And since we're sharing, I personally like to start my days off with a steaming hot cup of elephant essence tea, and a freshly laid ostrich egg. The tea has many restorative powers, but getting it usually involves a tranquilizer gun, a miners light, and some needle-nose pliers. It also makes the elephant very angry, so make sure you really want it. Oy!

As for the ostrich egg, they come from the huge flock I have on my ashram estate grounds. A year ago, I only had two, but these dudes hump more than a camel. I know that doesn't make sense, but I am so distracted by the constant ostrich humping. Between you, me and the asana, I wish they would migrate or something, but they are featherless. What god created featherless birds?! If God was here right now, I'd be all like "what's the deal with these frikking giant non-flying birds?!" And he'd be all like "Sorry you don't like them, but deal with it!" And I'd be all "Hey, you don't have to deal with them digging up your expensive landscaping with their giant feet!" And he'd be all "I told you to skip the grass and get some inexpensive drought resistant plants". And then I would stop, because he is right. Damn! He is always right. Except for when he told me to bet 50,000 dollars on the Knicks winning the championship. I had to sell all my singing Dolly Parton dolls to keep the bookie from breaking my sitar finger. Oops, gotta go! One of the ostriches kicked the mailman into the pool again. You wooly-winged bastards owe me a new J Crew catalogue!