Circus peanuts have no peanuts in them, and have never performed at an actual circus. Another even bigger secret is that sometimes even a Guru needs an "inner Guru" to give him confidence for things just like these blogs. My inner Guru's name is Phillipe, and he loves "Dancing With the Stars" and tag-backgammon.

He also sounds just like Dame Judi Dench, and seems to come from the school of tough love. For example, when I was struggling to write my first blog, I started doubting myself, and Phillipe said "Pitka! You are a GURU! Writing blogs is a simple activity that any idiot could do. For cripes sakes, there is a woman in Des Moines who writes 56 daily updates on her pug, Der Barkissar. Get your shiznit together, man!" And I did, and Judi stopped yelling, and we're all cool now, and I continued to write beautiful, enlightening blogs. So what am I trying to tell you? One, if you go the prom, stay on the dance floor and away from the bushes. And two, try following your inner guru every now and then. they may be of great assistance, and hopefully don't sound like a barking, cigarette-voiced octogenarian with a bad accent! We get it, honey! You're proper.

Mariska Hargitay