Tori Roy - June 22, 2008
My tears are precious.
I will not shed them.
I read someone’s thoughts on paper –
Some stranger somewhere far from
where I sit engulfed in my despair –
I am so small, so powerless, so alone.
I am overwhelmed – and yet he speaks my language!
He knows not where I sit, why I weep and why I live.
He speaks and I hear.
He sees what I see.
He feels what I feel.
He wants what I want.
He speaks my language.
Separated by space
and a thousand other outward conventions –
He speaks my language.
A thousand miles …………and I hear him.
Together we can move mountains
Together we can bury despair – one life at a time.
Together we can raise hope – just a little bit of hope!
Yet I sit here paralyzed to move – to speak or act.
I was ready – once. I was willing, able – once.
Now I know not what will move me to action.
What do I do next? Do I speak – more words of anguish?
Of tormented angst, of feelings that will render me naked,
defenseless, baring my soul?
Or do I act? Do I reach out?
Or do I just sit here and wait?
I wait.
While the divine process -
The great system that spun us
out of air and water and the elements cries –
Oh what a waste!
A waste of feeling, suffering human souls!
While I sit and wait to be ready.
I wait for my life to right itself first.
My career needs to take off; my finances need to get in order,
My bills need to be paid. My home needs to be taken care of,
My family needs me. My life needs to be in perfect order –
My soul needs to be in harmony.
I dare not try to reach out and help others….
When my life remains broken, my goals unattained.
I work hard and I work feverishly.
I find new ways -
I weave new dreams every day
I forge brave new paths and I toil ceaselessly.
But it is not fixed yet. My work is still half-done.
I haven’t reached my goal yet.
So I wait to rush out and offer help – to those that need it.
I work and I wait and I wait.
I wait and I cry angry tears and I hear another voice.
I sob quietly in my corner of the world.
I whisper softly to myself –
"There is someone who speaks my language"...
But I do nothing.
What can I do? What can I say?
I wait…….
Till the sobs die down.
My eyes hurt with the sting of salty tears and there are no more.
My body hurts from the pain and I lay down still – so I hurt no more.
And I do nothing. Because I can do nothing – but work and wait.
A thousand what ifs crowd around in my brain.
What if I try and cannot reach him?
This soul mate who seems to speak my words - echo my thoughts.
What if I do?
What if he does not hear me? What if he’s not real?
What if he IS? What if I can’t handle it?
What if I’m not ready? What if I misread?
What if I get hurt? What if I get burnt?
What if I lose myself? What if I regret?
What if I can’t take it back? What if I wish I hadn’t?
What if I got it all wrong?
What if it’s all in my head – there is no soul mate?
Never was and never will be.
What if this is as good as it gets?
What if I wait long enough and
immerse myself in work and more work
– maybe the chatter in my head will stop and
the pain will go somewhere else –it will pass from me.
What if I learn to live through this and stop thinking of how the world might be –
Or might never be – because I don’t know how to make it happen?
I will not shed tears – my grief is precious – and private.
I will not share it. I will not hope. Then I will be happy.
Tori
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Posted by Tori Roy at June 22, 2008 10:34 PM
Love is precious and her tears are not in vain.
Aloha Tori
We have many wants, very few needs. Our needs are always taken care of. Be kind and gentle to yourself for this too will pass. Love is not unrequited. love patty
Incredible. Thanks for sharing oneness.
Love, char
i think at some point we will have cried enough. and have some sort of an ahha moment, lets hope.
I feel your pain, and have wondered if there really is someone that cries as much as I, I like to think that someday I wont even remember any of this suffering.
I love you, if that helps : )
Hi Tori, I came from across the pond and did the acting bit as well, it seemed though my destiny was information technology.
Sounds like you have a fine mind and average good looks, so I wonder if it has something to do with attitude?
Never know you could create a your self a role in Infinite Play the Movie, or how are you with interviewing and getting people to reveal and open up?
