"My formula for greatness in a human being is AMOR FATI: that one wants nothing other than it is, not in the future, not in the past, not in all eternity. Not merely to endure that which happens of necessity, still less to dissemble it-all idealism is untruthfulness in the face of necessity-but to LOVE it".
[Nietzsche's formula not mine - that's a quote from 'Ecce Homo', 'Clever', 10].

I've gone through life inventing a game that says let's see if i can guess where i will be next year, same day. I jot it down in a diary and check it the next year. And it's never been even close. Wild things have happened, and I've been in places and situations and with people I couldn't have guessed were coming to get me. And there's been joys and tears and laughs and fears and it's been one hell of a fascinating but unpredictable journey. "Settle down. Plan your life. Find an anchor' they all say. But thats just saying to me 'life's meant to be no fun. bear it, trudge through it, do it even if you don't like it.' Why? Good god when you can go with the flow and anyway the river won't turn west if it's not meant to - in god's name, why?

The interesting thing, is that this eternal debate between the 'free will'-itarians and the fatalists again finds echo across all religions, faiths and spiritual doctrines. In the Kena Upanishad, (part fourth), Uma says to the devas all puffed up with pride after one of those numerous bloody battles, 'Not even a blade of grass moves without his will'. Remember, she tells them, that it is brahman. And they receive their first understanding of the omnipotence of Brahman, that eternal force that underlies it all. That no matter what even a deva thinks he has done, good or bad, it's not in his hands.

One version of the Ramayana we studied in college - Satya Sai Baba's version of it - had a passage that when Lord Rama was walking past Sita's balcony before the swayamvara and accidentally glimpsed her, he felt a desire for her. And being aware of the purity of his Self, he thought to himself 'Since I am pure and I have felt/thought this, it must be destined, for I can do no wrong. Thus, Sita will be won by me in the swayamvara." Such was his faith (understanding? awareness?) in not just his purity of thought but in the pattern of the pre ordained will of god. It was obvious to him he was going to win her hand, and the thought/desire was just pre empting it.

Cool stuff. But seriously, would you rather free fall or tug the cord? It sounds like so much fun to do the former, and many successfully do. For those who think I subscribe to the former, I envy those who pick up their bags, and wander through life with no compass, no direction, today one country, tomorrow the next, just seeing where life takes them. And if you don't know and have no control anyway, why stress? Why not enjoy the journey?

I tend to play it pretty safe by those standards, except that I freefall in as much as I head in whatever direction life opens up to me and when that doesn't work, I pretty much shrug and take whichever other path is navigable. That with a little melodrama sprinkled in between that I play to the gallery with I admit, but I quite enjoy, but thats pretty much it. I don't see myself as having the choice, I genuinely don't see myself as having been or ever being decision maker beyond trying to be good, true, honest and acting with integrity i any given situation, and in as much as my choice is limited by whatever is in front of me. That also cuts down decision making by miles of paperwork.

What I'm interested in are the true 'surrenders'. People who've let go both hands and shut their eyes and just feel the wind in their hair, scream, cry, laugh on their way down. I mean, we're all pretty much going down anyway, aren't we? I'd hate to be one of those people who planned and foresaw every moment of their lives and lived it that way, or harboured the great angst that they couldn't. Tell them to put it on my tombstone - Amor Fati. I love my fate.

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