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When you want to cry, just love

Sarah Maria - December 27, 2008

Hello everyone,

I am currently in the process of moving and just finished a second day of packing, sorting, moving, carrying, giving away, throwing away, storing, and figuring what in the world to do with all this STUFF!

I really, truly, dislike packing. We all have our weaknesses, I suppose, and mine is certainly organizing, packing, and sorting stuff.

I walked into my office this morning, stared at my files and papers that needed to be organized and packed, and practically broke in to tears. (I did in fact break down crying a few more hours into the move, feeling completely overwhelmed by the whole process.)

Here I am, running my own business, authoring a book, accomplishing many great things, and I am reduced to tears at the mere thought of packing! I think my brain skipped the developmental phase of sorting and organizing. I am good at orchestrating, but actual packing is a nightmare.

I have tried getting rid of stuff and have successfully given away about 80% of my belongings. Nonetheless, I still manage to have more stuff than I know what to do with.

Fortunately, I am extremely blessed by a mother who is an absolute saint (as well as an incredible organizer.) She has helped me move practically every year for the last 15 years of my life, and this move was no exception. I am truly grateful for her wonderful help, or else I can almost gurantee that I would still be standing in my house, knee-deep in boxes, wonderful how exactly I was supposed to get all of my belongings out of my house and into the car.

So, after two days of relentless packing, lugging stuff to Goodwill, driving to the consignment store, giving furniture to family members, etc., I was exhausted. I was tired, depleted, and truly feeling overwhelmed.

I am currently considering just leaving all of my belongings in my car because I can't fathom moving them out of my car when I reach my destination! (Which is Seattle, btw.)

I finally made my way to the shower for the first time in two days (sorry if that is too much detail...), and I realized that I was not nurturing myself at all. I was working very hard, and was very tired. Yet I realized that I was not offering myself any love or affection.

I began to say to myself, "You know what, you do a good enough job. In fact, you are good at many things. You are absolutely loveable and worthwhile." "Oh," - I was able to let a deep sigh of relief.

Subconsciously it is so easy for me to get in a habit of working harder and harder in an attempt to prove that I am good enough. In fact, I don't even realize I am doing it. I just keep working and working, only I realize that I am wanting some validation, some understanding, some compassion, some love.

The best way for me to get this compassion, this love, this understanding, this validation, and this support, is to offer it to myself. To offer it unconditionally, unequivocally, and without fail.

So many of us are not in the habit of giving ourselves the love and acknoweledgment that we so badly want, need, and deserve.

Are you giving yourself love, validation, and approval? Or are you wishing it would come from someone else?

Take the time to acknowledge your greatness. Take a deep breath and silently remind yourself that you are absolutely perfect, beautiful, deserving, and worthwhile exactly as you are, right now.

On another note, thank you to everyone who has commented on my posts! I read all of your comments and truly, truly appreciate your encouragement and support.

Wishing you all abundance, affluence, and love,

Peace, Love, Beauty,

Sarah Maria

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Posted by Sarah Maria at December 27, 2008 07:53 PM

Comments

Hello Sarah!

Well, I do not know where to start!
hmmmmmmm...
A few things have crossed my mind tonight!

Well, lets start it that way:

If I was your mirror
If I was the one telling you that you are beautiful
That you are attractive
That I enjoy to think about you
That I want to give you affection
Would it be the same, better or worst compared when you say it to yourself only?

My point of view is:
It is not possible to be satisfied about myself only
Without a balanced echo from the outside too

Well,
Tonight, I was listening this music (click my name) and my space was filled by you.

Strange this feeling,
It helps me to be better inside.

1. Posted by Jean-François on December 28, 2008 05:21 AM

Hi Sara,

From what I have read and heard from my family and friends is that everyone dislikes the packing and moving details. I did what you did and it took me one month of non-stop work, as I could not even get my hair done or have a pedicure, as well as a manicure. I was also preparing for a 2 month camping trip, so I had research and a lot of shopping to do as well. It was pretty bad, as I barely finished running two hours behind what I had planned on. I think the hardest part is our attachments to all these things and then having to decide what to do with all these attachments - at least for me this was the case.

Good luck and it sounds like you are now done and can enjoy what is before you :-)

Cheers,
Char

2. Posted by Char on December 28, 2008 03:40 PM

Hi there!

Thank you for the wonderful advice; I've needed this a lot. This holiday season has been really emotional for me and it seems that all I can do lately is cry. This helped me see that the main reason I'm so emotional is that I -have- forgotten to take care of myself.

I'm going to be having a big move in August (going to college out of state--the first time I'ved lived away from my hometown...eesh) so I'm stressing a lot too.

Good luck on your travels! Take care and remember: you made at least one lucky person smile today (me!) :)

3. Posted by Desirée on December 28, 2008 08:35 PM

Sharing our burdens with ourself and giving love and compassion to ourself; Are you crazy?

May be you are reading too much of spirituality.

You need an external support, love, compassion, may be a warm hug as you are human. External validation of the efforts you are puting and struggling even with routine daily chorus of life heals you. There is nothing called self healing that I know of.

You are doing great and I am validating it here. You are not alone and will never be as you have the gift of expressing and sharing your inner feelings through the blog. And the people like me who are offering you love are no strangers, we all are one. If you need more support (thru words of course) pl open your heart thru email, I will offer you free support.

Just remember one thing, you may feel that you get vulnerable when you share your feelings with people you know (or do not know); but that will not be your weakness, that will be your strength.

4. Posted by Anurag on December 28, 2008 11:59 PM

I recollect Joel Osteen mentioning that we should always compliment ourselves through out the day. I feel that it is very practical but never really practiced though. However, you came to that conclusion very well. We never practice this because of our evolutionary conditioning to only catch ourselves when we are not happy. This process is very well explained in the book 'biology of transcendence'. Being not happy even though naturally not preferred, our mind(whole world) fluctuates between happy and unhappy. But the thought that "why I am not happy, while I should be happy" is what keeps the mind and its unending conversation alive. But like anything this conversation is prominent and sometimes its not that prominent and easy to move on. There could be no end of causes for why feel sometime at ease and sometimes not. Looking for causes also a favorite pastime of mind and keeping the unending conversation alive. Most important question which arises due to whole train of thoughts is, how do you know all these are occurring unless you are witnessing? So if you are witnessing, then you are not what you are watching. Perceived cannot be perceiver. But, for whatever reason, we think we are that train of thoughts which could be called Identification with your mind. In our internal conversation "I am sad" or "I am happy", we really don't who is this 'I'?. Numerous books have been written however, only few are able to follow. To me all this sounds so clear, but when its time to live by it its almost impossible. Sometimes it works and sometimes it does not. Why? I don't know. But, being in company with someone who genuinely cares for you is the easiest way to get out this. Better, try not to be 'not Sad'. Be with whatever you are feeling. Be with your mind-body. Wait!!! Did I just say mind-body? Where are you? Are you not your Body or Mind?. You are the 'witnessing awareness' or Detached observer or (I AM) the reflection of Self in the mind. Eckhar Tolle beautifully describes this process. OprahEckhart.com.

P.S: I do not like moving at all. I too find difficult to practice/live what I wrote. I just wanted to share with a sense of hope that it may benefit sometimes.

5. Posted by alayavijnana on December 29, 2008 05:44 PM

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