I particularly want you to share your feedback and suggestions based on the wisdom of your experience. I’ll start with the toughest, emotionally-charged issue of how a live-with mother can support a live-away father in his efforts to have healthy relationships with his kids.

Since I’m part of the Dads & Daughters organization, my preliminary “tips” refer to daughters—but I welcome feedback from anyone. Thanks!

The Live-With Mom’s Tips for Supporting a Daughter’s Bond with Her Live-Away Dad

HANG IN THERE FOR THE LONG HAUL. Raising a daughter from two different homes is tough for her and her parents and/or stepparents. Our involvement in our daughter’s life may be different than my dreams for her dad and I when she was little, but it is no less important. Both her father and I remain tremendous influences in her life. I’ll stay involved in a calm, loving and committed way forever—and do what I can to help her dad do the same.
KEEP THE GATES OPEN. My daughter’s relationship with her dad is different than her relationship with me. I’m not in charge of or responsible for that relationship. But I will not prevent communication between my daughter and her dad. That relationship is important to her and she needs to participate in it fully, even when that’s hard for me (or her).
DEVELOP HEALTHY SOCIAL AND EMOTIONAL SUPPORTS FOR MYSELF. I sometimes struggle to handle anger and loneliness with maturity. That’s normal, but I’ll be careful not to work those feeling out through my daughter. Instead, I’ll get my adult emotional and social needs by spending time with healthy adults.
REMEMBER AND RESPECT THAT MY DAUGHTER LIVES IN TWO HOMES. The hours before she leaves home and after she returns are a time of adjustment (and maybe even some grieving) for her. That’s not a time for pouncing and pumping of information. She may sometimes be upset or moody when she leaves my home or her dad’s; sad that she has to lever either of us “behind.” I’ll be patient if she doesn’t do chores or follow rules exactly the way I want. She has different rules and expectations in her father’s house. I’ll remember that my relationship with her is more important than getting her to do things my way.
MOTHER THE BEST I CAN WHEN SHE IS WITH ME. I can’t change how her father raises her or make up for what her other parents do or don’t do. I can’t correct their excessive leniency with excessive strictness on my part, or vice versa. I’ll mother her calmly; give her choices; and be patient and loving, not a demanding perfectionist. I’ll encourage her to talk to and trust both of her parents -- even when she makes mistakes.
DON’T TRASH HER FATHER. I’ll speak well about my daughter’s father even when I’m angry at him -- and even if he speaks poorly about me. Negative talk about my daughter’s dad is a little wound to my daughter, and causes her to think less of herself, her dad and me. Trashing him through words or gestures (in public or at home) humiliates my daughter and damages my family. I’ll keep my daughter out of the middle, even if others don’t, and I’ll resolve adult conflicts away from my daughter so she can be the child.
MY DAUGHTER AND HER DAD ARE DIFFERENT PEOPLE. I won’t misdirect any anger at my daughter’s father toward my daughter. When my daughter doesn’t listen to me, does less than her best in school or makes other mistakes (normal behaviors for most kids), I won’t confuse her mistakes with her dad’s actions. Instead, I’ll remember that mistakes are great teachers, and do what I can do to make things better.
GIVE MY DAUGHTER CONSISTENT TIME AND ATTENTION. I’ll give her my healthy attention when she’s with me and when she’s away from me (on the phone, over the internet, through the mail, etc.). I can’t buy her love with things--even if other adults try to. My daughter needs my presence not my presents.
LISTEN TO MY DAUGHTER. Lecturing and arguing get me nowhere. I can’t help my daughter if I minimize her feelings or falsely tell her everything will be okay when I can’t guarantee that it will. Instead, I’ll listen and be there for her. I’ll accept my daughter for who she is; not who I want her to be, think she should be, or think she would be if our circumstances were different. I’ll take the lead in communicating -- even when I feel unappreciated. I may not agree with everything she says or does, but when I listen, I build the emotional connection that will help her listen to me when it really counts.
BE HER MOTHER, NOT HER FATHER. I am a powerful and encouraging role model, and I’ll tell her she has a special place in my heart. My belief in her will help her blossom into a young woman who can make me and her father proud.

See http://dadsanddaughters.org/free-resources/ten-tips-for-live-away-dads.aspx for my tips for Live-Away Dads.