I’m a pure vegetarian for God’s sake-not even eggs or dairy for me. I don’t even use leather or wear pure silk. Yet a few minutes ago I bit into a large , disgustingly foul tasting, crunchy, bitter, dark brown cockroach! For about five minutes after I spat out the disgusting creature , and puked my guts out, I was still pulling out brown stringy thingees stuck between my teeth-you know the way it happens when you eat grated carrot or stringy beans and the stuff goes all over the place and gets stuck at awkward angles in your last tooth that you cant even reach without getting lock jaw? Yuck! Yuck! Yuck!

It sounds unbelievable I know. I’m still reeling from it.
I cant even sue anybody-who do I sue? The fruit vendor? The farmer? The pesticide manufacturer? The Government??? Nasa? Green peace??
Because this creature popped into my mouth, not from some packaged canned eatable or food ordered from a restaurant but from a sweet lime I was peeling and popping into my mouth. A cockroach from a sweet lime?!!!

Todays special from the fruit vendor-cockroach stuffed sweetlime!!! Ever heard of that?
Like anchovy stuffed olives...

As kids, we often had some saffron clad, vermillion anointed holy men and sadhu’s coming home. To show off their miraculous powers they would pull out tiny silver idols of ganesh or laxmi or saraswati from a sealed fruit. It was primarily from oranges if I remember correctly-the skin of sweet lime is much tougher. While the elders, like grannies and senile aunties bowed their heads in reverence and gasped at the miraculous powers of the sadhu’s, we laughed and called it “haath ki safai” or a ‘cheap trick’ or ‘eyewash’. and offered them coconuts to perform their miracles on. They always asked for time to meditate so that they could perform that miracle-after all bringing a silver idol out of an uncracked coconut shell was another matter altogether.

This afternoon I was in a meditative state too- painting deliriously. Music blasting-Sean Kingstons ‘Mummy dry your eyes, mummy don’t you cry’ filling my ears. So distracted, that I wasn’t aware of what I was putting into my mouth. It was my fourth mosambi or sweet lime-all permitted in my detox diet. I should have stopped after the third but greed prevailed. Kept eating, till the crunchy, muddy, gravelly bitterness filled my mouth. Even then I thought it must be a sweetlime turned sour. That often happens, dosent it? dosent it?
Not till I spat it out and saw wings and tentacles and…yuck yuck yuck!! I’m feeling sick again.

What I’m wondering is how did the damn creature get in? It was a perfectly fresh looking fruit sealed in its thick pale green yellow skin. I have checked the peel again and again-no cracks or holes-and yet a largish cockroach got inside, sealed itself in, died and made its way into my vegetarian mouth! How? For Gods sake how? And why me? Is this one of God’s bitter lessons? What the !!!^%^!! am I supposed to learn from this?

Gotta run-that’s my dentist on the phone. Despite having a chockablock schedule he has fitted an appointment in for me. I guess my explanation that I bit into a cockroach and think some tentacles may still be stuck in my teeth spooked him out even more than it spooked me.

Bye for now. Mmmmwah!
One kiss my bonny sweetheart.
Any takers?
Ever kissed a girl thats just eaten a cockroach?

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