Hi Mallika,

Your breathing apparatus looks quite okay to me! It’s quite normal to develop a kind of obsession with some body part of ours that we think is not formed the way we would have liked it to. There is a kind of internal conversation going on inside you all the time: I know they’re looking at my nose/ears/jaw; they’re sniggering; they’re making fun of me!

As you grow a little older, you realize it’s all in your mind. No one is looking at your nose! They have their own anxieties to bother about. There is more to your face than just your nose. Besides, the concept of beauty is relative. What you may find ugly may be thought of as beautiful in other parts of the world.

Cosmetic surgery is a sort of quick fix solution. It’s like a sedative; it can make you feel temporarily better. But to think it would improve your self-esteem in the long run, I think, is a fallacy.

Sanjeev

Dear Mallika,

You've been thinking aloud...haven't you? ;) I get the impression that you haven't quite made up your mind whether plastic surgery is good for you or not.

Here's what I think:

1. To each his/her own. If getting a nose-job or a nip & tuck or whatever makes you feel better, then go for it. Nothing wrong with it.

2. Weigh the pros and cons. Ask yourself and the surgeon if the risks/side-effects involved in such procedures more than the benefits? Kate Winslet was recently reported to have said that she was against botox facial treatment because she wouldn't want to lose the mobility of her facial muscles which are an important asset for any actor. Models, on the other hand, are not expected to be so expressive and only need to look good.

3. We live in a material world and it is a fact that people whose careers depend on their looks can enhance their career-span with cosmetic treatment/surgery.

4. Ideally, one should be comfortable with one's imperfections as that is what makes everyone unique. A spiritually evolved person would automatically not worry so much about his/her looks. So, if you are insecure about your looks and worry over it too much, take that as a sign that your soul needs to evolve further.

5. Beauty is a highly subjective quality and depends on the viewer's judgement. To me a person whose inner glow shows on his/her face may be more beautiful than a person who has perfect facial features.

Cheers!
Navin

PS: Couldn't help but notice this. There is something very funny about these lines: "So, I went and met a doctor to get more information. And, then, I got pregnant." As if your getting pregnant was a consequence of going to the doctor. LOL. ROFL. I hope this two lines are not related. No, I am SURE they are not related! Just kidding. :)

Dear Mallikai

I'm glad you're standing by your nose and your uniqueness. Your nose is very pretty. Perfection is a bore.

love, Heather

So sorry for mispelling Mallika, I'm typing in the dark. I'd checked everything except the address before I hit Post, then saw the mistake as the comment was posting.

love, Heather

Hi Heather,

This time you’ve misspelled “misspelling”!

Sanjeev

Dear Sanjeev

Thanks -- I guess I'm still half-asleep. I liked your list of names for Kanika's baby.

love, Heather

Hi DK,

IB is indeed a wonderful forum. Mallika would never have thought that her piece on nose jobs would end up helping us make better sense of a spiritually uplifting poem!

Sanjeev

Since everyone is correcting everyone's English, I might as well correct my own typo in #2 :) The second last line should be read as "I hope *these* two lines are not related." instead of "I hope this two lines are not related."

And btw, which phrase is more correct?

"I am touched *with* your humility" or
"I am touched *by* your humility"

Life is one big circle here at IB. Everybody is everbody's teacher. :)

Cheers!
Navin

Navin: After looking at your picture again, with you Bollywood "debonair" good looks, I am neither touched with-or-by your humility, as I am quite detached from the matter due to my extremely advanced state of spiritual development (and humility!)--as ever, I can't resist teasing you; I will never relinquish my attachment to doing so--not even if I fast for......

.....now like what your and Rahul's humility got started DK--but....even I discern the difference in meaning to be something along the lines of: being touched by one's ......(whatever) might be as a result of being the direct and intentded recipient: being touched with someone's humility could better encapsulate the notion that someone's humility, such as the Dalai Lama, spreads out like a warmth that touches everyone around him, regardless of who he is focusing on.

And no doubt, Rahul, your skills in any language you use do indeed open greater vistas-of-context for us all!

Now....since Mallika may be getting frustrated that some of us (not me, of course) tend to drift from the subject matter, may I suggest then that we recenter ourselves by focusing exclusively on Mallika's nose, in our mind's "eye," take ten deep breathes (for Mallika's deviated septum, also),......and now, "See Mallika's Nose," nothing else.....Ommmmmm......

......couldn't help it Mallika, for some strange reason, when my mind was amusing itself with your brother's wry wit, evidenced in his most recent blog, I was wondering why I was thinking of "Nip Tuck," especially since I've never watched it--now I know--Patzi writes a very funny portion in her fourth book, about "Aurora's nose," as her character became aware of this monstrous "thing" during her early teens.

