how beautiful and how true, Malika..

perhaps these hands that reach out to us
are our very own Heart...

thank you again so much...love, Carolyn

Dear Mallika, Your post came at just the right time, at this point, Im standing at the foot of Mtn. Everest! it seems. And asking for help has never been something I do. I guess I must learn to allow goodness a little more.

I gave my Mama your book for mothers day, and she loves the sweetness and warmth of your words!
So thank you for your light dear!
V

Dear Mallika,

I seldom ask for help because I don't like to be a burden on anyone, and I have such an independent nature. Yet there are those times when I gave in and then thought wow this is so cool, being helped by others sure does make it a little easier. Even something as little as supporting words is really a great help.

I was also thinking how it feels to help others which I love to do for purely selfish reasons it feels good. It's like getting a double return on the investment of your energy and attention, they feel good and you feel good. it creates a multiplicity of positive energy and is actually healing to both parties I think.

Don't we all love it really when we get a chance to help someone?

So in not asking people for help perhaps we are depriving them of something, a chance to help someone, which may benefit them more than it does your getting the help.

Helping others and being helped is an exchange of energy that seems to multiply itself almost like getting more out of the system then is being put in. Cast thy bread upon the waters and the goodness multiplies itself.

So I wonder if it is selfish, to not ask for help sometimes, not allowing for that energy exchange and exponential growth of goodness, and the enhancement of a relationship. On the other hand I wonder that sometimes it seems when we ask for help we are creating a debt to be repaid, yet most I encounter expect nothing in return, that is why getting help from a stranger.

I think it is a part of human nature to want to help others, which says something about us in spite of the conflict on the planet.

Perhaps somewhere, most other fictions aside, we are all aware of that deeper truth that we are really helping our own self, and when we are being helped it is our own self that is helping, which is why it is the natural thing to do.

Dear Mallika,

You seem to be the most normal person here and that's a great compliment.

Thanks,

Steve

It would seem that helping others breaks the Law of Thermodynamics, producing more energy then what is put into the system.

When humans exchange energy it multiplies itself.

In summary,

Those that need help are a blessing to those that help them.

Mallika: such a simple message, but so true. Like Richard, I too wish to not be a burden on others, and so hesitate to ask for help. But when I stop to think, I see how ridiculous that is, considering how interdependent we really are. The bed I got up from this morning, the clothes I'm wearing now, the car I drove, the building I work in, computer, desk and so on - every single thing was made from the labors of others and intended for me. There's one area of my life where I recently decided to ask for help from my community, and the results have been overwhelming. For instance, one person (a dear friend now) has been driving 90 miles one-way, once a week, for the last three years to help us. With not a penny exchanged, it's a deep blessing to be at the receiving end of such generosity.

Mallika,

Thank you for the blog entry today - it was a universal nudge -

Life reflects the old "barter" system - give and take! It is much easier to give than to take - call it pride, a belief in "self-sufficiency and independence".

Susan

After 2 years silently looking at me, one day, passing by my coffee table she sends me a quick "hello", a beautiful smile, continuing her path out.

This week, she was there, on a table facing mine. Her, Looking tired. Curious, I looked at her for eyes response.

It's stronger than me, we opened the dialog... she cannot looks at me directly in the eyes... she want it, she try it, but from a gentle smile she cuts the contact.

After exchanging a few words, she shows me pictures of her little baby. Talking quickly about her life, her boyfriend...

The conversation finish in the parking, holding the door of her car while talking to me. Her face is not anymore tired. She gives me her secret: during this 2 years periods you were my little sunshine. Today, I had to tell it to you... I cannot hold it anymore. Again, she looks at me, a mature look. She knows what she is doing. Me, I am shaking.

Closing the door, the car window going down, I said: I have to think about it, returning a nervous smile. I add: you should do the same I think. Her car starting moving, her head looking back at me with this smile again... she simply replies: "No".

Freddie Mercury - Love Kills
---------------------------------------------

(Giorgio Moroder and Freddie Mercury)

Love don't give no compensation, love don't pay no bills
Love don't give no indication, love just won't stand still
Love kills, drills you through your heart
Love kills, scars you from the start
It's just a living pastime, ruining your heartline
Stays for a lifetime, won't let you go
Coz love (love) love (love) love won't leave you alone

Love won't take no reservations, love is no square deal
Hey love don't give no justification, it strikes like cold steel
Love kills, drills you through your heart
Love kills, scars you from the start
It's just a living pastime, burning your lifeline
Gives you a hard time won't let you go
Coz love (love) love (love) love won't leave you alone

Hey love can play with your emotions
Open invitation to your heart
Hey love kills
Play with your emotions
Open invitation to your heart (to your heart)
Love kills (love kills), hey hey, love kills (love kills)
Love kills kills kills kills
Love can play with your emotions, open invitation

Love kills, hey, drills you through your heart
Love kills, scars you from the start
It's just a living pastime, ruining your hearrline
Won't let you go
Love kills, hey, drills you through your heart
Love kills, tears you right apart
It won't let go, it won't let go
Love kills, yeah...