As for soul mates I think we most often have two half people coming together to make a whole person and they are dependant on each other to create the illusion of whole being. I think it would be better to become a whole person and then find another whole person so that together you make a Double, much more powerful a relationship I would think. Perhaps it is more about finding the right Playmates rather than an exclusive soul mate.
I am sure it will all turn out perfectly and the ride is nicer if one can manage to not be attached to outcome and go with the flow.
I have been back on tracks for a while
On many streets names
Many people languages
Here the noise is so intense
Echoes have no chance to come back
Am I central-point of this city?
Well, There is a place where I loose myself deeper
You have the space and time to be outside days and nights quick-manifestations
This place of earth and water is airing
Spreading messengers of other worlds, should I say
Even if the world is down town, even so
I am talking and analyzing
Walking on water freezing in flakes
Everything would be fine
Without this crispy-sound under my feet
This place of white is so amazing
There is always a feeling of a new
Non-habituation of change
A dot-pain in my heart, physical and talking
Like strong fire-jam in this fine-highways of thoughts
Should I say of essence?
A wind changing
Something sliding and flashing
Was getting my attention in this sky
A feeling of beauty, cold and tears
Even if I am used to them
My present-thought was to avoid them completely
An echo, the walk ending
A form-halt, too difficult for a men alone-singing
Now facing the snow, on knees...
Well, I wasn't going to cry but Jean's poem made my heart swell. Thanks :-)
Love, Char
Hi
Why does everyone assume this is a Love poem?
Soul-mate energy can signify a unity of purpose rather than romantic union. A similarity of intent in two people can represent as strong an attraction as any other.
In this particular case, he may well be the "Will" to my "Grace" - Yes I do believe "Will & Grace" is a true story! I also believe in the Lone Gunman theory, but I digress.
Right now I could use a friend like Will. Thanks so much for reading
Love.........
Tori
Well, Tori, I certainly didn't mean romantic love, and I was nervous of most other's seeming assumptions. There were your previous posts for context........
Tears are unspoken words the heart can't bear to say. --Anonymous
The most compassionate and helpful thing we can do is to make room for our own hurt so that we do not have to look away when we see it in the eyes of another.
--Scott Morrison
"Torch Song" by Anna R.
It should be easy by now,
life in a trite torch song,
fogging up some unknown
someone’s reading glasses,
See, the trouble with truth is,
I am condemned in it, especially
at 5:00 in the morning
and I can’t carry a tune to save my
mind or my soul
the irony of it a white flag
waving in the ocean of love songs
I am drowning in,
besides,
the bullshit meter is running on
the Yellow Cab
on my way to another hell realm,
how can I sing for my supper
when hungry ghosts are devouring
any footnotes I have left? torn sheets
of poems I have scraped from the
bottom of the pit
how can I read Bukowski and Rumi
in the same breath
and shed different tears?
When I really want to do something and I have doubts about it and cannot decide whether it is right for me to act, I always ask myself the question- will someone get hurt from my actions? In my mind, nothing in this world can be worth hurting someone else and breaking their heart. I am willing to be hurt and bear the consequences of what I do. But if someone innocent is also hurt, if someone else has to bear the burden, I will not do it. If I make myself suffer, than I will be stronger and wiser to not repeat my mistakes in the future. If I make someone else suffer to make myself happy, than I have acted selfishly, I have caused someone to lose some trust in humanity. Similarly, if my suffering will lessen the suffering of someone else, it will be an action well taken. I believe this is the right way of thinking when making decisions- when choosing between acting or not acting.
Where is Dear Rumi? Irvine where? I'll tell you where, growing inside you now, as he is in me! tiggr too, what do ya thinka that? Amma is in town tonight going to get a hug from her, the ceremony of the mother, looking forward to that.
Good Day.
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Where is Dear Rumi? Irvine where? I'll tell you
When I really want to do something and I have d
"Torch Song" by Anna R.
It sho
The most compassionate and helpful thing
Tears are unspoken words the heart can't
dear friend,
unleash the tears, and fears and you may find, in sharing the fullness of experience there is nothing to hide ...
~ Kate