whats more, he does that every time she “works” on him!!!! Now that’s potential marital discord for you.

There are some stupid people, specially in the scientific community who believe that with focused research, they can build machines with intelligence. You don’t need to do focused research to discover that!! Those who have a report to submit, beware, there is a savage and intelligent beast right on your desk, lurking very quietly like a Velociraptor, waiting to pounce on you.