I like your nose, always have, but I also remember the anguish I had over my large floppy ears, and knobby knees--so it's like your mom says then--"if it helps you feel more confident and better about yourself," and you actually do breath better--then go for it girl--we love you "always, and in all ways"--it's a very very good nose though, and the "Nose Knows!" Dave

Dear Mallika,
I always admire women who are well dressed,and have perfected the art of make up.My life is full of bad hair days,tons of gray hair days...in between hair color days..I really want to learn the art of makeup and sometimes do watch what not to wear and 10 year younger shows on TLC.My girls whenever they watch any makeover shows they want to secretly nominate me.
It is not that i don't want to buy makeup but it always baffles me when you buy one thing you need to buy something else because all three things go together.Sometimes when i read the label behind the make up it has all the chemicals name on it...which kind of worries me too.People have suggested me to try expensive stuff but somehow i can't spend my extremly hard earned money on makeup.
Once a coworker told me that it takes extreme amount of courage to wash your face and pull your hair back and come to work.When she said that i almost felt ,am i not presentable enough to come to work....but then i guess it was a compliment.
Mallika i'm so happy that you never got your nose fixed.Our children internalize our value system.Looks are not important and that is what we have to teach these young girls.The media constantly bombards them with the wrong images of beauty.

Dr.Matai,
You are so humble and kind it reflects in your interractions.I have heard about ashtvakra from my father but never had the chance to read it.

Rahul i hope you are doing good...

Hi Diwakar..What's Up babes? (American style)LOL!

Hello Diwakarji...Kaise hain aap? Translated, How are you?(Indian style).

I'm sure you must have heard of Osmosis. Flow is always from high concentration of one substance to a low concentration. In general, in life so is the case.

Klumsyklutz: I've wondered what it means. Does it really mean clumsy? You're absolutely not that. You got a good eye!

Respectfully!

I'm holding my belly, laughing !!!!!
This is an incredible conversation...

I read Mallika's post, and thought... oh, I understand you, dear one, my youngest years were filled with nose-nightmares and even my mother (who was the only one capable of loving someone like me, I thought) complained that she couldn't see the TV screen because my nose always got in the way!

I went on reading, admiring Navin's sensible post, thinking that maybe I should tell Mallika that when I saw her on Larry King once, I started to cry seeing how her beautiful soul poured out from her eyes. And then DK started to cry, too, and his poem got even more amazing because of Rahul's soulful talent and depth.

Then I thought that I should maybe tell Mallika that Japanese artists always include "imperfection" in their work, and Heather continued... in the dark... that perfection is a bore... and Sanjeev laughingly corrected her spelling...

Then Navin talked about a big circle, and David... well... David went full circle, telling us about "Aurora's nose" in Patzi's book, haha...

Yes, it's a wonderful, wonderful world!!

Conclusion: Mallika, don't change your nose, wear it proudly like a family jewel!

Hi Whiteink,

Yes; it really means Clumsy. I read this word--clumsy klutz--in Linda Goodman’s book Love Signs. She described Sagittarians (I am a Sag.) as clumsy klutz because they keep dropping things and running into them. Being half-horse half-man, they can’t balance themselves and keep on tripping over things.

I loved the sound of this word so much that I adopted it as my Yahoo ID about 6 years ago. I replaced C with K because I love alliteration.

Sanjeev

Hello Mallika and Everyone,

Mallika you need to watch a couple of Dr. 90210 shows about plastic surgery then I think you will be cured of wanting to fix your nose, if it is only for cosmetic purposes. They actually show the procedures, somewhat, and, boy, all I can say is, "that poor, poor body" it is the most abusive thing, I think, after watching, that one can put a body through. Do not get me wrong, if people need it for health reason, then yes, I think it is absolutely justified to put your body through that, but to simply put your body through that for simple cosmetic reasons is really beyond me. The procedures are really horrendous, I wouldn't put my body through that for anyting other than necessity. Just picturing them now my body is cowering, after watching these shows I'll take my flab, my skinny lips, my wrinkles, my aging body and wrap it in a huge hug of acceptance.

On the other hand, I have seen these doctors perform wondrous surgery on children and adults that have transformed their lives and brought me to tears. To have that skill(to transform by plasict surgery) is such a gift and like any gift it can be abused.

For a lot of people it is a luxury to be critical of their bodies, for others they are living with true deformities that they do not have the luxury of ever being able to change for whatever reason.

peace ruth

KK: No wonder I was fascinated naturally to your logic and sharpness. I found these Saggi men to be sharp and logical. They are very clear. Navin, Ravi.k are the other two saggi men. I've great faith in Linda goodman's works. As above, so below is the principle. Somehow, klumsy doesn't suit your writing at all, because it is the opposite.

