Q: You don’t have to believe my dear A. Look at Kavita-she became Kaveataaaa and Kiran became Kirrroooon on the recommendation of their numerologist/astrologer/palmist/psychic /tarot card reader and it has really helped them. You don’t have to believe it-you just have to do it. I’m telling you it works. You will be rich beyond your imagination. See, Suchitra adds up to a number 8, which is Shani or Saturn. Your birth number is 9-incomaptible with 8 or Jupiter. So currently there are bound to be obstacles in your way of acquiring wealth and riches.

A: I’m not sure rich is what I want.

Q: Then what do you want?

A: I want to be happy

Q: But the only path to happiness is through wealth. Don’t you see? Wealth creates mental and spiritual health. Everything else be damned (hee hee hee, har har har, yuk yuk yuk-a la Phantom/ Mandrake/Archie et all)

A: No I don’t. See…because… not to pooh pooh what your saying or anything, but the only two times I tried it, the effects were disastrous. The first time-I added a K and made my name Suchitra. K for my music album Zindagi, it was a mega, thunderous, resounding flop. The biggest and only flop of my musical career. I still haven’t recovered from it. Inspite of the title track being composed by the world renowned international composer Lord Andrew Llyod Webber et all!

Q: Maybe that was the problem. It wasn’t Indian enough and therefore spiritually lacking. You don’t need to go international-but tap into your own essence which is very Indian.

A: Hmnnn….the second time I changed my name configuration I added a Kapur to my passport. My personal life went up in flames within 3 months of that and I relocated from England to India. It was a really bad time.

Q: No No, that must have been something to do with the position of the planets at that time. You were actually ahead of your time .And besides the time to go international is now! Havent you heard how everybody is talking these days. Film Directors are wanting to go international, Corporates are going spiritual, and all the Indians are getting really rich. I’m telling you it’s a good time NOW. Add an extra I to your name….or…okay if you don’t want to do that atleast paint your entrance green or blue. It will attract good fortune

A: I don’t much care for the colour green. And my entrance is already blue.

Q: Then paint your south west corner red and orange

A: My southwest corner is already red and orange. I painted it that colour myself a few months ago. How does that help?

Q: If your southwest corner is red and orange you will attract love and get a boyfriend. Don’t tell me you haven’t acquired a boyfriend? He should have come into your life within six weeks of painting your south west corner red and orange

A: I painted it red and orange because I had an idea in my head that those colours matched.

Q: No-I am sure you subconsciously did it to attract a boyfriend…Don’t tell me it’s not true. In that case is it true that you are getting back with …Why are you hiding things from me? I thought I was your friend!

A: Ofcourse you are my friend. But do you think there is no other ‘kaam dhanda’ in life other than attaching oneself to a man? I have better things to do with my time. I beleive I have a higher calling...

Q: Okay okay, don’t get uptight. Relax. Do a havan. I know this pujari who is a kind of ghost buster. He removes all evil forces from your environment. It’s possible that your progress is being hampered by some lurking spirits who have an agenda different from yours. You need to eliminate them.

A: huh?

Q: Okay okay…I know you don’t believe in all this but I’m only trying to help. This ghostbuster by the way will also remove the dark circles around your eyes which is nothing but a dark energy in your life

A: My dark circles are inherited. My mother has them, and I quite like them actually. Makes me feel intense and intelligent

Q: That means a dark energy surrounds your mother too.

A: My grandmother had it too. It’s a family characteristic…I have no problems with it

Q: You may not have a problem with it but it’ obvious that it’s a negative energy surrounding your life. I suggest you get a fish tank if nothing else.. That’s very good fengshui/vastu.
Atleast try it…

A: But I feel depressed when the fish die. I cant deal with all that. Besides dead fish are of no use to me, I am vegetarian.

Q: Okay okay, forget that. But do one thing. Please promise me you wont say no. I recommend to you, the kerela ayurvedic massage. It is being administered very close to your house too. I promise you, it will open your 'third eye' and your life will change. Its magical i tell you, the way they keep pouring this aromatic oil in the middle of your forehead and... I’m going to give my friend a call just now and fix an appointment for you right away

A: But I don’t want my life to change…I’m quite allright as I …

Q: Oh just do it for a friend! You do consider me your friend don’t you? AND don’t forget to give me your feedback. And please don’t forget to blog about it either. I want my name to come up everytime anyone types in ‘indian massage’ on the internet
You see I’m flying off to America next week to try and get a patent on it .

A: Huh?

Q: It’ called the “Third eye- opening ayurvedic massage-direct from India”
I have a really good feeling about this…after all if they can patent haldi/turmeric and forms of yoga…at least this is more innovative…

A: Are you serious? Patent it? But this massage is a centuries old tradition…

Q: Ofcourse I am serious. And just to be sure nothing hampers my progress I am adding the @ sign to my patent
“Third eye opening Ayurvedic Massage –direct from @ India”
Cool na?

A: But why the @?????

Q: Arrey-didnt you read about the Chinese baby they named @? He grabbed world headlines for weeks. You may say what’s in a name …because your abstemious…temperate and self denying…but I believe a name is everything. EVERYTHING! Do you understand? And I want to grab the bull by its horns. So I’m adding the @. After all we Indians are a more spiritual nation than the Chinese… so why should they be the ones getting rich…
(Hee Hee hee, har har har, yuk yuk yuk- a la Phantom/Mandrake/Archie et all)

A: Oh!.... I see… All right…WHATEVER….!!!!!

Q: And trust me…just add another I to your name… or change it to Suchitr@ ...Look at all those fellas…Nigam became Niiigaaaam and that Shobha became Shoobbhhaaaa….and the chinese baby called @... see how their fortunes changed. I’m telling you it’s not superstition. Its science! Pure and Simple. The science of the divine cosmos! Just a matter of time before we Indians prove it, and it moves from the realm of metaphysics to physics!!

A: Yeah… sure thing Quixotic…. Wwwhhhaateeevvvveeerrrrr!
(Yaaaawwwn!….phhheewwwww!....Zzzzzzttttttt…)

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