Mallika,

You are absolutely right...and people are inherently good, and they like to help someone who sincerely asks.

I could say 'ditto' to the first paragraph of Richards #3, because I'm also independent and hate to burden anyone with my cares....but...

I'm in sales, and have been most of my adult life. I've learned some magic words...if they are used with sincerity, and not just a way of manipulating someone. I just look at them and either say, "I need your help", or "could you please help me?" It works wonders... they usually smile, and say, "I'll try!"

Sometimes on this blog, and in the news, and online, everything points to a world of selfishness, greed, corruption, and just downright meanness.....but I stand by my statement, 'people are inherently good and will help.'

norm

Help!

WOW! thats an amazingly sweet story there Jean-Francois, Ya got my attention...
V

This is auspicious. I definitely need help. I've started a business, www.soybenz.com, and have sent out a mailing called BURN THE BEAN.

If you know of anybody in the Atlanta area who's interested in purchasing a Mercedes Benz and having it converted to run on waste vegetable oil, please refer them to this site.

I think it's timely, and I will work like the devil to get my customers a reliable conversion, and all the information necessary to help them unplug from petroleum and become better stewards of the planet.

Please take the time to read my qualifications under About Us and otherwise peruse the site at legnth to get a sense of what can be accomplished together.

Thanks to all!

You meet saints everywhere. They can be anywhere.
They are people behaving decently in an indecent society.

Bonnie

Why people Help, some thoughts:

1)Empathy: the human instinct to help a person in pain. If someone falls down on a slippery floor, your instinct is to help, without being asked asked for help. This way you can say that humans are inherently good.

2) The God Father Effect: If you keep helping people for no reason you can be assured to ask their favors back IF needed in the long run, this gives you a sense of comfort.

3) Pride/Ego: When someone asks you for help, you get a false sense of ego satisfaction to see the ego of the other person conceding to your's.

4) Power: If you help a powerful person, a daughter of a famous person, you in turn feel relative power associated by the act.

5) Beliefs: Some people feel the need to help anyone(strangers, not just the family or friends) who is in need of help based on the beliefs they hold. They are not after name, fame, relationships, pride, ego, power etc. These people are rare. very rare. Almost inexistent.

6) My Child Effect: Given a choice between saving your child, and a friends child, and stranger's child, your instinct is to save your child first, and then your friend's, and then the stranger's.

A lot of valuable points have been made.
Nice reading.
Giving and Receiving are two sides of the same coin. It is good to remember the flow. Without one, there is no flow.

Also,
You can never help someone by offering something when they are not ready. This applies to offering advice as much as offering some thing or service.
You cannot teach, advice, suggest, provide things or services and expect anything come out of it except frustration and aggravation if they are not ready.

Given this, you can do 2 things:
1) listen to what they are ready for and provide that, if you feel you have something to offer,
and it will be gratifying.
2) On the other hand, if you do feel the desire to offer something, resist the urge to shove it down on someone. Instead, make it available broadly exposing it to as many as you can (write a book or a blog) and let whoever is ready come to it.

Just my perspective.

Offering help when asked is good. But sometimes you help others when they don't want help. Also Sometimes you offer help without knowing the other person's needs.

I had so many experiences which made me condition myself, "don't help someone if they don't ask!"
But I keep forgetting that lesson from time to time. Recently I made myself a complete fool by offering help.

and sometimes, people ask for help; and never get it

perhaps, the help-syndrome is inherent of the persons momentary state of mind; and with a combination of experience; the intent of compassionate help, is lost

From Argentina, a beautiful lady is getting ready for a big change, a big trip.

Tomorrow, she will fly en direction of India with Catholic sisters. Mission; to help poors children.

I am proud of you Ali and I wish you the best experience of your life, on the land of miracles. May the children crossing your road, be the reflection of your beauty, of your soul. May your arms cherish true love.

May your mom rest in peace. May your peace born again.

I will travel with you in my heart.
Love, love, love...

Hello Malika,
You have given the best mantra "Asking for help". I have been using that for quite some time and it always work. For some reasons, I stopped using it a while ago and found myself in lot of stress. It just dawned on me one day that what I am doing different and realized I am not using the most powerful tool that I have "Ask for help".
It works great and almost all the time. There is a great organization TIE (www.tie.org). This is the best place for an entrepreneur who's looking for help.