I hope one day the world gets to talk about the Inner beauty of mind and heart as much as nose eyebrows and hair color.

Om Shanthi!

Malika--

You look great. I don't know why you don't like your nose but it looks good in your picture. Nose jobs look pretty fake and then if you don't like it, you can't really change it back. Fake doesn't look as good as people may like to think it does. I mean I understand that that is easy to say and harder to believe but really it is underlying confidence that is attractive and you have looks and confidence so just don't even worry about all of the plastic surgery.

Dear Mallika,
You create such a comfortableness about your posts...thank you for sharing.
Funny, I was thinking about the same sort of subject lately. Instead though, I joined a gym and ride my bike often...also house work is a good work out too.
My ears are considered "big" by my daughter, I don't mind at all when she tells me so...I tell her it's all the more to hear her with. Yes, after having two kids of my own, the tummy tuck thing also crossed my mind but I'll try the gym thing first.
We all need to feel good about ourselves, be it inside and/or outside.
My daughter has the same hang up about her nose but I don't think she will ever seriously consider having it altered. She's a beautiful young lady and I think as far as physical features go...even her nose contributes to that beauty. It all just works so well together!

I've seen your photo and I like your nose, but it's not my opinion that counts...it's really about how you feel about it.

Appearances do make a difference when our intentions are pure...I've noticed people who are genuine about what they do, have a beauty beyond what any top model could achieve.

"Here's to the beauty of Spirit",

Cinda

Dear Mallika,
I understand. But I think we all have doubts about ourselves at one time or another. Judging from your picture, you are so beautiful. Why worry?

I am against plastic surgery in general. Unless it's there is medical reason, meditation, fresh air, pure foods and love are the best beauty products. But listening to others' fears and media exposure can confuse us to no end. I am not completely immune to some negativity. I try to remain independent in my perceptions of beauty. When I was in college I modeled for a book on running by an Olympic medalist. I also hung out mostly with beautiful people and my two ex boyfriends modeled when they were respectively in medical and engineering school. Now, they laugh at what they were doing but they admit that it beat waitressing.

I still wonder if one day I'll give in to society pressures...but so far I have resisted.
Lots of love,
Donatella

Dear Mallika,
My grandmother always told me that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and that being beautiful on the inside was much more important than how we looked on the outside.

I decided a long time ago to go with grandma's take on it and to try and cultivate my inner beauty. Not that I don't have my insecure about my appearance days when I forget what grandma said. And not that I'm always successful in my cultivation of my inner beauty. But I try.

I've been contemplating how much time I waste focusing on the trivial. Lately it's not so much that I'm critical for myself about it, just sad for the missed opportunities.

Love, Kristin

ps. I think we should each share a funny story about the physical feature we have been the most self-conscious about! That would be fun. Let me think of one for myself...

My old friend Peter "pop up" in my head...

Pete has been overweighted, super size over overweighted all his life. In fact this guy has been the bigger man I have personally met in my life.

Amazed, I remember the way he was looking at me sometimes... I was reading his mind: "Hey, you don't act normally. Right now you should be laughting at me"

This guy is the funniest man I have never met. I have laught... laught.. at the point to get crazy. Looking at me laughting, really proud of something, reaching a moment of peace... again his mind was telling me: "You little body, your are emotionally over size, I can see it".

----------

Genevieve, overweighted girl, working with me.

Alone in her room, at home, she likes to pass a lot of time playing an internet online game.

One day, at the office, while I was fixing a server, she was talking to me and talking and talking, inside myself, I start to get mad a bit. I like to fully listen to people but I had to concentrate all my attention on my work.

Sometimes I was stopping my work to listen at her. She was talking about the time she was "scout for girls", she liked to do this and that...

While I was continuing my work she start to sing a song... like that... I got frozen on my sit, my mind stop to work. She was concentrated with all her heart, for each words singing out.

I had the real person in front of me. Vulnerable, sweet and beatifull.

Kristin, reading your comment, make me think about my grandma too.

My grandmother once said to my mother: "It's not because we do not have enough money that we cannot make beautiful things, that we cannot live in a beautiful and clean place. These qualities has nothing to do with money".

------

When a woman, dressed with spirit, walking in the street, her gracefully way of moving, her loving way to look the others, her way to mysteriously smile... she is the most beautiful in earth.

Lady Mallika, please accept it, from my heart: "you are a beauty!"

I agree with Scott that said to me once that you have problally reach a high emotional level. Maybe the focus on your nose has created magic and has kept you dressed with spirit!?!? :)

I cannot hold it anymore, something hurts inside... Mallika, please forgives me for any words that I said in the past that could have hurt you. Really please accept my apologies, I do not like that bad feeling inside! I still have a lot of work to do emotionally.

love, love, love and love till not been able to see any imperfections.

Dear DK,
Thanks for the answer. :)

Dear David,
LOL.

Dear Whiteink,
I don't think Diwaker's going to like for calling him "babes". LOL. "Dude" would have been more appropriate if you wanted to sound casual.

Dear Aurora,
:)

Dear Ruth,
Liked your last couple of lines.

Cheers!
Navin

Dear Sanjeev,
Glad to know you are a fellow Sagi. Welcome to the Sagi club.

Cheers!
Navin

Typo correction in previous post:
"Dear Whiteink,
I don't think Diwakar's going to like *you* for calling him "babes"."

Dear Navin: It was quite funny. Actually, I did ponder for a while which one to use(meant to be in jest basically). Babes is also used for babies, small infants. No DK is a sport I think. We already had lot of fun with him, other than the socratic dialogue. But deep down, I've lot of respect for him. He's a good man doing good work.
Sanjeev is quite like you in the analysis. My best friend in my college was a Saggi, he was an top student because of his analytical approach.

Your comments on this topic as usual were very measured and wise. When it becomes a part of the career, in today's world very much towards it.

Om Shanthi!

I wanted a nose job since I was 13. There are some good phases in life though when I don't fret over my nose. Recently, I got my graduation picture taken and the photographer jokingly said " smile or I will focus on ur nose"... i was like huh? His reminder made me thoughtful for the next two days. I wonder if its just my obsession that makes ppl notice my nose. Right now though, i have many more problems with the body than just the nose.
My friend got her tummy tucked in, but i feel that could have been avoided by working out.

Hello again,
Scott and I came up with a couple of funny stories about parts of our bodies that we have been self-conscious about. First Scott's (with his permission, of course.)

For Scott it was his ears. He felt that they were too big. In fact (most of you know Scott was adopted), as a boy he overheard a conversation some relatives were having about a child who wasn't adopted because his ears were too large (sounds so strange but that's how he heard it). Anyway, after that Scott was pretty sure that his ears were the reason he'd been put up for adoption. :( Okay, don't be too sad, he was a pretty a happy little boy, but still, a bit self-conscious about the ears. Here's the funny part. One day when we were dating Scott and I were driving in the car. I was looking at him, thinking the kind of things girls think when they are in love with a boy and I guess I must have been staring. Suddenly, Scott looks over at me and snaps, "Yes, I know, they're BIG." Imagine my surprise... since I hadn't the slightest idea what he was talking about! I'd never even thought twice about his ears.

Okay, my turn. Well, I've had more than one area of off and on concern, but this is what came to my mind as being funny. My feet. In particular my toes. I have very wide unfeminine looking feet and my toes spread apart when I walk. (Lucky me they didn't have to always be out in the open like Scott's ears.) When I was a child my family teased that I had "duck feet." I was so self-conscious about those duck feet that I was too embarrassed to go barefoot in the summer. Fortunately for me over the years I gradually got over it and figured what the heck. One day I was in yoga class and the teacher said, spread your toes wide. I knew this was something I could do! I spread mine as wide as I could and when I looked up at the teacher for some sort of acknowledgment that I had done it right, she was laughing. I started laughing too!

These days I've become more fond of my feet. I didn't mention this, but the toes move almost like fingers. I can twirl them and fold them together (like praying feet), etc. A hidden talent! (We've all got to have a skill, right?) Well, it does make people laugh. :)

Love, Kristin

Kristin,

It's not that they're too big...they're just pointed. I could pick locks with these things. :)

Mallika,

I think your probiscus is darling :).

Peace,
Scott.

Scott,
Oh, yeah, I forgot! "Pointy" was the problem. I guess some of us women think pointy ears are sexy. ;)

Jean-Francois,
I love remembering my grandmother. She was so dear to me and so instrumental in my learning to love and have hope. I doubt she even knew the kind of difference she made for me. It makes me think, we can't fully see how transformational our loving kindness can really be. It takes my breath away.

Love, Kristin

Mallika: Time to chime back in again--the only solution at this point, since it seems unanimously clear that your God-given nose is beloved by all.......

......what I mean is, maybe we are biased, sooooo......time to see if Deepak can arrange for a Gallup Poll on the matter--a scientifically-derived double-blind study with no bias!

Just teasing, but really, now that I've wondered what you'd look like with a different nose, I "can't see it."

As of now, you do not have my permission to "fix something that ain't broke!" So there, Missy, it's final--Dave

Mallika: I would be a tattoo infested female if I were not thinking of how it would make me feel a few days after. Based on your intent photo, you are very attractive but if you must, think about how it would make you feel after. Would you not miss yoru natural uniqueness?